


He Had Me at Hello

by nicb0723



Category: J2 - Fandom, Jared/Jensen - Fandom, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-11
Updated: 2011-07-11
Packaged: 2017-10-21 06:19:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 48,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/221885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicb0723/pseuds/nicb0723
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a devastating event that leaves Jared emotionless, he moves back to Canada for Megan’s last year of high school. When Megan gets a new job and comes home talking about a guy she works with named Jensen, Jared can't help but to start to have feelings again…</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Had Me at Hello

**He Had Me At Hello** by nicb0723

  
Jared wasn’t afraid to admit that he had it all. A killer job, a sweet apartment right next to the school campus, awesome roommates, he loved all his classes, and the prettiest girl in town wanted him. Life was very close to perfect. What more could he possibly ask for? Nothing. Because then it all came crashing down, down, down and just when everything hit rock bottom, it all fell just a little more.

“Sir… are you all right?”

He sits and stares blankly at the seat in front of him, the feeling of vomit creeping slowly up his stomach. Sweat makes his skin clammy and he rubs his hands up and down his thighs, hoping his jeans will soak up some of the moisture. The sun is shining brightly on the other side of the thick window. It’s like a slap in the face. People around him are all a blur; he can’t see or hear anyone, doesn’t really want to.

The flight attendant crouches down. She looks nice, but has too much blue stuff on her eyelids and there’s some red lipstick on her teeth. “We’re about to take off.” She says slowly and lifts his food tray up, clasping it in place. “Sir, are you okay?” She asks again.

Jared blinks once, twice and finally looks at her. “No. My parents and my brother. They just died.”

“Oh my gosh.” The words come out fast from shock. “I’m so sorry.” Her small hand flies to cover her open, delicate mouth and he can see the grief in her eyes. It’s a little comforting in a way to know he’s not the only one.

Jared swallows thickly and leans back in the seat that is way too small for his body. He prays he doesn’t throw up as the plane takes off.

**

Megan is a complete mess when he sees her at the airport. It looks like she hasn’t brushed her hair in days, her clothes are rumpled, and there are deep bags under her eyes. Jared winces because he probably looks the same.

They embrace each other and Megan chokes out a cry. Jared knows he has to be strong, needs to pull it together and fast. He takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly and shaky. Fuck. He can’t do it. The tears are right there, right at the edge and they begin to spill over as Megan cries in his arms.

They don’t speak, can’t even if they wanted to, and they try to swallow the lumps of sadness down their throats.

Finally, Megan pulls away and dries her tears. She smoothes a hand over her hair and Jared finds an old napkin in his pocket. He’s pretty sure he already blew his nose in it sometime this morning, but she takes it with a smile anyway.

They’re still quiet as they make their way down to baggage claim. Jared had packed up his shit the best he could before he left, in the couple of hours he had before the plane took off. He made his roommate promise to send out the rest of his stuff next week.

Megan watches in confusion as Jared keeps gathering all of his bags off the rotating conveyer belt. She’d been expecting enough clothes for maybe a week, not all of this.

“You’re staying?” She whispers, eyes gleaming again with unshed tears.

Jared sighs and nods. “It’s your last year of high school, Meg. I’m not gonna let you spend it alone.”

“What about your classes in Texas? Work? Your place? You can’t just move to Canada.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jared says simply. “I gotta be here right now.”

Megan hugs her brother again, this time with a huge smile on her face. “Thank you so much.”

**  
The house is insane when they pull up in Megan’s little crap hand-me-down car she’d gotten from Jared, who’d gotten it from Jeff. Jeff had banged up the side of the car when he was a senior at some football game, right before he went off to college and gave it to Jared. It still runs pretty well though, but now that Jared’s seen it again after almost two years, he’s not sure how much longer it’ll last.

It seems like the whole family is at the house because there are a ton of cars parked all along the street, and Jared is already starting to feel a little overwhelmed by it all. His parents were usually the buffer between him and their crazy family and now he has to face them all alone. At least he has Megan, not that they were ever that close with the age difference and all. But now she’s all he has.

“I just can’t believe this is happening.” She says as they pile all of Jared’s luggage on the lawn. It’ll take at least a couple of trips to get them all in the house. Luckily, the lady booking his flight felt so sorry for him, she waved the extra luggage fees and let him take on as many bags as he wanted. “I can’t believe they were here just two days ago. Me and mom were gonna go shopping this weekend. Buy some new school clothes.”

Jared gives her a few seconds to compose herself because he knows if he says anything right now, Megan will break again. “Did the police find anything else out?”

Megan sniffs and wipes her eyes. “No. Just that the guy fell asleep at the wheel. They said he wasn’t drunk, like we thought he was.”

“Oh.” Jared still feels hate for the man, but at least he wasn’t drunk. That was something.

Megan lifts one of Jared’s bags over her shoulder and slumps from the weight. “Grandma and grandpa are getting everything ready for the funeral. I think they’re still in shock.”

“Yeah.” Jared blinks and rests against the car. He’s completely exhausted.

Megan puts her hand on his shoulder, looks up at him with red rimmed eyes. “JT? You gonna be okay? Please say yes.”

Jared gives her a weak smile. “Gonna try for you, Meg. Just me and you now.”

That was really the wrong thing to say and Jared calls himself an asshole in his head as Megan starts to weep again. He looks at her sadly and will never forget the fear, the absolute heartbreaking tone in her voice when she had called him two nights ago from the hospital. How she told him that she’d had too much homework to do while mom, dad, and Jeff all went out to a late dinner and she stayed home.

Jared closes his eyes. _Thank god_ she had too much homework. _Thank god_ she stayed home. He doesn’t know how he would deal with this if he had lost everyone. And fuck god for taking them.

He slings an arm around her neck and they start up the path to the front door.

It is going to be a long couple of days.

**

The house is just like he remembered it from the last time he visited. That was too long ago. The guilt immediately settles in. He should’ve come up for visits more often. Mom had asked him all the time, but Jared was too busy. Now he wishes he’d been here every weekend, wishes he found a way to be here instead of making lame excuses.

Now he looks around the kitchen and the living room, huge open areas filled with random people that he kinda knows, but not really. Some are strangers but he figures they must’ve known mom and dad or Jeff somehow. Everyone is crying and blowing their noses. His aunt never fails to tell him that his hair is too long and how tall he has grown. She doesn’t say anything about his bangs falling in his eyes this time. His cousin though, who Jared is pretty sure is gay, stares a little too long at his chest. It makes him queasy all over again.

The windows in the dining area look like they’re tinted grey from the dark clouds outside. Sunny and bright in Texas, gloomy and rainy in Canada.

It’s fitting, Jared thinks. But the sting still hurts.

Bypassing the master bedroom upstairs, he retreats to his old room where there are still basketball posters hanging and bobble heads of various baseball players lining the window.

He feels at home within these walls.

**

What Jared hadn’t expected was the loneliness, this empty pit in his stomach.

The funeral was nice, he thinks. He pretty much blocked the entire event from his memory just because it would hurt to look back and remember. It took forever for him to convince grandma, grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles that he and Megan would be fine in the house. She was practically an adult and he was almost twenty three, so they didn’t need anyone watching out for them. They’d get through Megan’s senior year in high school and then figure out what to do with the house, if they would keep it or sell it. Jared thinks he might want to keep it, savor the place he has memories of his family. If it keeps being this hard though, maybe he’d have to sell it.

He knew his parents had good life insurance so financially they would be okay, but he still needs to work, if nothing more, to keep his mind occupied. He’s still going to classes too, studying to be a veterinarian, even if he had to enroll in school a month after classes started. He was doing so well in Texas, especially for his age, his professors had said. That’s what landed him an awesome job at the clinic doing research about animals. Now he’d have to look for another place to work. The teachers at his school and work had been shocked that Jared quit and moved so suddenly, but they completely understood in the end.

His roommates called a couple of times to see how he was doing, but Jared really couldn’t be bothered. It’s like they’re a part of his life that’s over now. The more they called, the more Jared would ignore the calls. He can’t really explain why he does this, to himself or to them. He feels bad about it, but only a little. So they sent him his stuff he had left in his apartment and never tried to call much again. Sandy, the girl he had been seeing, was heartbroken when he broke it off with her. He was already in Canada when she called him to go out on another date.

“I’m sorry… I just. I just can’t get close to anyone right now.”

“What does that even mean, Jared? We’re already close. You can’t just throw that away.”

“I’m sorry.”

He knows it was a pussy move, sure. But the thought of loving someone and then losing them? So not going to happen ever, ever, _ever_ again.

**  
It’s different living with a teenage girl. Really different. Jared’s used to Megan running around with dolls and barbies. He knows that she doesn’t do that anymore. He left for college when she had hit her awkward teen years, but still remembers living with his little sister when she used to braid his hair. Now it’s about lipstick and boys and clothes and random crap that all sounds like a big waste of time and money.

She missed school for about a month after the accident, but she’s smart enough to make up all the work in a couple of weeks. But, Jared didn’t know Megan was having trouble in school. Not trouble, trouble but the kind of trouble where she’s teased. A lot.

The first time she comes home in tears is a couple of days after she’d been back to school. She tells Jared that at first the kids had stopped making fun of her because of what happened to their parents, backed off for awhile and weren’t as bad as they had been at the start of the year, but now they started up all over again.

“Well I’m going over to the high school tomorrow and whooping some serious ass.”

“Jared, please. Can you just stop?” She slumps on the couch and kicks off her shoes. “That won’t do anything except humiliate me.”

Jared stands in the middle of the living room, pacing back and forth, hands on hips. He’s the father figure now. He has to do something. “Well how come I didn’t know any of this was going on?”

“It didn’t start till after you left for college. I made mom promise not to ever tell you cuz I was embarrassed.” Megan looks to the floor, kicking her backpack with her feet.

“Well, you’re telling me now. Why the hell do they tease you anyway?”

“Look at me, JT.” Megan sighs. “I’m not exactly cheerleader of the year.”

Jared stands back and takes a look at his sister. Yeah, she isn’t drop dead gorgeous, but she isn’t ugly either. Her glasses are kinda dorky and her clothes are plain. She’s a little pudgy around the middle but with a few work out sessions in the garage with him, Jared could help her tone it down.

When Jared says this to her, he has to cover his ears from her screaming and stomping up the stairs to her room. “You jerk!”

He has no idea what he said to upset her, but obviously it wasn’t good. After a few hours, he apologizes and gives her the sad puppy dog face so she’ll come downstairs to have dinner with him.

“You are a _complete_ idiot.” She tells him.

“I know.”

**  
He doesn’t miss Texas too much. He does, however, miss the weather. Misses the heat from the sun bearing down on his skin. It’s cold in Canada. Really cold.

By the time Halloween came and went, Megan and Jared got into a regular routine. On weekdays they’d both leave the house early, Megan heading off to school and Jared going to his classes. After they were done, he’d spend some time volunteering at the local animal hospital until evening and then he’s swing by and pick up something for dinner, usually pizza or burgers from the place down the street. They had awesome onion rings.

On Friday nights Megan would go to her friend, Susan something’s house, and Jared would rent a movie and kick his feet up with a beer. The weekends were spent quiet, either catching up on school work or reading books.

If Megan had any trouble throughout the week with those damn kids teasing her again, Jared wouldn’t hear about it until Saturday night when Megan would make cookies for Jared to bring with him to his classes. She’d try not to cry and sometimes Jared gave her a soft pat on the back, but other than that… he really didn’t know how to help her.

“It’s just one more year. I can do it.” Megan sniffs and pushes her glasses up on her nose.

“Yeah. I know you can.” Jared says, stealing some batter from the bowl.

Megan silently wipes her hands on a towel. She’s got some flour on her cheek. “I miss mom.” She says softly.

Jared’s chest tightens. “Yeah, me too.”

**

Jared stays away from everyone. He doesn’t talk to other people besides Megan, unless he has to. He thought it would be harder for him just because he usually is such a people person. Well, _was_ a people person. He could talk for hours at a party to some dude about how he thought dogs were evolving and soon they’d be smarter than people. Sure, he’d been a little drunk at the time but still. It could happen.

And now. Now Jared is different. He can feel the change deep inside. Doesn’t want to experience that pain of losing someone again, even if it is just a friend. So he clams up when people try to talk to him. Doesn’t want any interaction with anyone. He wants to stay safe behind this brink wall, his heart guarded by steel. It’s nice. Relaxing. He only has to worry about Meg and himself. He can do that, no problem.

**  
After a long day, Jared’s got a headache when he finally gets home. Megan has a late study group for some pre SAT thing so the house is quiet.

Really quiet.

Jared opens the fridge, having no idea if there is anything edible to eat. He pushes some oranges to the side and sighs as he stands up straight.

The door to the freezer opens and Jared’s hoping to find some frozen dinners that he can heat up.

He stops as his fingers brush against the cool glass. Vodka. The kind his parents always sipped on when they were feelin’ frisky.

The hesitation to not drink lasts more than it should and Jared yanks his hand quickly away.

No way is he going down that dark road, as tempting as it may be. He’s got enough problems without becoming a drunk on top of it.

It is really fucking tempting though.

**

“I think I’m gonna go over to Susan’s house tonight.” Megan says as she flips the oven door closed.

Jared can already smell the sweet dough cooking and breathes in deeply. “But it’s Saturday. Didn’t you guys hang out last night?” He hadn’t slept a wink the night before and wasn’t looking forward to another sleepless night. He just couldn’t sleep if Megan wasn’t in the house.

Megan shrugs. “Yeah but I’m feeling cooped up. I wanna get outta here. You should too, JT. Haven’t you met anyone that you can go hang out with? Get outta the house a little? All you do is work, school, and be here.”

“That’s not true. I go to the gym. Sometimes.”

“No, Jared.” Megan sighs. “You go running around the block. And lift weights in the garage. I think your gym membership expired awhile ago.”

“Oh.”

“Look, I know you miss them just as much as I do. But you have to let them go. They’d want you to be happy.”

Jared looks at his little sister and wonders how she can be this strong. When he asks her, she shrugs again.

“I talk to mom all the time. I know she’s listening. It sounds stupid but… it helps me.” Megan says.

Jared doesn’t think he can do that and will just settle for being a loner for awhile longer.

**

One night they’re sitting at the kitchen table side by side. They’re both studying for tests they have the next day. Jared’s trying to go over the anatomy of cats when Megan suddenly starts twitching her pencil nervously.

“What’s up?” He asks, moving to grab his cup of coffee. It’s gonna be an all-nighter.

Megan bites her bottom lip and can’t meet Jared in the eye. “Remember… remember when you told mom and dad that you were… um… Bi?”

Jared nearly spits out his coffee and feels his face blush. “Uh. Yeah. Why?”

“Is that why you moved away?”

“Dunno.” Jared shrugs. “I guess so. Texas isn’t the best place to move if I was lookin’ for a boyfriend, ya know? But yeah… I felt like I disappointed them so much I wanted to get out for awhile and Texas was the first place to offer me a scholarship so I took it.”

“You had a girlfriend though, right?” Megan asks. “I remember mom mentioned that.”

“Yeah, kinda. I mean, she was great lookin’ but, I don’t know. And we had just started dating when… when I had to move out here.”

“You think because you started dating a chick instead of a guy that mom and dad weren’t pissed at you?”

“Meg, I was freaked out and confused when I left. Mom and dad said they would never care about who I dated.”

“They said that, but do you think they meant it?”

Jared looks down at his notebook. His handwriting is really sloppy and he’s going to have to rewrite his notes. “I don’t know. I hope so. Why’re you askin’ anyway?”

Megan brushes her bangs from her eyes. She looks so innocent, Jared thinks, but she’s gone through so freakin much in the past couple of months. It’s not fair and all Jared wants to do is protect her from feeling anymore pain. “I don’t know.” She says thoughtfully. “I’m such a loser, I’ve never had a real boyfriend before but it’s nice to know mom and dad would accept whoever I started to date. If I ever get a date.” She adds with exasperation.

“Don’t worry, Meg. You will. Gonna be a heart breaker.”

**

Sometimes, after the days he feels like an elephant has been sitting on his chest, Jared cries at night. His old room is right down the hallway from Megan’s and sometimes he thinks he can hear her cry during the nights too. They never say anything about it though, and Jared’s really quiet when it happens. Just lets the tears slide down his cheeks and run behind his ears until he has no more to give. He doesn’t gasp for air or get the sniffles. There’s nothing girly about it. These are manly tears and as soon as the first one falls it feels like the elephant is slowly getting up to bother someone else. The release feels so good, not that he would ever admit it to anyone. He can’t even admit it to himself but is always reminded when he stares at his swollen lids in the mirror the next morning.

It’s getting to him. All of this. Sure, his grandparents and aunts and uncles are some support but nothing like his parents were. And mostly they’re just annoying. It’s kinda mean, but he’s glad he came out to save Megan from living with anyone else. He’s also glad they all live at least an hour away.

He’s tired. So tired. But he keeps working and studying just so he has something to distract his mind.

Jared hears Megan talking to mom and it hurts him physically like a jab in the chest. At least she’s found an outlet, he thinks. He wishes he could find something like that too. He hopes she doesn’t talk to herself at school though because that would just give the kids something else to pick on her about.

**

The roads are icy and slick when Jared drives them a few hours up to their grandparents place for Thanksgiving dinner. The whole night is really uncomfortable and just reminds them that a part of the family is missing. Gone, disappeared, forever.

He can see the ache in Megan’s face, and is sure that he has a very similar plastic smile on for show, for everyone’s benefit. Just to let them know they are okay. Didn’t want anyone to worry because really, they were fine. In situations like this, it was harder than it was at home. At the house, they could at least feel mom and dad and Jeff around. It wasn’t the same anywhere else.

The drive back was long and quiet.

Christmas was even more painful.

Jared was asleep by nine at night on New Year’s Eve.

**

They don’t really fight too often. Jared’s usually too tired and Megan is used to Jared’s diarrhea mouth by now, so she just let’s most things go.

Until one Tuesday when Megan gets home, crying again. Jared hadn’t been feeling well so he had come home early from work. He’s napping on the couch when she comes in and it startles him awake.

“Fucking bitches!” She shrieks, throwing her books across the room.

“Whoa!” Jared stretches and tries to wake up. “What the hell happened?”

Megan is red faced and she looks like she’s going to explode any minute. “Susan told Becky that I like Jake Simpson and Becky went up to him at lunch and told him! I could kill her!”

Jared doesn’t get this girl stuff in the first place, but this shit just sounds like kid crap. “Jesus, Meg. It’s like ya’ll are in high school. Just let it go. Get over it.”

“I am in high school, genius.” She glares at him. “These are the kind of backstabbing friends I have to deal with.”

“Well then get new friends.” Jared says simply and tries to go back to sleep. It’s really all so easy, he thinks. Really not that complicated at all.

Except it is. Because when Megan comes downstairs to wake Jared up, she tells him that she needs new people in her life and to do this she’s going to get a job, which means she’s not going to be around as much.

“Well then who’s gonna hang out with me?” Jared frowns.

There’s some sadness in Megan’s face. “JT, you have to get a life. You have to make friends and go to bars and date and get drunk and do whatever it is that guys your age do because sure as hell I’m gonna wanna do it when I get old.”

Jared hugs a pillow to his chest. “M’not old. And besides, it’s too soon. I can’t.”

“What? Be happy? You have to.” Megan says sternly. “Because if you don’t, you’re gonna turn into a hermit freak and I can’t deal with that right now.”

Fuck. She’s fucking right. He’s so fucking screwed.

**  
So he tries. He really does. It starts out with some casual conversation with this guy in his classes named Luke. Luke has these dark brown eyes and is kinda already going bald on top, but it works for him because he’s almost as tall as Jared and his strong arms reach an expansion of a mile long.

He’s hot and Jared likes him. They go to the cafeteria together one afternoon and Jared gets a big meatball sandwich while Luke gets a burger. Jared likes him even more when a meatball falls in his lap, leaving sauce everywhere and Luke just gives him a small smile.

So Jared lets him in a little more, telling him about the death of his parents and how he’s struggling and how he’s really trying to talk to more people. He’s scared, but he’s trying.

Megan meets Luke and she pretends that she’s thrilled, but she really doesn’t like the guy. There’s something about him that she just can’t put her finger on and while she’s so glad that Jared is meeting new people, this Luke guy needs to go. Like, yesterday.

She puts her foot down when Jared’s moping around the house and when she asks him what’s up, Jared tells her that he was really tired last night, with working a double shift at the animal hospital and all.

Megan looks at him like he’s crazy. “And so? That doesn’t explain why you’re so sad puppy face today.”

“Well I didn’t wanna break my date with Luke so I went to his place after I was done.”

“Ew. And?” Megan raises her eyebrows. She doesn’t need to know the extent of her brother’s gay love life.

“And so I fell asleep on the couch and Luke got really pissed off at me. He’s not returning any of my phone calls and I’ve called him like three times.”

“Let me get this straight.” She says, almost so mad she could spit. “You work a double shift and fall asleep and he got pissy?”

“Yeah.” Jared frowns. His forehead crinkles with worry.

“What were you doin? I mean… were you, well. Ya know?”

“No! God, Meg! We were just watching TV and I fell asleep on his shoulder. Fuck. _Fuck,_ he was so mad.”

Megan gets right in Jared’s face and pets his hair. “You need to dump his sorry ass.”

Jared looks shocked. “You’re the one that told me to date!”

“Yeah, nice guys. Not assholes like Luke.”

Jared was going to let it go, but the next time he sees Luke, he tells Jared that he’s moving to New York so it wasn’t going to work out anyway.

The whole thing is just not good for Jared’s abandonment issues and his walls are built right back up, even stronger this time.

  
**

Megan gets a job super fast at the local coffee shop. The other kids who work there are older and more mature, and she’s making new friends and Jared’s really happy for her. There’s a girl named Erin she works with and Jared’s met her a few times. He thinks Megan’s mentioned something about her brother too, but Jared didn’t really pay too much attention. He’s pretty sure Erin is a hippy because she wears flowers in her hair and beaded jewelry, but Jared thinks she’s nice enough.

He still worries about Megan, though. That something will happen to her while she’s at work because it’s been getting so dark earlier and it’s been snowing like crazy lately. So sometimes he stops by to get a coffee and checks up on her, but it all seems to be going well so he doesn’t say anything. Plus, he’s kind of lonely and seeing her in the evening makes going home to an empty house a little easier.

He still can’t get enough good, hard sleep, which means he’s tired all the time. So by the time she gets home, he’s still either studying or watching something on crappy late night television. Thank god for Star Trek reruns. Out of all the aliens on the show, Jared really starts to admire Vulcan’s and would totally be one if he could. Vulcan’s are all about logic and nothing about emotion. Having no feelings would be awesome right now.

It’s fine. He can handle it. He’s been too dependent on her anyway. Needs to get a life of his own, he knows this. Needs to let Megan enjoy hers.

God damn, he misses the rest of his family. Doesn’t understand why he could do without them while he lived in Texas and why it’s so hard now. It hurts too much to try to figure that out so he doesn’t try.

Never, _ever_ take family for granted, he concludes instead.

**

One night it’s snowing so bad that Jared thinks about going to the coffee shop and demanding Megan leave now. There’s no way she can drive home in this weather. When he calls her up to tell her this, she practically laughs in his face, even though they’re on the phone, and tells him that she’s been driving in this kind of weather a lot longer than he has.

So Jared does the next best thing and jumps in his car. He drives to the Couver’s Perk and parks right next to her beat up old Honda. Damn, he does have some good memories in that old junker. But, there’s no time right now to think about first kisses and getting to second base.

The winter coat he wears is huge and completely ridiculous, but he runs as fast as he can to the trunk to get out his snow scraper. The least he could do is make sure Megan can see as she drives home, so he’ll scrape the ice and snow off of all her windows and hope that it’ll stay clear the twenty minutes until she gets off work.

His fingers are already freezing when he goes to her car and he stops in his tracks when he sees the windows.

It’s already done for her. There’s snow all over her car, expect for the windows.

Huh. Jared’s pretty sure he’s losing his mind and is way too embarrassed to go ask her about it so he checks the car again. He stares for a few seconds before he goes back home, totally dumbfounded.

**  
It’s still really snowing by the time Megan gets home that same night. She can’t stop smiling. Seriously. Can’t. _Stop.  
_  
Jared eyes her wearily. This can’t be good, he thinks.

“Hey. How’s it goin?” She asks lightly, smile still on her face. Jared hasn’t seen Megan this happy since… well, in a really long time. It’s weird. She’s weird. Girls are weird.

“Uhhh. I’m fine. What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” She sighs deeply and puts her feet up on the couch, then stares with glazed eyes at the tv. Something is definitely up. Megan doesn’t watch Star Trek and usually would be bitching at him to change the channel by now.

Jared glares at her. “What the hell is going on?”

“I love my job.” She replies happily.

“Uh huh.”

“And there’s this new guy that started today. His name is Jensen. Jensen _holy hot_ Ackles. Mmm. And he is so unbelievably cute and gorgeous and sweet and nice and just perfect.”

Duh. A guy. Jared should’ve have guessed. “What kinda idiot name is Jensen? It sounds like pension. Boring. And weird. And also kinda stupid.”

“Not weird. And definitely not stupid.” Megan’s just plain giddy now. “He’s so, so, so hot. And sweet!”

“You already said that he was sweet.” Jared points out, wanting to vomit at the word sweet. Please. Give him a freakin break. He can’t believe he’s missing star trek to talk about a dumb high school kid that Megan’s crushing on.

“Well he is!” Her smile is huge now. “He left work a little before me and Erin and he asked which cars were ours and when we came out, all the ice was gone from the windows. I mean, who does that!”

So that’s what happened. “He sounds like a jackass.” Jared says dryly.

“He’s not, Jared. He’s really nice. I can tell. I have better judgment in dudes than you, remember?”

“Guys that do nice things for girls only want something in return. Stay away from him.” Jared advises because this he knows. That’s exactly what he does.

“Yeah well he can want me all he wants. Take all he wants too. And I’ll give anything he wants.” Megan giggles dreamily.

“Ew. That is SICK!” Jared almost gags. “Can you please go upstairs now? Can I please watch my show in peace without having to hear my little sister perv on some poor dude? Please? The Borg’s are about to attack and I’m missing it with your gross comments.”

Megan rolls her eyes, calls him a nerd, and skips up the stairs.

Jensen. What a stupid name, Jared thinks. Must be a real douche.

**

The one good thing about this Jensen guy, that Jared will admit, is that he’s brought up Megan’s self esteem way higher than it’s ever been. She seems happier, more confident, and ya know… generally easier to live with. Jared is definitely not complaining about that.

She blabbers on and on about the kid like they’re new best friends and Jared thinks that Megan really hasn’t had a guy friend so this should be interesting. It seems like almost every weekend her and the people from the coffee shop go to the movies or something and she asks Jared to come along, but Jared still can’t be around other people, still doesn’t want to get attached or depend on anyone else.

School is getting tougher anyway and he really looks forward to the nights when he doesn’t have much to do. Tonight the house is quiet and he relaxes with a cup of coffee in the kitchen when Megan comes home from work.

Jared hadn’t even realized what day it is until she lays the long stemmed red rose on the table.

He looks at it suspiciously. “What’s that for?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day.”

“Already? That’s crazy.”

Megan rolls her eyes. “You live under a rock.”

“True.” Jared agrees and looks at his sister. She got a rose on Valentine’s Day. She should be stoked, but her shoulders are slumped and she looks like she’s about to cry. “So what’s up? Bad day? Someone gave you a rose. That’s pretty cool.” He nudges her foot under the table, trying to make her smile. “No one gave me a rose. Even though I am a pretty cool big brother, but hey I understand if there’s no roses left in the world for me. It’s alright. I won’t cry myself to sleep.” He pretends to sniff and finally gets a half of a grin out of her.

“Well you can have this one.” She frowns again though, sliding the rose over to him.

“Who gave it to you?”

Megan sighs sadly. “Jensen.”

Jared isn’t surprised by that, but is confused about why that would make her this unhappy. “I don’t get it. You like him, right?”

“He’s gay, Jared. Told me today. He got all the girls at the coffee shop a rose just to be nice.”

“Oh. That sucks.”

“Uh, yeah.”

Jared doesn’t know what to say. “Well it’s nice that he got you all flowers.”

“Yeah. It’d be nicer if it meant something.”

“It does, Meg. It means friendship.”

“Yeah, whatever.” She doesn’t seem to be convinced.

Jared kind of finds the whole thing a little funny, the way she’s been going on and on about him. Man, that must really suck. He starts to laugh a little.

She narrows her eyes. “What the hell is so funny?”

“M’sorry, Meg. I am. But you gotta admit… it’s just a little funny.” Jared laughs.

“It is not!”

“You fell for a _gay_ guy.” He snorts. “It totally is.”

“He doesn’t even act gay! Doesn’t look gay at all! How the hell was I supposed to know?” Megan groans and buries her face in her hands. When her shoulders start to shake, Jared knows she’s laughing too. “All of us girls had such a crush on him. We are such idiots.”

Jared laughs harder at that. He can just imagine all the girls making coffee and swooning over this guy, not even knowing they never had a chance.

It really isn’t that funny.

But at the same time, it really kind of is.

**

While in class the next day Jared gets a text message from Megan and he almost, almost freaks out in the middle of lecture when he reads it.

 **Megan** to Jared: What do kittens eat?

He hides his phone under the desk to text her back.

 **Jared** to Megan: You did not just ask me that.

 **Megan** to Jared: Yes I did. Now tell me.

 **Jared** to Megan: We are not getting a kitten! I can hardly take care of myself.

 **Megan** to Jared: Just tell me what they eat!

Jared waits the five minutes until his class is over and as soon as it is, he has Megan on the phone.

“We are not getting a cat!” He shouts, making his way down the hallway.

“I know that, ass face!” Megan says, equally as irritated. “Jensen found a litter of kittens in his apartment complex and decided to keep one.”

“Oh.” Jared can hear small meows and a deep voice cooing it in the background. “Well. Okay, then. Shoulda said that in the first place.”

Megan huffs and Jared can practically see her rolling her eyes. “So can you tell me or not?”

“How old is it?”

“Umm… Jensen, do we know how old she is? No. We don’t know.”

Jared sighs. “Are her eyes open?”

“Yeah.”

“Can she stand up? Is she running around?”

“Not really… she’s a little wobbly on her feet but seems to know what’s goin’ on.”

Jared thinks for a minute. “She’s probably about two weeks old. You can go to the store and get kitten formula.”

“Really? Okay thanks.”

Jared can hear Megan repeat to Jensen what he just told her and then the phone goes silent.

That voice, Jared thinks as he snaps his phone shut. Jensen’s voice. It was neither deep nor sexy.

Except that it really was. Jared doesn’t think about that voice again.

**

The next week Jared reads about this young girl who was mugged downtown while she was out shopping. He immediately goes to the sporting-goods store and buys Megan some pepper spray.

“Here.” He says when he gives it to her. “Keep it in your purse. And maybe we should think about you taking some self defense classes.”

“Huh?” Megan takes the spray and turns it over in her hands. “What’s all this about?”

Jared doesn’t want to scare her by repeating the story he read in the newspaper but…

“Is this about that girl that got her wallet stolen last week?” Megan asks, “Because you don’t have to worry about anything like that happening to me.”

“Meg, will you just take it? Seriously, if anything ever happened to you…” Jared stops there and shuts his eyes. “You close at the coffee shop and then you have to walk to your car alone and--”

“No, I don’t.” She interrupts. “Jensen walks me to my car.”

“He does?” That’s surprising.

“Yeah, even if he gets off a little earlier than us girls, he’ll hang out and make sure we close up okay and then walk us to our cars. And even if he has to stay later, he’ll take a break to make sure we get out okay.”

“Oh.” Jared pauses. “Well he’s not gonna be there every night. Just take the damn spray please.”

“Fine, fine.” Megan throws it in her purse.

Jared feels some relief that there’s someone else looking out for his sister. It takes some of the pressure off of him. It’s good to know the kid ain’t so bad.

“He’s not a kid.” Megan says and Jared hadn’t even realized he said that out loud. “He’s like your age, maybe a little older.”

“Really? Huh.”

“Yeah.” Megan nods and grabs her keys to leave. “Hey don’t study too hard tonight. See you later.”

“Bye.” Jared watches as she goes and now feels really relieved that this Jensen guy is gay. He wouldn’t know how to handle an old pervert flirting with his sister. Although, Megan did say he was pretty cute. And he does walk her to her car at night. And apparently brings the girls roses. And adopts stray kittens.

In the back of his head, he wishes a guy would flirt with him, even if he can’t get close.

**

Two weeks later Jared almost has a heart attack when Megan tells him that she almost had to use the pepper spray that night at work.

Jared can’t breathe for a few full seconds and is instantly standing with his hands on his hips. His sweat pants are nearly hanging off his waist because he really needs to eat more. Right now he’s shaking. “What the fuck happened? Was it Jensen? Is he not gay? Did he try to do something to you? To one of the other girls?” Jared’s heart falls as he says this. He’d really thought Jensen was a good guy.

Megan looks exasperated. “What? God no! Jared, he practically saved me and Erin tonight.”

Jared breathes in deeply to calm himself down. “Explain. Right now.”

She sits on the couch and starts playing with her hair. That’s when Jared knows she’s really stressed.

“So Jensen was in the back taking out the garbage ten minutes before we were closing and this guy comes in, totally drunk. Well he starts saying that he wants free coffee and when Erin told him no, he went to grab her wrist over the counter and so I screamed really loud and that’s when Jensen came running back in and knocked the guy out. I mean, it’s lucky that Jensen’s freakin’ tall and in shape because the drunk guy was way huge. Anyway, we called the police and they took him away but fuck, JT it was so scary. I have no idea what we woulda done if Jensen hadn’t been there.”

Jared rubs his hands over his face, trying to take in the information. “Fuck, Meg.”

“I know. I hadn’t been that freaked out in…well, since.” She trails off, her eyes to the floor.

“Yeah. Fuck, Meg. You have to be more careful.”

“Hey I was just working. I didn’t do anything.”

“Fuck. I know, I know. I’m sorry. I just… _fuck_.”

Megan sighs and leans back on the couch. “I’m tired. Just gonna watch TV with you until I fall asleep, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, course.” Jared gets up and takes her shoes off for her, then grabs a blanket and covers her up. He kisses her on the forehead. “You want something to eat? Want me to get you some hot tea or something?”

She smiles sleepily and tells him to watch his star trek. She won’t even make him change the channel.

Jared stiffly sits on the couch and reviews the story in his head all over again. Jensen. Thank god for Jensen. He has never felt so much gratitude for someone he never met before. He hasn’t felt anything like this in a really long time. It’s like a new emotion. Kinda like love, but not really. But then again, how could he be kind of in love with someone he has only heard about? Now that’s just ridiculous.

He’s just lonely and completely overwhelmed all while making Jensen out to be this perfect guy in his head. Hell, he seems like a nice enough guy. He’s nice to Megan and that’s all that really counts. And so maybe Jared’s been fantasizing about him a little, ever since he found out Jensen’s real age. But that doesn’t mean anything. Whatever. Maybe he’ll go to the coffee shop and meet Jensen face to face. Tell him thanks for saving his sister.

Ruin the little fantasy while he’s at it because no one is that perfect.

**Jared never gets to the coffee shop the next day because he wakes up late for school and stays late for work. It has already been a really long day by the time he gets home and he falls asleep as soon as he hits his bed.

The same thing happens the next day and one of the other volunteers at the animal hospital has the flu so he offers to work double shifts all week.

It’s finally a slow night and his body is aching from standing on his feet all day, so he goes home early. He almost doesn’t want to stop at the coffee shop as he drives by. Doesn’t really know why. It’s not like he can have a relationship. Too scared for that, but the fantasy is so nice. Jensen is nice. It’s easy and he doesn’t want it to stop. He can’t get hurt just by thinking about the guy. Maybe he just doesn’t want to be disappointed. Although of what, he’s really not sure. But hot tea really sounds great right now so Jared pulls into a parking spot and gets out slowly, favoring his lower back. Damn, he’s sore.

“Hey! JT!” He hears Megan’s voice before he actually sees her.

She’s excited and now Jared is happy that he stopped by.

“Wow, you look like crap.” She cringes when she sees him.

“Hey thanks.” Jared glares at her and starts to run his fingers through his hair. Please don’t let Jensen see him like this.

“Long day? I’m gonna get you some coffee.” Megan says and walks behind the counter.

Jared shakes his head. “Nah. Just some tea, gonna crash when I get home.”

“Hi, Jared.” Erin smiles at him softly and blushes. He thinks she has a crush on him. It’s a little awkward.

“Hey. How’s it goin’, Erin?”

Erin shrugs and starts to wipe the counter with a damp rag. “Okay I guess. It’s really slow right now. Did Meg tell you about what happened the other night? Crazy, huh?”

“Yeah. You okay? Meg told me that he tried to grab you.”

She nods and blushes again. “Oh I’m fine. It was nothing. I’m so glad Jensen was here.”

Jared feels himself flush. “Yeah, I’m glad he was here too. You know you guys can always call me if you need to, right? I can be here in like five minutes.”

Megan hands him a cup of hot tea. “We’re fine, Jay. And yes, we know that.”

“So uh…” Jared scans the almost empty coffee shop. “Is Jensen here? I kinda wanted to thank him for savin’ your ass.” He teases.

Erin shakes her head. “No, he went out for his lunch to get a hamburger or something.”

“Oh.” Damn. That figures. “Well I’m gonna head out then. Feel like shit.” Jared tries to hold in a yawn.

“’Kay, see ya at home.” Megan waves.

He thinks he hears Erin say how cute he is when he leaves. And it’s funny because Erin is a cute girl. Real cute. About two years older than Megan. Big brown eyes and long silky hair. But he’s not interested. He’s only interested in a dude that he’s never met before. And even if Jensen were interested back, he’d be too scared to get to know the guy anyway.

**  
The aches in his body, the ones he thought he had because he was tired?

The flu.

Having the flu sucks, especially when there’s no one to take care of you.

Megan’s grossed out by all the snot rags sitting around the house and tells him to stay away from her. He’s surprised she doesn’t wear gloves and a handkerchief around her nose to keep the germs away. A few days later he feels okay again. Not great, but not totally sick either.

Until he passes it on to Megan and she gets sick. Then it’s just bad all around.

She stays home from school and when Jared pulls in that night, exhausted as usual, he’s a little pissed that one of her stupid friends parked in his space in the driveway.

“Meg!” He calls out when he opens the door. “I got you some of that medicine that worked for me when I was… sick.” Jared fumbles over the last of his words because sitting at the kitchen table is the most attractive man he has ever seen.

And Jared thought he was bi, he really did. The ladies are great. But now he knows that he is so, so, so gay.

“Hello. Jared, right?” The guy stands up slowly, reaching out his hand. “Hey, I’m Jensen.”

Jesus, fuck. Megan hadn’t mentioned his green eyes. Jared could get lost forever in those eyes. They’re this deep sea green color that just isn’t natural for eyes to be. His dirty blond hair is cut short, except a little at the front where it spikes up. And his face. God damn, this guy should be a model; perfect features including a strong jaw, high cheek bones, and full lips.

Jared steps closer and clasps his hand in Jensen’s. Crap, he’s got freckles too. Really cute, Jared thinks. Really fucking cute. And he’s pretty tall. And built. When he shakes Jared’s hand, the muscles in his arm flex and one long vein bulges under his skin. And Jared could probably stand here and look him up and down until he found every perfect thing about Jensen’s body.

Jared takes a second and looks at his own reflection in the microwave oven door. His hair is way too long, shaggy brown and his bangs are falling in his eyes, which are a tired hazel. He’s too thin but at least he’s been doing sit ups and pushups when he can’t sleep so he knows there’s at least some muscle on his upper body. The baby blue scrubs he’s wearing are wrinkled. Damn. He hopes he doesn’t stink.

“Hi. Jensen. Yeah. I’m uh. Jared.”

He could be imagining it, but he thinks Jensen just looked him up and down. A warm pool of tingles flutter in his stomach at that thought.

“I figured.” Jensen smiles and it seriously sends an affectionate shiver down Jared’s spine. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Same here.” Jared grins. Jensen’s hand is warm in his but if he hangs on any longer, it’d just get weird so he moves away.

“Hope it’s all good.” Jensen says.

Jared nods and leans back on the kitchen counter. “Actually, yeah, well, besides the fact that you’re gay.”

Surprised, Jensen laughs and rubs his temple. “Yeah, I felt bad about that one. Didn’t know all the girls were feeling that way about me and then when I figured out why they were always giggly… well, couldn’t keep that little secret for much longer.”

Jared laughs. He likes this guy even more now. “Hey I wanted to thank you for takin’ care of that drunk dude a couple weeks ago.”

“Ah, it was nothing.” Jensen blushes a little.

Jared wants to tell him that no, it was something and he doesn’t want to think of what could’ve happened that night if Jensen hadn’t been there, but he decides not to push it. “So uh. Where’s Meg?”

“Oh she told me she was sick so I brought over some chicken soup for her. She fell asleep though and I was just about to leave but I um… well, I found that book on the table and started reading through it. Sorry.” Jensen points to the open book on the table, looking embarrassed he’d been caught.

“My _Anatomy of Domestic Animals_ textbook? Really?”

Jensen shrugs and flips the book closed. “Yeah. It was kinda cool.”

“Glad you think so.” Jared says sarcastically. “After the first five chapters it gets kinda boring though.”

Jensen nods in understanding. “So you work at the animal hospital? I like the scrubs.”

“I just volunteer there after my classes.” Jared says, “Hoping to get a job there if I work my ass off enough.”

“That’s cool.” Jensen moves to grab his jacket. Jared doesn’t want him to go. “Well I should probably get goin’. I put some soup in the fridge if you want some. I didn’t make it or anything so it’s safe.”

“Oh. Yeah. Okay, thanks.”

“It was nice meeting you, Jared. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, maybe. Okay.” Jared curses at himself under his breath. He’s acting like a blabbering fool right now.

Jensen just raises one eyebrow and leaves. Now the house feels really empty again.

Everything had happened so fast. Jared now knows what Jensen looks like, but that’s all he found out. Oh, and that he likes to read random textbooks. And he brings soup to friends that are sick. Crap, Jared should’ve kept him talking, asked him about his new kitten, anything to keep him here longer. How is one person so nice? There must be something wrong with him. There has to be.

There’s one more thing Jared knows. That Jensen’s hand in his has been the most physical contact he has had in a long time.

He checks quickly on Megan, who is drooling and sleeping on the couch and then goes right up stairs for a little solo action.

Jared does not think about Jensen the entire time.

Jared also needs to stop lying to himself in his head.  
**

The next time Jared sees Jensen is a few days later at the coffee shop. Megan is healthy and working again so it was the perfect excuse to stop in and see how she’s doing.

He knows something’s up though, when he walks in and everyone is dressed in green clothes except for him.

Megan laughs when she sees him. “How the hell did you get through the whole day without realizing its St. Patrick’s Day?”

Jared shrugs, embarrassed. “I dunno. I didn’t talk to anyone. Do we celebrate St. Patty’s day in Canada?”

“Some people do.” She says as she reaches out and pinches him hard.

“Ow! Meg!”

“Well, you shoulda worn green! Hey Erin, Jensen, make sure you pinch my brother. Idiot didn’t wear green.”

Jared flushes once he knows for sure Jensen is there. He’d seen Erin behind the counter when he walked in, but hadn’t seen Jensen yet.

“Depends on where I get to pinch him.” A deep, playful voice says behind him.

Jared turns and there’s Jensen, licking his lips. Jensen had been looking down, but lifts his eyes to Jared’s. It’s very possible he was just looking at Jared’s ass.

“Haha, very funny.” Jared smiles, shakes his head. Hoping his ass looks good in these jeans.

Jensen leans in and studies Jared’s eyes. “I dunno, Meg. I think your brother has some green in those eyes. So looks like he got a safety.”

“A safety?”

“Yeah.” Jensen nods, apparently the master of holiday rules.

“My eyes aren’t as green as yours.” Jared points out, feeling stupid after.

Jensen shrugs. “They’re still nice to look at.” He says softly.

Megan’s voice is suddenly loud over the coffee grinder. “Hey you want a coffee or tea?”

“Um. Sure. Gimmie a coffee.”

“Lots of studying to do?” Jensen asks.

Jared nods. “Yeah, I have a big test tomorrow in my night class.”

Jensen’s face falls. “That sucks. We were all gonna go see that new scary movie tomorrow night. The one where they all get trapped in a cabin with ghosts? I was gonna see if you wanted to come along.”

“Really? That would’ve been cool.” Jared lies, because there was a difference between stopping by at the coffee shop and letting himself get attached to Jensen. Nope, not gonna happen.

“Well I might not be able to go.” Jensen says casually and flings a towel over his shoulder. “So maybe you and I could catch it on Saturday night… if you wanted to.”

“Uh. No. That’s okay. I probably have to work at the hospital.”

Jensen crunches his nose. “Even on a Saturday night?”

“Yeah.” Jared says but looks quickly away and to the floor. Actually, there was a late night Star Trek marathon with his name on it.

“Oh okay. Maybe some other time then?”

Jared doesn’t say anything because he would never let himself go out with Jensen. He just needed new material for his jerk off fantasies, and the way Jensen’s tight dark green t-shirt is stretching over his shoulders… he should be good for awhile.

“Here ya go.” Megan smiles and hands Jared his coffee. She’d been silently watching the guys the whole time.

“Thanks.” Jared says and sips it slowly. “I gotta get home. Hit the books.”

“Hey Jared,” Jensen says before he leaves. “Why do leprechauns always giggle when they run?”

Jared smiles, “Why?”

Jensen leans in close to whisper in his ear. “Because the grass tickles their balls.”

Jared laughs all the way home.

**  
The test was really, really hard. Probably due to the fact that Jared could not concentrate on studying at all the night before because Jensen whispered in his ear and that’s all he could think about.

Canine anatomy was the very last thing on his mind, although, the distraction was worth it. The tickle on his skin from Jensen’s warm breath would be perfect jerk off material for the rest of the week. Jared was very much looking forward to using it.

He had it all planned out. Friday night, after his last class, he would stop at the hospital on the way home to pick up a book he’d left there. Then it’d be just him and some pizza, beer, and the star trek marathon, which is actually on all weekend, much to Jared’s pleasant surprise. Then some sweet lovin one on one time with his right hand and his dick.

Of course, that’s not the way it goes. Right as he was about to leave the hospital, an emergency came in and Jared decided to help out. Stupid cat swallowed seven Barbie shoes. He even stole a copy of the x-ray, which is kinda cool.

It’s really late by the time Jared gets home, cold pizza and warm beer in the passenger seat, and he’s pretty sure that most of the marathon is over. At least he can sleep in tomorrow morning before going into the hospital for the late shift. That’s something else he’s definitely looking forward to.

At first he gets pissed when there’s a truck in the driveway along side of Megan’s Honda. He seriously does not feel like listening to a bunch of girls giggling all night about absolutely nothing. And then he recognizes it from a few weeks before.

Jensen’s over again.

Excitement rushes through Jared’s body in mad waves, settles in his stomach and lungs. The sensation is nice, but it’s not like he’s going to do anything about it. Not like he can act on it.

But it’s still nice.

He stumbles through the front door, trying to carry everything. All the lights are off in the house expect for in the living room.

“Hey Jare!” Megan calls out and walks into the kitchen, yawning. She’s wearing her pink and white stripped pajamas and fuzzy slippers.

“Hey, what’s goin on?” Jared puts everything down on the counter and straightens up. Damn, he forgot he was wearing an old pair of scrubs he kept in his locker for emergencies, the ones with tiny holes in the collar. At least he was wearing a white undershirt and hurries to take the scrub top off.

“Hi Jared, how are you?” Jensen walks in after Megan. His hair is a little disheveled but Jared thinks he looks great in his jeans and button down blue and white flannel shirt.

“Jensen, hey. I’m good. How’s it goin’?”

“I’m doin’ okay,” Jensen smiles. “Someone got scared after the movie though.” He teases and pokes Megan in the side.

“I did not get scared.” Megan huffs, hands on hips, “I just thought I saw something in the backyard when I got home and it was kinda dark and well…”

Jared laughs. “You got scared?”

“Okay so I got scared. But whatever, Jensen’s the one that came running over here when I called him.” She turns to Jensen. “I think you didn’t wanna be alone either.”

“Yeah, you got me.” Jensen shrugs. “Let’s just say I wouldn’t mind company tonight.”

“So the movie was that scary, huh?” Jared laughs again at the both of them. “I’m sorry I missed it.”

“Yeah, it was okay. How was the big test?” Jensen asks, sincerely curious.

“Uh, I don’t know. It went okay I guess. Kinda hard.” Jared replies. “Hey you guys want some pizza?”

“Nah.” Megan yawns loudly again. “I’m gonna go up to bed. You two have fun.”

They both wish her good night and Jared swears he catches Megan smiling in the reflection of the window when she heads upstairs.

Well whatever. Jensen is in his kitchen again and he’s going to enjoy this as much as possible. No feelings, just fun he reminds himself. Absolutely no emotions. None. Because then he’ll get hurt.

“Pizza?” He offers and Jensen nods. Jared grabs the box and beer, and then heads to the living room. “Sorry but we gotta eat in here. There’s this… well, something on tv I wanted to watch.”

“The Star Trek marathon?” Jensen guesses.

“How the heck did you know that?”

“Megan told me.” Jensen grins.

Jared groans in embarrassment, wonders what the hell else Megan told him, as he plops down on the oversized couch. But then Jensen starts to list off his favorite characters and Jared couldn’t be happier. Pizza, beer, tv, and now Jensen.

This might be a good night after all.

“So…” Jared takes a bite of pizza. “What else has Megan told you about me?”

Jensen shrugs. “Not much else. Just that you want to be a vet, which explains the text book I found and why you work at the hospital. I thought you just liked animals but wanting to be a vet is really cool, by the way.”

“Thanks.” Jared says.

“And that you moved here from Texas, which explains the dark as hell tan.” Jensen teases and then grows serious. “Must’ve been a big change, huh?”

“Kinda. I mean, I grew up in Texas and we moved to Canada when I was like, fourteen. It was weird living in Texas for a couple years again. But I left my life, had to start all over again here.”

Jensen takes a sip of beer, his eyes wide and concerned. “Must be rough. D’you still have friends from high school living around here?”

“Not really, we all separated after graduation. Did um,did Megan tell you why I moved back?” Jared asks.

“Yeah, she did. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” Jensen gets up from the chair and moves to sit next to Jared on the couch. “I know we just really met and all, but if you need anything… someone to talk to. Anything. I’m here for you. And Megan.” Jensen adds, patting Jared on the shoulder.

“I’ve noticed that.” Jared says, liking the weight of Jensen’s hand on him. “Are you nice to all the girls that work at the coffee shop or just my sister?”

Jensen laughs and settles into the couch cushions. He lifts his leg up to get comfortable and now Jared’s side is pressed into his knee. “Megan’s a sweet girl. They all are. But Megan just looked like she needed someone to talk to, needed some attention. God, she looked so broken. She’s lost so much.” Jensen pauses, looks at Jared like he’s thinking the same about him. “And then she just clung to me.”

“Yeah, she did need someone.” Jared feels like an ass that he couldn’t be there for her.

“And she’s really smart and fun to talk to.” Jensen says. “And I just moved here too so I didn’t know anyone in the area. Kinda worked out for the both of us I guess.”

“Really? Where’d you move from?”

Jensen bites his bottom lip. “Actually? I’m from Texas, born n’raised.”

“Oh damn. Pure bred too.” Jared laughs, tries to hold in a yawn a few seconds later. He wishes he wasn’t so tired, especially with this rare opportunity to be sitting on the couch with Jensen. At night. Alone. And it sucks because he wants to learn so much about Jensen. Add to what he already knows from Megan. What his likes and dislikes are. What his favorite basketball team is. Hell, even if he’s single. He wants to know everything. And at the same time, he’s scared to find out. Because that would be really going against the no emotion thing. Emotions mean losing the ones he loves and Megan is all he can afford to fit that bill right now, and hopefully he’ll never have to experience losing her.

“So…” Jensen starts softly. “Looks like you’ve had a long day. I should probably get goin.” He slowly moves to sit up, like he almost wants to be stopped, waiting for protest.

Shoving everything he had just been thinking aside, Jared pushes him back down with a hand on his chest. “What? Nah, man. We gotta catch the rest of the marathon. Just relax.” He says sleepily and grabs the remote. The tv flicks on and Jared gets up to turn off the light. He debates on whether or not he should take the chair Jensen had abandoned or go back to the couch. After a second of hesitation, he grabs a pillow and throws it to Jensen’s legs, then plops his body down, his head resting on the pillow. “Comfortable?” He asks, glancing behind him.

“Totally.” Jensen smiles down at Jared. His eyes are a color between grass green and sky blue in the dim light. The color of the earth swirled into one.

Jared can’t help but to grin back at him. “I’m really glad you stayed.” He yawns. “Gets lonely watchin’ Star Trek by myself.”

“Well we can’t have that.” Jensen says.

They’re silent for awhile and Jared is honestly content. It’s so pathetic how he can’t get this feeling by himself. So stupid that he needs someone else to give him this peace of mind.

Whatever. Just fun, he tells himself.

His skin tingles as he feels Jensen’s fingers at the top of his head. “Hey you have a bird feather in your hair.”

“Really?” Jared peers up and looks at the small gray feather in Jensen’s hand. “I musta gotten it when I went to the hospital. Birds were goin crazy cuz a cat came in.” He’s too tired to tell the whole story.

“S’okay. I’ll make sure there’s no more.” Jensen’s says quietly, his voice soothing.

His fingers thread through Jared’s hair once, twice, and they don’t stop moving until he falls asleep.

**

Jared sleeps hard. Really, really, really hard. Best sleep he’s gotten since before the accident and he never wants to wake up until his need of sleep is completely satisfied.

Except, he startles awake in the middle of the night.

The first thing he notices is the TV flickering. It’s so late that star trek isn’t on anymore but instead a knife infomercial. Who would need a knife that can saw through a brick?

Closing his eyes at the bright light, he groans deeply and inhales sharply, pressing his nose into the pillow. The flannel pillow. The hard, muscled, flannel pillow.

He jerks up. God, he’d been sleeping on Jensen’s chest. Talk about fucking awkward. _Shit_. The guy probably thinks he’s either a jackass or a total nutcase for cuddling all up on him. Fuck. Jensen’s probably pissed for falling asleep on him. Just like Luke was. How could he be so stupid? Jared calls himself every name in the book as he stares at Jensen’s chest. Then he thinks of an escape plan. Maybe he’ll just go upstairs and go to bed and just leave Jensen to sleep here. Yes. Pretend the whole thing never happened.

This. Never. Happened.

“Hey.” Jensen breathes in deeply. “You okay?” His eyes are lime colored slits, staring up at Jared. His lips look like he’d ran through a strawberry field in his dreams, stained with bright red.

Jared blushes and starts to lift himself up. “I’m sorry. Really, sorry.”

“’S okay. I don’t mind being your human pillow.” Jensen stretches and reaches for Jared’s arm. “You sure you’re okay? You were really out.”

Jared nods slowly, trying to regain himself. He sits on the edge of the couch with Jensen’s hand held tightly around his wrist, thumb smoothing over his pulse point. “Yeah, I just haven’t slept that well in a long time… guess I was just tired.”

“C’mere then. Stay awhile.” Jensen gives a small smile, pulling Jared back down, towards his chest.

“What? No, seriously. I shouldn’t’ve in the first place.”

“It’s okay, Jared. I said that I don’t mind.” Jensen moves over so Jared has more room to lie down next to him.

“You’re not pissed that I fell asleep on you?”

Jensen looks truly puzzled. “Huh? Why would I be pissed? You’re tired. Now c’mere.”

Jared shakes his head, his mind battling with what to do. He’s amazed that Jensen’s not mad at him. And sleeping isn’t anything bad, right? And he really, really wants to sleep. It’s not like he’s gonna fall for Jensen if he just sleeps on the guy. Jared sighs; looks at Jensen all sprawled out, the soft flannel shirt looking so comfortable.

Jared asks himself the decision making question: If Jensen were to die tomorrow, would Jared be alright? Hmm. Yeah, he’d be sad, really fucking sad, but his insides wouldn’t break again.

“Okay.” He says finally. “But no funny business.”

“Hey man, I’m just tryin’ to help a friend sleep.” Jensen says innocently.

Jared rolls his eyes as he lies down. “I hardly know you.”

“Pssh. You know plenty about me.” Jensen smiles. Jared briefly thinks that Jensen is right. He might not know everything about him, but Jared knows the important stuff. And the things that he does know, he really likes enough to be this relaxed around him.

Jensen’s fingertips run the length of Jared’s jaw as he tilts his face up. Jared is almost immediately asleep again. “So… would a kiss be considered funny business?”

Jared yawns, buries his nose in Jensen’s armpit. “Hmm?”

Laughing softly, Jensen says, “Never mind. Just sleep.”

And Jared does.

**

When he wakes again, it’s only early morning. Glancing at the clock, he starts to get up and when Jensen moans in protest, he whispers that he has to piss.

“Time is it?” Jensen asks, his eyes still closed.

“Four in the morning.” Jared whispers.

“Fuckin’ early.”

Jared stares at Jensen, his heart skipping a beat as he looks at his peaceful face, jaw slack and lips parted open. The freckles Jared thought were so cute a couple nights ago are still really freakin’ cute this up close and personal and he can’t believe he’s just spent the night with someone this gorgeous. The pressure of his bladder is starting to hurt though and Jared tears his eyes away, standing up slowly.

Jensen shifts and yawns sleepily. “You’re comin’ back, right?”

Jared smiles down at him, even though Jensen can’t see it. “Yeah. Yeah I’ll be right back. You okay?”

“Jeans are damn uncomfortable…” Jensen itches at the tight material around his thigh. “But I’m good.”

Taking one last look at _seriously_ the hottest guy he has ever seen sleeping on his couch, Jared walks down the hallway to the bathroom. He does his business quickly, washes up, brushes his teeth half way decently, and runs upstairs to stop in his room on the way back. His bed would be so comfortable to crawl into right now, but there’s no way in hell he’s not going back to Jensen’s warm body. If only somehow Jared could only get Jensen into his bed. Now that’d be sweet. But Jared’s not that smart this early in the morning and his mind already feels like he’s thinking in slow motion. So he changes into sweat pants grabs a pair of clean pajama bottoms and wanders back into the living room, trying not to bump into anything in his sleepy state.

The tiny snores coming from Jensen are a little funny and a whole lot adorable. He must’ve only been half sleeping because he starts to blink slowly when Jared walks back in room.

“I might as well piss too if we’re both up.” Jensen yawns, scratches his stomach lazily. “Meet you right back here?”

Jared nods and pushes the pants to Jensen’s chest. “Here. Change.”

Confusion crosses over Jensen’s face but then he realizes what Jared had given him. They pass each other closely in the open room, fingertips brushing together.

Jared grabs the big blanket folded over the chair and the remote to the tv. He falls back into the couch, stretches length wise and is glad the cushions are wide enough for the two of them.

When Jensen comes back, dressed in the same flannel shirt but now wearing Jared’s pants, he throws his jeans to the floor and grins with his eyes still half shut. “Hey. You took my spot.”

“Just shut up and get in here.” Jared whispers and folds the blanket open for Jensen to get under.

With their positions reversed, Jared presses his hand to Jensen’s back as Jensen curls into Jared’s chest.

“Feels good like this.” Jensen says softly.

“Mhm.” Jared agrees and turns off the tv, flooding the room with darkness and complete silence.

Their legs twine together as they settle, bodies pressed together. It’s not as sexual as it should be. Jared finds Jensen incredibly attractive; it’s not that he doesn’t. But right now it’s more about comfort and feeling safe. Getting just a _little_ close. Jared lets himself breathe in Jensen’s scent deeply, letting the waves of calmness flow through him.

**  
Sunshine floods the house at mid morning and that’s approximately the time Jared wakes up again. It’s not so much the light that wakes him, but the gentle nuzzling into his neck and fingers stroking slowly up and down his arm.

“Mmm.” Jensen moans softly, the low sound coming out like he’s just eaten the best steak in the world. “You are _damn_ cute in the morning.”

Jared squirms, feels the blush in his cheeks. “Jensen, God. This is happenin’ way too fast. You gotta stop, man.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Jensen pulls his nose from Jared’s neck, but places his hand on Jared’s chest. “I thought I’d be allowed to say those kinda things since we just spent the night together n’all.”

“We didn’t spend… I mean, it was just sleeping.” Jared stammers. “It didn’t mean anything.”

Jensen’s face falls. “Oh.”

“Look, I’m sorry. I just...” Jared searches for the right words. He hates seeing Jensen’s eyes so sad, that he made them that way. It sucks, but it’s just how it is. “I just lost my parents, ya know? I can’t get close to anyone right now. Don’t want to get close to anyone right now.” He clarifies.

“Oh.” Jensen’s frown deepens. “Well can we be friends at least?”

“Yeah,” Jared smiles, feels a weight lifting from his heart. Just because he can’t let himself be in a relationship, he’d hate to lose Jensen all together. “Yeah, that’d be awesome.”

“Can we be friends that flirt?” Jensen teases. His eyes drop to Jared’s lips and he leans closer to him.

Jared tilts his head, breathes deeply like he’s considering it, and watches Jensen’s mouth as well. “No.” He shakes his head and pushes Jensen off of him, laughing as his new friend’s ass hits the floor.

“Ow, you asshole,” Jensen lunges at Jared and a wrestling match begins, the two boys rolling on the floor and laughing like complete idiots.

Megan shuffles sleepily into the room, yawning and pulling her hair back into a ponytail. “What the hell are you guys doing?”

They stop and look up at her. Jared takes the opportunity to jab his elbow into Jensen’s stomach, who groans and tries to get away. “Well I’m takin Jensen to school right about now.”

Megan shakes her head in amusement. “Jen, you need any help down there?”

“No. OW! Fucker. I totally have this under control.” Jensen laughs as Jared pins him, his arms over his head. “Really, I do.”

“Mmm hmm.” Megan rolls her eyes and heads to the kitchen.

“Make us breakfast, woman!” Jared calls out after her.

Megan smiles to herself as she hears Jensen talk about Saturday morning cartoons and Jared’s excited, “Oh yeah dude! Scooby Doo all the way!”

“Nah, man, we gotta go old school and watch Bugs Bunny.”

“No! Dude! Marvin the Martian is the man!”

“Yeahhhh!”

She giggles and listens to the rest of their argument about which cartoon characters could kick each other’s asses. Pure entertainment, she decides, and is so glad Jared’s finally found someone he can connect with.

The rest of the day is spent getting to know about Jensen over some coffee and pancakes, which Megan did end up making for them, and a game of hoops in the driveway before Jensen has to get back home and Jared has to get to the hospital.

Jared learned that Jensen was going to school to be a physical therapist and was in his third year of college before he decided that it just wasn’t for him. So he took off for awhile, traveling through the states to find out what he wanted to do, where he wanted to be.

Money was never an issue because Jensen didn’t live a luxurious lifestyle, didn’t need much to keep him happy, and saved his money all through high school so he had plenty in his savings to get by for awhile. Funny thing is, Jensen knew he was going to need it exactly for this reason; to find himself and get out of Texas fast. Jared found that detail a little off and Jensen had rushed through it, so he didn’t say anything to make Jensen tell him more.

His road trip finally took him to Canada and for some odd reason Jensen liked it here so he found the first job that would take him and a small apartment down the road from the coffee shop.

Jensen tells Jared that he picked up odd jobs along the way, but he finally confides that what he’s really good at is fixing cars.

“Yeah? That’s pretty cool. I can hardly tell the engine from the battery.” Jared admits.

“But you can totally be in surgery, helping save an animal’s life. Now that’s really cool.” Jensen counters.

“Yeah it is.” Jared won’t argue. “But I love it. If fixin’ up cars is what you love, then that’s what you should do.”

Jensen shrugs, looks a little ashamed. “It’s more of just a hobby.”

Jared smiles fondly and he dribbles the basketball slowly. “My dad always told us kids that if we get to do our hobbies everyday for a living, then we’re fuckin’ lucky. And my dad was a pretty smart guy.”

“Sounds like it.” Jensen agrees. “So why do you want to be a vet?”

“Dunno. Animals are defenseless against us humans. They need someone to watch their furry little asses. Well that and they can’t talk back to me.”

“They can bite and piss on you.” Jensen laughs.

“Eh, it’s not so bad. I love ‘em anyway.”

“And I’m sure they love you too.” Jensen says softly.

Jared flushes at the way Jensen’s words came out so sincere. “So…” He changes the subject. “How’s your kitten doing? She’s probably a couple weeks old by now, huh?”

“How did you…” Jensen looks confused before he finally realizes. “That’s right. Megan called you and asked what we needed to feed her.”

Jared’s surprised that he remembers. “Yep.”

“Well she’s a fuckin’ handful, but I love her.”

Jared grins. “What’d you name her?”

“Well she looks kinda like a cow… ya know, all white with black spots all over. So I named her Patty.”

Laughing, Jared throws his head back. “Oh god, that’s hilarious and also kinda cruel.”

“Well what the hell else was I supposed to do?” Jensen laughs with him. “She really does look like a cow.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Maybe sometime you’d like to come over to my place?” Jensen asks, biting on his bottom lip. “Then you could meet her.”

Jared ignores the invitation and tosses the ball to Jensen. “Come on. One more game.”

**

The next night Jared and Megan are watching a movie when her phone beeps loudly. She pulls it from her pocket while she pops some popcorn in her mouth.

Jared sighs and hugs a pillow to his chest, wishing the soft cotton and fluff stuffing was Jensen. He wishes Jensen was here right now so he could cuddle. Lame, but very much true.

“Jensen really likes you.” Megan says, reading the text off her phone and looking up at Jared from where she lay on the floor. She’s lying on her stomach, her feet swinging behind her as she smiles knowingly.

“He just texted you that? For real?” Jared asks.

“Yep.”

“Lemme see.” He reaches for her phone but she snatches it back.

“Wait. I gotta reply back and tell him you’re moping cuz he’s not here.”

“Meg! Don’t you fuckin’ dare. Now give me your goddamn phone.”

“No! I’m gonna invite him over and tell him you loooove hi--” Megan’s cut off when Jared covers her mouth with his huge hand and still tries to get at her phone.

“Give it to me!”

“Never!”

“Give it to me right now!” Jared screams. God damn, Megan’s stronger than he thought. And she’s as quick as a goddamned cat.

“It’s my phone! You can’t use it!” Megan yells back. She pushes the phone under her stomach where Jared can’t reach it. Of course, he starts to tickle her and she laughs so hard she almost pees her pants.

“I don’t wanna use it. I just wanna see it.” Jared flinches as Megan’s bony little elbow stabs right in his ribs.

Megan shakes her head, still laughing. “Jared and Jensen sitting in a tree,” She gasps between giggles. “K.I.S.S.I.N.G.”

“Oh that’s so it!” Jared tickles right under her armpits, knowing it’s her weak spot and she squeaks loudly, turning suddenly and knees Jared right in the junk.

He groans and drops to the floor beside her defeated. His poor balls. They’ll never be the same again. He kinda feels like he’s gonna puke.

“Oh God, JT, I’m sorry!” Megan is still shaking from laughing so hard. “I didn’t mean to. Really, it was an accident.”

“Fuck.” He grabs his balls in his hand through his pants and rolls on floor. “I’m never gonna be able to have kids.”

“You don’t even like kids. That’s why you like animals so much.” Megan teases, patting his shoulder with an apology.

“That’s not really the point.” Jared moans again. The ache is finally starting to settle.

Megan smiles, “You want me to call Jensen so he can kiss it better?”

Jared chuckles under his breath before he pounces on her again; obviously not learning his lesson the first time.

Megan tries to get away and screeches at the top of her lungs, “MAMMA!”

Their laughter dies so suddenly that Jared can almost feel the impact in his chest. Megan calling out for mom’s help immediately brought him back to their childhood. To when the whole family was here, in this very house, laughing and living life.

Jared wants to pretend it never happened and Megan looks like she’s going to curl up in a ball and cry her eyes out. He has no idea what to say to comfort her because he’s hurting just as much.

After a minute of just staring at the floor, Megan slides her phone towards Jared. “Here. I’m gonna go take a shower.”

“Meg…”

“It’s okay. I’m okay. Just miss her so much.”

Jared can only nod because he does too. He watches her wipe the wetness from her eyes and walk down the hallway towards the bathroom.

After a few seconds of holding Megan’s phone, Jared finally starts to push buttons to find her text messages, thankful for the distraction. The most recent one is from Jensen that says just what Megan had told him. _I really like your brother.  
_  
Smiling to himself, Jared pulls out his own phone and copies the number into his contacts. Then thinks about what he’s going to say.

 **Jared** to Jensen: Stop texting my sister that you like me. That’s just embarrassing.

Jared turns the volume up on the tv. It seems less lonely when there’s noise in the house. A few seconds later his cell phone lights up and he shuts off everything in the living room, deciding to go to bed instead. His fingers shake as he presses the retrieve button as he walks to his bedroom.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Can’t I like you a little bit?

 **Jared** to Jensen: No.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Y not? U can like me back, I’ll let u

 **Jared** to Jensen: In ur dreams, pretty boy.

 **Jensen** to Jared: But ur so damn cute. I can’t not like you.

 **Jared** to Jensen: Well try cuz it ain’t gonna happen.

 **Jensen** to Jared: U totally just called me pretty. U sure ur not playin hard to get?

 **Jared** to Jensen: I’m sure.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Ur breakin my heart.

 **Jared** to Jensen: Sorry. Didn’t mean to.

 **Jensen** to Jared: What’re you doin rite now?

 **Jared** to Jensen: Gettin ready 4 bed.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Wish I was there?

 **Jared** to Jensen: Maybe. Just b/c I sleep better.

 **Jensen** to Jared: I can be there in 5 minutes.

 **Jared** to Jensen: No! You should go to sleep in your own bed.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Right now?

 **Jared** to Jensen: Yeah, it’s late dude.

 **Jensen** to Jared: I guess ur right. Wish you were in my bed with me tho.

 **Jared** to Jensen: Do you understand the whole not flirting thing?

 **Jensen** to Jared: But you like it when I flirt with u. Just don’t know it yet.

 **Jared** to Jensen: Friends don’t flirt.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Wanna be more than friends? I’d make it worth your while.

 **Jared** to Jensen: No thanks.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Fine. I’ll have to pretend my pillow is u then.  
 **  
Jared** to Jensen: Good night.

It takes a few minutes but Jensen finally texts him good night back.

Once he’s in bed, Jared sleeps better that night.

**Monday morning Jared wakes up thinking about Jensen. There’s already a text from him saying _Good morning, beautiful.  
_  
Beautiful? Jensen really is gay. Jared shakes his head, his grin huge, but doesn’t text back even though he wants to.

Luckily, he has only a couple classes until the afternoon. He gets a text from Megan while he’s in his last class of the day, saying that her car won’t start.

He texts her back that he gets out in ten minutes and will drive straight home to see what’s wrong. It’s snowing like crazy out and Jared really hopes he doesn’t freeze his ass off.

When he pulls up at the house though and sees Jensen’s truck already in the driveway again, he’s kind of irritated.

Jared has to yell because it’s snowing so hard. “What the hell, Meg! I told you I’d be here in ten minutes, why the hell’d you call Jensen?”

“He offered, jerk face!” Megan says loudly as she jumps in the car. Jensen slams the hood down and gives her the thumbs up.

She turns the car on and the head lights flood the driveway. “I gotta get to work, I’ll see you later.”

“Be careful!” Jared screams and watches as she waves him off, turning as she backs out into the street.

Jensen’s wrapping the jumper cables up and throws them in a small black bag. Even though Jared can hardly see him through the wind, he still takes Jared’s breath away. He’s wearing a white beanie and it lays low over his forehead. He’s all huge green eyes in that thing and Jared immediately needs to be closer to him.

“Hey, you wanna come in for some coffee?” Jared watches as Jensen hesitates and walks carefully towards him, not wanting to slip in the snow. “Come in and warm up.” He grabs the sleeve of Jensen’s coat and pulls him to the house. “Or do you have somewhere to be?”

“Nah, I have tonight off.” Jensen finally says after tossing the duffel full of tools in the back of his truck. “You sure you want me to come in?”

Jared rolls his eyes as he digs his keys out of his pocket. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Jensen is all of a sudden very close to Jared. “Will I be allowed to flirt?”

“Just keep it to a minimum, hot stuff.” Jared teases, but when he looks back at Jensen, he can see something serious in his eyes. Turning back to concentrate on getting the door open, he changes the subject. “I’m sorry Megan keeps callin’ you to do shit for her.”

“S’okay. I don’t mind.” Jensen says, stomping his boots on the mat outside. “It was just a dead battery because of the cold.”

“Yeah well, I’m her brother. I should be doin’ all these things for her, keepin’ her outta trouble.”

“Well I’m her friend.” Jensen replies, slipping out of his winter jacket. “I can help out too.”

Jared shakes his head and hangs his coat. “It’s not the same. You don’t need her buggin’ you all the time.”

“Jay, its fine, really. I don’t mind at all.”

Jared bites his bottom lip, decides that he won’t stop Jensen if he does choose to flirt with him tonight just because he kinda owes it to him. “Thanks for all you do for her. Not just for tonight but… everything. I really appreciate it, man.”

Jensen squeezes Jared’s shoulder. “Don’t mention it again.” He says sternly, eyes serious.

God, Jared loves him in that beanie thing he has on. He’s really disappointed when Jensen takes it off and runs his hand through his hair.

They sneak glances at each other, little smiles gracing their lips as they move to the kitchen.

“So you want some coffee?” Jared asks, moving around the kitchen.

Jensen sits at the table and leans back easily in the chair, watching Jared with affection in his eyes. “Actually… I could go for some hot chocolate if you have any.”

“Yeah. I think we do.” Jared gives a sexy wink. “With marshmallows.”

“Oh damn, pullin’ out all the extra stops.” Jensen gives a smile in return.

“For you? Only the best.”

“Why the sudden change of heart?”

Jared shrugs, staring down at his mom and dad’s coffee cups they used every morning. He puts them back in the cupboard and finds two different ones. “You’ve done so much for Megan. I guess I could stand to be a _little_ nicer to you.” He teases lightly.

“Hmm,” Jensen’s eyebrows furrow. “So what if I hadn’t been so nice to Megan? Not that I’d be mean to her or anything. But what if I was just a typical guy sitting in your kitchen? I never fixed her car, never rescued her from that drunk, never squished that spider for her, never helped her with her homework…”

“You helped her with homework too?” Jared asks, pushing the warm mug towards Jensen. “Jesus, I do owe you.” He mumbles.

“What was that?”

“Nothing… I mean, nothing would be different…”

Jensen frowns.

“Okay, so it would be different if Megan hadn’t talked about you, if you hadn’t helped her. But whatever, that’s the way it happened. So Megan came home from work and told me all these great things about you. Of course I’m gonna like you after all that.”

“She did?” Jensen’s face is slowly brightening. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah she did.” Jared sits down at the table. “Don’t you get it, dude? I mean, otherwise I wouldn’t’ve let myself…”

“Let yourself what?”

Jared cheeks flush. “Let myself get that close to you that quick. Shit Jensen, we basically spent the night together.”

“We just slept.” Jensen reminds him.

Jared squirms in his seat. “I know.”

“Or was it something more?” Jensen smiles, his eyes hoping as he leans closer.

They stare at each other for a few seconds before Jared blinks and breaks the contact. “Just drink your damn coco.”

Jensen sighs disappointedly and settles back in the chair. “So tell me about your last relationship then.”

“Why?”

“Uhh. I’m curious?” Jensen offers, shrugs his shoulders.

“Um. I don’t know.” Jared scratches the back of his head. “I dated this guy for like a couple weeks after Meg called me a pathetic loser who had no friends for the millionth time in a day.”

“It didn’t work out?”

“He’s now known as the asshole-with-no-dicks-for-brains according to Meg.”

“Ouch.” Jensen laughs. “What happened?”

Jared takes a sip of hot chocolate. “He got pissed at me for fallin’ asleep on one of our dates. I worked a double shift that day so I was stupid tired.”

“So…” Jensen processes the information. “That’s why you thought I was mad at you for passin’ out on me the other night?”

“Yeah.” Jared says sheepishly.

“That’s been your only relationship since you moved back?”

“Um… kinda.” Jared admits.

“It’s been what? Almost six? Seven months?”

“Well after the accident… I just couldn’t see anyone. Still don’t talk to anyone besides Megan and now you. And now my right hand and I are best friends.” Jared jokes, still blushing.

“And on that note.” Jensen gets up and moves to stand behind Jared. Jensen bends down to whisper in his ear. “I’m sorry that I have to go, even though I’d love to hear all the details about you and your right hand.”

“Wanna hear the details about my left hand too?” Jared laughs and peers up at Jensen.

“Mmm, God, don’t tempt me.” Jensen pushes Jared’s bangs from his eyes and hesitates before he leans further down and gently kisses Jared on the forehead. “You’re killin’ me here. I’ll see you later, okay?” He grabs the coffee cup he’d been using and puts it in the sink on the way out.

“You sure you don’t wanna stay?” Jared turns around in the chair. “Maybe watch a movie or something?”

“I’m gonna have to take a rain check.” Jensen says, pulling on his coat and beanie. “Y’got me so worked up I need to visit _my_ right hand, immediately, if you know what I mean.”

Jared is instantly hard as he hears the click of the front door shut.

**

Megan gets home from work late and Jared waits up for her, as usual. He hates that he can’t sleep when she’s not in the house. Jared will stay up for hours on the nights she spends over at a friend’s house. He’ll finally have to take some flu medicine so he passes out, even though he’ll feel like crap the next day.

He expects her to go straight up stairs by the time she gets in, but instead she knocks lightly on his bedroom door.

“Meg?” Jared looks up from his phone. He’d been debating on if he should text Jensen or not tonight.

“Who else would it be?” Megan teases as she opens the door. “Ew, you seriously have to clean up in here. It’s disgusting.” She says, glancing at the floor.

Jared rolls his eyes. “It’s just dirty laundry. Chill out.”

“So,” Megan swings the desk chair out and sits down. “We have to talk for a sec. Well, actually I have to talk and you get to listen.”

Jared nods, lets out a burp and grins when Megan makes a face.

“Can you not be gross for one second?”

“Nope.”

Megan sighs heavily. “I have no idea why Jensen finds you attractive at all. You’re clearly sick in the head.”

Jared burps again, this time smiling proudly at how loud it was.

“Anyway, freak. I wanted to tell you that Erin invited me to her parents place in Florida for spring break and I’m gonna go.”

“Uhhh,” Jared raises his eyebrows and shakes his head. “No you’re not.”

“Yes. I am.”

“No. You’re not.”

“Yes, JT. I am.”

“You can’t!”

“What? Why not?”

“You…” Jared looks her up and down. “You’re too damn young.”

“I’m gonna be eighteen soon. I’m going to Florida and there ain’t nothing you can do about it.”

“Meg! You can’t go! I’m the adult around here and I say no, so there!”

“You know for a fact that mom and dad let you go skiing in Colorado for your spring break. And you were a senior too! Same age, same everything!”

“That. That… but…”

Megan gets a smug smirk on her face. “What, Jared? And don’t you dare say because I’m a girl!”

“I just… fuck, Meg.” Jared slumps against his pillow. “It’s just gonna be so lonely here…”

Megan’s face falls. “Why don’t you go on vacation too?” She says softly. “Go skiing or something again. It’d do you good.”

“I can’t leave the hospital for that long and I’ll probably have a paper due over break.” Jared says reluctantly. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’ll be plenty busy I guess.”

“You sure?” Megan bites her bottom lip, eyes searching. “I mean… I could probably stay here. I could find something to do.”

“No.” Jared sighs. “Go on your fancy vacation. Live it up while you’re young.”

“Like you’re that much older than me.”

Jared ignores her. “But I do have three ground rules you have to follow. Not up for discussion.”

Megan dramatically throws her head back and huffs loudly. “What.”

“No drugs. No booze. And no boys.”

“Jared.” She whines. “The first two I can promise, but the last one? No way!”

“Meg! Just humor me!”

“Fine, fine. No guy would probably be interested in me anyway.”

“Don’t be stupid. Unless…” Jared shifts uncomfortably. “Um. Well. I know mom had the sex talk with you but--”

“Please don’t finish that sentence!” Megan groans.

“Okay, okay. I’m just sayin’. Abstinence.” He coughs loudly, holding his hands up in defense. “And are you sure it’s gonna be safe? Her parents live in Florida, really?”

“Yep. Remember I told you that Erin and her brother Marc moved here for college so they both go back whenever they can.”

“Her brother’s going too?”

“Yep.”

“Oh. Good.” Jared’s relieved. “He can watch out for you then.”

“Yeah and he’s nineteen and totally hot!” Megan giggles. “I can’t wait!”

Jared frowns as she claps her hands excitedly and jumps up. She runs over and kisses his cheek, practically hoping up and down.

“And don’t worry too much about being lonely. I’ll tell Jensen to come over and keep you company.”

“No! Meg, don’t do that.”

“Why not? He’s your boyfriend now, right?” She snickers.

“Don’t be stupid. We hardly know each other.”

“Eh, just give it time.” Megan ruffles Jared’s hair like he’s five years old and flees to her room, claiming she has to pack.

Spring break is like two weeks away, Jared thinks. What can she possibly have to pack right now? He sinks down in his bed with his stomach in tight knots already. If something happens to her… god, he can’t even think about it.

Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath trying to calm himself. Well, he better get some sleep now because he’s going to get absolutely none in the next coming weeks.

**  
Jared keeps himself busy for the next couple of days and goes to bed as early as eight o’clock one night just so he could get some rest with Megan still in the house. Jensen had text him a few times during the week, flirting and texting stupid stuff, like jokes. Jared didn’t respond. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he just didn’t know what to say to make him take a step back. It was all getting a little too intense and Jared didn’t know how to handle it. So instead, he ignored the situation.

And just like he thought, a ten page paper was assigned the last day before spring break so he spent the weekend before getting all his books and notes together. If he worked really hard for the first few days, he could finish the paper and have the rest of the week to try and relax.

It was the perfect plan.

Megan left Thursday night, but only after he took a practically sheer dress out of her suitcase. Actually, first they had fought about it, and then played tug-of-war with the purple poke-a-dot material until it ripped in half. Megan was pissed while Jared looked extremely satisfied with himself.

Until the screaming began and then the crying, and by the time the night was over, Jared found himself at a Wal-Mart at almost midnight, buying a purple dress, which he later found out was a thing that Megan would wear over her bathing suit. Which was fine, it really was. Because Jared learned his lesson and vowed never, ever to mess with his sister’s crap in the future because there was no way in hell he’d go through the embarrassment of buying a slinky dress at a store, in the middle of the night, ever again.

**

His first night alone in the house, Jared drinks two red bulls in the late evening so he can stay up all night working on his paper. It turns out that reading about infectious diseases and foreign animal diseases into the wee morning is not that exciting, but he did finish the first three pages of his paper, which is a really good start.

Jared ends up passing out on the couch as the sun rises and fills the house with warm rays. For some reason, it’s easier to sleep when it’s day time if he’s alone. The nap doesn’t last for long though and he gets up when his phone beeps. Nervous butterflies flutter in his stomach as he grabs it off of the coffee table, hoping that it’s Jensen.

But it’s not, much to Jared’s disappointment. Although, it is Megan saying that she got there safely, Erin’s parents are really nice, it’s really hot, the beach is beautiful, and everything else she could fit in a text. Jared sighs deeply and closes his eyes again. Just another hour and he’ll get back to the books, he promises himself.

After a few minutes his phone beeps again. He really doesn’t feel like knowing more about how great it is on the beach for Megan, but he picks up his phone anyway.

 **Jensen** to Jared: I miss u.

Jared smiles, almost sets his phone back down, but something makes him press the respond button instead of ignoring Jensen like he had been all week.

 **Jared** to Jensen: Sorry.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Finally! Howdy stranger.

 **Jared** to Jensen: How r u?

 **Jensen** to Jared: I’d be better if u were here. What’re u up to right now?

 **Jared** to Jensen: Writing a paper 4 school.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Does this mean I can’t take u on a date 2nite?

 **Jared** to Jensen: Sorry

 **Jensen** to Jared: Me 2. How bout tomorrow nite?

 **Jared** to Jensen: Can’t. 10 page paper, only half done.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Bummer. Rain check?

 **Jared** to Jensen: Maybe.

 **Jensen** to Jared: K. I’ll take what I can get. Talk 2 u later?

 **Jared** to Jensen: Sure.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Good. Now get 2 work!

 **Jared** to Jensen: Bossy much?

 **Jensen** to Jared: Please with a cherry on top?

 **Jared** to Jensen: Better.

And Jared does what he’s told, dragging himself off the couch and back to his books and computer. It takes a lot of effort to keep Jensen off his brain and animal diseases on.

**

Jared gets six more pages done by Monday and he’s super proud of himself because it was pure hell of a paper to write.

He leaves for the animal hospital very early that morning and he’s still tired because the only sleep he has gotten is from a few catnaps over the weekend. He has a whole seven more days to go before Megan gets home and he’s seriously debating on whether or not to get some sleeping pills.

Jared’s half way into his shift at the hospital, his scrubs already doused with cat pee, when a huge St. Bernard dog comes in that was shot in the side with a paintball gun. The pellets punctured the skin and the nurses needed the dog on the examining table so Jared told them all to stand back and since he was the only guy around, thought he’d just lift the gigantic animal all by himself.

He promptly pulls his back out, falls to the floor, with two hundred pounds of drooling dog on top of him. The pain shoots side to side in his lower back and it hurts so much he thinks he’s going to pass out.

After some of the doctors come to his rescue, it takes three of them to finally lift the dog off of Jared. The nurses decide to send him home with some anti inflammatory medicine, which is only some ibuprofen and tell him not to come back for at least five days. Meanwhile, he should rest and put on an ice pack and then a heating pad on his back.

Driving home was a complete bitch and it’s all Jared can do to lie down before anything else, even though he seriously stinks and wants to get in the shower more than anything. He also wants to cry, but he’s man enough to hold it in and he really misses his mom in times like this because she’d know exactly what to do. Even his dad and Jeff would be some comfort right now. Hell, even Megan would be if she were home.

He falls asleep for about ten minutes before his phone starts beeping in his pocket and only if he lies really still, he can get it without hurting too bad.

 **Megan** to Jared: You should have totally come to the beach! It’s soooo pretty here!

 **Jared** to Megan: Leave me alone. I’m dying.

 **Megan** to Jared: What’s wrong? You okay?

 **Jared** to Megan: I’m fine. Just pulled my back out at work. Gonna go pass out from the pain now.

 **Jared** sighs in relief when she doesn’t text back. Finally peace and quiet. Sleep.

 **Jensen** to Jared: Megan just told me to come over to ur house. Everything ok?

 **Jensen** to Jared: J?

 **Jensen** to Jared: I’m coming over. Be there in fifteen minutes.

**

Jared wakes to the sound of the front door slamming closed. It could be a murderer to come kill him and he couldn’t care less. At least maybe the psycho could put him out of his misery. Fuckin’ back pain is the worst.

“Hey? Jared? Where are you, man?” Jensen’s voice is like music to Jared’s ears.

“Jen? Jensen?”

“Yeah, it’s me, dude.” Jensen kneels by the couch and slowly pushes Jared’s bangs from his eyes. “You look pretty wiped out.”

“Back hurts.” Jared says softly. Like really, really, really hurts is what Jared wants to say.

“I know. Megan sent me a text. Here, take this.” Jensen says and pushes a pill towards Jared’s mouth.

“What is it?”

“Just a mild muscle relaxer, it’ll make you sleep.” Jensen helps Jared take a sip of water from a water bottle and helps him lay back down.

“Gon’stay?” Jared mumbles, more than he thought because Jensen laughs and asks, “What?”

“You gonna stay here?” He tries more clearly.

“Yeah, Jay. Yeah. Don’t gotta worry ‘bout anything, darlin. Gonna be right here.”

“Fuckin Tex talk.”

“What?” Jensen is laughing again and Jared thinks he better just shut his mouth before he really embarrasses himself.

“Just sleep.” Jensen soothes over and over until Jared is out like a light.

**

Jared blinks a couple of times before he can make out the image of Jensen sitting in his father’s recliner, remote control in hand, staring at the tv. He lets out a sigh and closes his eyes again.

It’s nice to have someone here.

What seems like only a few minutes later, Jared opens his eyes again to the same scene, except Jensen notices that he’s awake.

“Hey, how you feelin’?”

“Like shit.” Jared says, irritation oozing from his tone. Why the fuck did this have to happen on spring break? Dammit. “And I have to piss.”

“Need any help?”

“No.” Jared spits, glaring at Jensen. Apparently he’s in a really shitty mood too.

“You sure?” Jensen asks with an eyebrow raised. “Because it looks like you’re about to tip over…”

“No I’m--” And Jared feels the world tilt to the side.

Jensen is instantly next to him, grabbing onto his arm. “Whoa there buddy. I gotcha. Damn, there’s a lotta of ya, ain’t there?”

“Bathroom,” Jared demands. “Now.”

Once his bladder is empty, Jared finally realizes that his back doesn’t hurt as bad as before. He wanders in the living room, his hand gently massaging his lower back tenderly. Jensen sits in the chair all curled up, his shoes sitting under the coffee table.

“How long was I out?”

“Coupla hours.” Jensen replies getting up and stretching his arms high over his head. Jared stares outwardly, not caring if Jensen catches him.

“Thanks for staying.” Jared says, honestly thankful. “How’d you get in here anyway? I thought I locked the door when I came in.”

“Megan showed me where you guys hide the key under the rock.”

Jared sits down slowly on the couch, his hand still cradling his back. “Great.”

Jensen shrugs and sits to put on his shoes back on. “You’re probably gonna pass out again, sleep off more of the relaxer. I’m gonna head to the grocery store and get something for dinner. There’s seriously nothing to eat in your refrigerator.”

“Okay…” Jared takes a deep breath. He is not going to ask Jensen to stay the night. He is not. “Well thanks again for comin’ over. Maybe we can hook up later this week.”

Confusion crosses Jensen’s eyes. “Huh? I’ll be right back, man, gotta get you some dinner.”

“Oh.” The knots slowly unravel in Jared’s stomach. “Oh. Okay.” He smiles. It’s the first relief he’s felt all day.

**  
Jared does pass out again and when he wakes up, he feels oddly refreshed. Maybe his body needed the sleep, needed to relax. His back is still sore, but the rest of him feels good.

Maybe it also has something to do with the fact that Jensen is whistling in his kitchen.

“What the hell is all this?” Jared asks as he sleepily walks into the other room. There’re tons of bags full of Easter candy sitting on the table.

“It was on sale so I stocked up.” Jensen shrugs. “And jelly beans are my favorite.”

“Yum.” Jared reaches out to open a bag because sugar sounds really good about now, but Jensen slaps at his hand.

“Dude. Not before dinner.”

“Ah man, c’mon. Seriously? Just one?”

“Are you insane? I make this awesome frozen lasagna from scratch and you wanna ruin your appetite on jelly beans?” Jensen saunters over to where Jared sits and leans into his personal space. “I don’t think so.”

Jared tilts his head, moves even closer to Jensen’s face. “First of all, you’re heating up a frozen dinner. That’s not making it from scratch. And second, they’re jelly bellies so really it’s like having a pear before dinner.”

Jensen bites his bottom lip, bends his arm that is holding him up on the table so they’re even closer now. He stares at Jared’s mouth intently. “What would you do right now for a jelly bean?”

Jared would back off, but he’s got nowhere to go. He slicks his lips with his tongue. “Say please?”

“Please what?” Jensen’s voice is a whisper, almost pleading to invite him in.

“Please.” Jared says softly, lifting his chin ever so slightly towards Jensen’s mouth. “Can. I. Have. A. Jelly. Bean?” And with each slow word Jared’s moves closer and closer, wondering if they’re really talking about candy or something else entirely.

Jensen takes a deep breath in, considering his options and pulls back. “No.” He grabs the bag and puts it on the counter.

“Yeah.” Jared snorts, tries to hide the disappointment that the moment is over. “There’s like five more bags of candy right here on the table.”

Jensen sighs as he walks over and grabs all the bags. “Just like a fuckin five year old.” He mumbles as he searches through one of them, pulling out a white tube and handing it to Jared. “Here, play with that.”

“I thought we were just gonna be friends and you buy me lube?” Jared frowns, picking it up.

“What? That’s not lube!” Jensen has a mortified look on his face until he sees Jared laughing. “It’s Icy Hot for your back, asshole.”

“Thanks.” Jared sets it down and spins it on the table. “Help me put it on later?”

“Sure.” Jensen says flatly, doesn’t look at him but Jared can tell that he’s trying to keep himself composed. “How the hell’d you do this to yourself anyway?”

“Tried to lift a St. Bernard on the exam table. Went down like a pussy.” Jared shakes his head, embarrassed.

“Too much of a stud to ask for help, huh?” Jensen teases, his ass sticking up as he opens the oven door.

“No. There were just the nurses around and I didn’t want any of ‘em to get hurt. The dog… no, the beast was pretty out of it.”

Jensen brings two glasses of milk over to the table. “Next time lift with your legs, sweetheart.” He says and brushes his hand to Jared’s cheek.

“Jackass,” Jared grins and pushes Jensen away. “How the hell do you know about all this stuff anyway?”

“My dad used to pull his back out all the time.” Jensen replies as he takes more stuff out of the fridge. “How’s your mattress? Maybe we should sleep on the floor tonight.”

Jared’s stomach tingles at the word ‘we’ and it feels too good. “It’s fine, pretty new.”

“Well I got like two more of those muscle relaxers if you need ‘em. Left over from when I pulled my shoulder out.”

“Ouch.” Jared crinkles his nose. He reaches over to one of the bags Jensen hadn’t taken away from him. “Can I at least have a…” He looks at the candy. “A chocolate Easter egg?”

“Hey what’d the egg say to the boiling water?” Jensen asks, already giggling under his breath.

“What?” Jared smiles.

“Might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid.”

Jared throws his head back and laughs hard. “Oh god, dude, c’mon. Take it easy on me, I’m still sore.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Jensen brings over two bowls of salad and then two plates of lasagna and some bread. It might’ve all come pretty much already made from the grocery store, but it couldn’t smell any better.

“You seriously made me a kick ass dinner.” Jared grins, his eyes sparkling as Jensen blushes and sits down across the table. “Thank you, you’re freakin’ awesome.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just eat.”

They eat in silence for a few seconds and Jared can tell he’d just embarrassed Jensen. He kinda wants to take it back just for that reason, but what he said was true. It feels good to be taken care of for once. He’s been trying to look out for Megan all these months since his parents and big brother aren’t around to do it anymore and it’s been, well… exhausting.

But it’s probably not what Jensen wants to be doing on his night off.

“No seriously. Thanks.” Jared says again, stretching his leg out to touch Jensen’s. “You didn’t have to go through all this trouble. I woulda been fine on my own.”

Jensen shrugs. “I don’t mind. You’re good company.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, usually I eat dinner by myself so this is a nice change.”

“Well maybe next time I’ll make you dinner.” Jared suggests, after shoving a forkful of salad into his mouth.

“Can we make it a date?”

Jared hesitates, takes another big bite of food so he can think it over.

Finally, Jensen breaks the silence instead. “Is there a reason why you don’t trust me?”

“I do trust you. That’s the problem.” Jared sighs.

“What does that even mean?” Jensen slides his foot over Jared’s under the table. “I don’t get it.”

“I just… I’ve lost so much this year, ya know?” Jared says softly. “I don’t think I could stand for someone to come into my life and then be taken away again so soon.”

“I guess I can understand that.” Jensen looks at his plate. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try harder.”

“Jensen…” Jared breathes out heavily. “Why the hell should you bother?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” He asks easily.

Jared almost snorts. “You could have any dude you wanted. I’m a fuckin’ mess, man.”

“Mmm… maybe.” Jensen says slowly in that sexy way that only he can. “But you’re kinda nice to look at.”

“Jensen…”

“Jared…” Jensen says in the same tone, mocking the seriousness Jared was trying for. “What? You don’t think I’m nice to look at too?”

“I didn’t say that.” Jared admits, picking up his glass and drinking some milk. “Why the hell am I drinking milk? Can’t we have some wine or something?”

Jensen laughs at that. “Why? Would that make it more romantic? And no, you can’t have wine when you’re on pain killers.”

“Oh yeah.”

“How’s your back feelin’ anyway?”

“Better. God, I thought I was gonna die this afternoon.”

“Well it’s startin’ to get late. And you need to shower.”

“I do?” Jared sticks his nose in his scrub top and takes a whiff. “Ew, yeah I do. I forgot a cat pissed all over me. It must’ve dried.”

Jensen holds in a gag and starts to clean the table. “That’s really gross.”

“C’mere and give me a hug.” Jared opens his arms out wide. He pushes his chair back and stands up, moving towards Jensen.

“Get your nasty ass pee stain away from me.” Jensen laughs. “I’ll touch you all you want after a shower.”

“I’m really offended.” Jared puts his hands on his hips, trying to keep from smiling.

“Shower.” Jensen says sternly. “I’ll meet you in your room… if that’s okay?”

Jared gets those familiar tingles in his stomach that he’s getting quite fond of. “Yeah. Just make sure to bring the jelly beans.”

**

The warm water feels so good on Jared’s back that he stays in the shower longer than usual. Eventually, he gets outs, combs his wet hair back and brushes his teeth. He stares in the mirror for a few minutes, curses lowly because he looks like shit. He needs more sleep to get rid of these bags under his eyes. He’s never seen himself look this tired before. So empty. So guarded. His eyes are almost drained of life. As soon as he thinks of Jensen though, waiting in his room, he gets a dull sparkle back.

He wraps a towel around his waist tightly and heads to his room. A slight pang of guilt enters in his gut as he passes his parents room. He hasn’t been in there since before the accident and doesn’t know how they’d feel about him being alone in the house with another dude. But whatever, he’s old enough and it’s not like he’s about to have sex right now… even if his penis really, really wants him to.

But no, absolutely not.

“Dude, you are such a nerd.” Jensen says when Jared walks into his room. “You have all the seasons of Star Trek New Generation. I don’t know if I can talk to you anymore.”

Jensen is sitting in the middle of Jared’s bed in just pajama pants with jelly beans on one side of him and the tube of icy hot on the other. Jared can only process freckled shoulders, flat stomach and perfect nipples as he stares. The sight makes Jared’s knees weaken.

“Oh so is that why you put in the first DVD?” Jared finally teases back once he gets his bearings. “Just admit that you’re just as much of a Trekkie as I am. It’s alright, man. I get it. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Well we gotta watch ‘em in order.” Jensen says seriously as he turns the volume down, still not able to tear his eyes away from the screen.

“Are those my pajama’s?” Jared asks, searching for another pair in his clean clothes pile. It’s a good thing he cleaned up his room a little last week or he’d be really embarrassed to have Jensen in here right now.

“Yeah, I’m so not sleeping in jeans again.”

“You want a shirt?” Jared offers, grabbing a pair of pants for himself and starts to slip them on under his towel.

“Nah. I’m good. And don’t put one on either so I can put some of this on your back.”

Jared can actually feel his heart flutter in his chest. How the hell did he let himself get in this deep? Fuck.

“C’mon, man. I’m gettin cold over here all by myself.” Jensen says, spreading his legs open for Jared to sit between. “Let me show you what my magic fingers can do. It’s your lower back, right?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Jared has to remember how to breathe. In and out. In and out. He scoots slowly on the bed and sits cross legged, too far away for Jensen to really reach him. Jensen doesn’t say anything. He just grabs the lotion and moves forward to settle behind him.

Jared feels the warmth from Jensen’s breath on his neck. Feels his heat too, swarming him like a blanket. It almost hurts that it feels this good.

“Tell me if I put too much pressure on, okay?” Jensen says, dumping a glop of the white cream in his hands. “Shit this is cold.”

“Huh?” Jared hadn’t really heard a word of what Jensen had said. He was completely in his own dream state, numb by another person so close to him. In his bed. In his pajamas.

Jensen slowly runs his hand along Jared’s lower back, his fingertips smoothing over the skin. “How’s that?”

“Huh?”

Jensen holds in a laugh. “How does that feel, Jared?”

“Oh. Um. Good.”

“You sure?” Jensen massages a little deeper, his thumbs now moving in small circles around Jared’s spine.

Jared leans back into the touch. “Oh yeah.”

“You like that?”

“Mmm.”

Jensen smiles and wraps his hands around Jared’s sides, pulling his hands up and down his back. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Fuck.” Jared closes his eyes, lets himself enjoy the sensation. “Yes.”

“Damn, you gotta lot of knots back here.” Jensen whispers, shifting even closer to Jared. “That’s it… just relax.”

And Jared does. He lets his shoulders slump and his head fall forward, leaving Jensen with complete access to his back. Jensen’s fingers are strong and confident. His hands are wide and determined. His touch is gentle and soothing. He rubs and squeezes at Jared’s flesh, reviving the life and muscle. The tension, the guilt, the constant being on guard all seems to fade away. It all slithers from his body and out the door. In its place warms contentment and ease.

Jared finds himself leaning until his back is resting on Jensen’s chest. His arms are lying limp on Jensen’s knees and just as he’s about to fall asleep, he feels Jensen’s nose press behind his ear.

In the softest voice Jared has ever heard, Jensen says, “Can I kiss you?”

Jared doesn’t say anything. He can’t. It’s like concrete has been poured down his throat.

Jensen takes that as a yes, starts to press his open mouth to the nape of Jared’s neck, across his shoulders, slowly taking his time with each kiss. Like each one means something.

Finally Jared finds his words. “Jensen…” His voice is shaky, warning.

“I know, I know. I’m pushing my luck.” Jensen sighs disappointedly. “Can’t kill me for trying though, right?”

“C’mon. Let’s go to bed. You almost put me to sleep.” Jared untangles himself from Jensen to get up and turn off the lights.

“You want me to take the couch?”

Jared is half way to the television to switch it off. He can’t look at Jensen, but he shakes his head no. He turns out the overhead lamp, but the room is still lit plenty from the moon light flooding through the window.

Jensen’s under the covers when Jared gets back to the bed and he climbs in as well. Once he’s settled, he feels something pressed to his mouth.

“Open.” Jensen says.

Jared parts his lips and touches the tip of Jensen’s finger with his tongue. The candy falls in his mouth and he chews it up. “Mmm. Strawberry.”

Jensen laughs and feeds him another one.

“What kind was that one?”

“Cinnamon.”

Jensen lets his fingers linger at Jared’s lips. “Don’t suppose I can ask for a taste?”

“I’m sure there’s another one in the bag you can try.”

Jensen groans in frustration. He moves his hand from Jared’s mouth, only to press his hand over Jared’s chest and down his side. “I’m sorry. It’s like I can’t not touch you.” He admits.

“You can touch me.” Jared says quietly, moving Jensen’s hand to around his back and causing their bodies to cuddle more closely. “Just keep it above the equator.” He wraps his arm around Jensen’s back too, stroking the soft skin he finds.

“Can I spend tomorrow night here too?” Jensen asks, sliding his feet to tangle with Jared’s.

“Yes. And the next night after that. And the next night. And the next.”

“Is that it?”

“Until Megan gets home. Because then it would be weird.”

“Yeah.” Jensen yawns. “I guess it would be.”

Jared stares into Jensen’s sleepy green eyes, moves his head closer and brushes his nose against Jensen’s. “Hey thanks for today. I really appreciate everything you do. More than you know.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything, but only moves closer so they are completely wrapped around each other. Both of them are hard under the pants they wear and as difficult as it is, they ignore the ache. They fall asleep just like that and neither wake until morning.

**

Trying to fall asleep hard is one thing. Waking up with still having a boner really, really sucks.  
Jared is about to die. He doesn’t think he’s ever been so hard in his life and Jensen is sleeping next to him, all cute and sleepy and Jared has to remind himself that staring at Jensen really is not helping the massive tent in his pants.

He rolls over to lie on his stomach when Jensen starts to stir, closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep when Jensen yawns.

The bed creaks under Jensen’s weight and Jared holds his breath. His lungs start to sting by the time Jensen moves again and not away, like Jared thought it would be.

Jensen’s running his fingertips over Jared’s arm slowly, tenderly. “Jesus.” He whispers.

Jared lets his eyes flutter open. “What’s goin’ on? You okay?”

“Yeah. Fine. You got some massive scratches on your arm though.”

“Really?” Jared lifts his head to look where Jensen is slowly tracing up and down his arm. “Damn, I didn’t even notice those yesterday. Must be from the dog. Or the cat.”

“Me either.” Jensen rises up on his elbows, pulls Jared’s arm in front of him and starts a slow trail of kisses down the thin red cuts.

And Jared lets him. Maybe because it’s early and Jared’s still tired, but he definitely does not pull away. He watches instead. Watches as Jensen closes his eyes as he kisses him. Watches the unhurried and steady movements. Feels Jensen’s moist lips on his broken skin.

Finally, his senses come to him. “What’d you think you’re doin’?”

“Makin’ it all better?” Jensen smiles wide, goofy almost and it makes Jared laugh. It also makes the moment pass and they start to laugh lowly. “Ugh. I need a shower.” He says, hugging the pillow to his face and closing his eyes again.

“You’re gonna fall back to sleep.” Jared yawns. “I might too.”

“How’s your back feelin’?”

Jared carefully stretches his body, afraid he might pull something. “It actually feels pretty good. Still a little sore though.”

“I’d take it easy for a couple of days. Don’t wanna tweak it again. That’d suck.”

“Yeah.” Jared agrees. “I need to finish my paper up anyway. What’re you up to today?”

Jensen’s eyes are still closed so Jared looks freely. “I dunno. Might just stay in bed all day.”

Jared thinks that could be arranged, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he grabs the bag of jelly beans from his nightstand. “Want a banana one for breakfast?”

“Mmm sure.” Jensen grumbles. “Gimmie one.”

“Ya gotta pay the toll first.”

Jensen opens his eyes quickly at that. “Gladly.”

“God, Jensen. I was just kidding.” Jared opens the bag and pushes a candy towards Jensen’s mouth.

“You’re a damn tease.”

“You like it.”

“Leave me alone, I’m sleeping.”

“I thought you needed to take a shower.”

“Change of plans.” Jensen slides his arm over Jared’s chest and pulls him closer. “We’re sleeping in today.”

**

Sleep is awesome, Jared decides around one o’clock in the afternoon. He hasn’t felt this relaxed or this rested in a really long time. Aside from swishing mouthwash and taking a piss each, both never left the bed for the whole morning. They phase in and out of sleep, content enough to just lay there and talk for awhile before drifting again.

Jared’s phone beeps and he groans when he reaches to grab it.

“Who is it?” Jensen’s head is under a pillow, his voice muffled.

“Well you’re here so it must be Megan.” Jared says dryly. He fails to outright mention that they’re the only two people he really talks to anymore because that would just be pathetic.  
He reads the text and as he rolls on his stomach. “Megan’s having a good time.” He tells Jensen. “She says she’ll kick my ass if I’m not being nice to you.”

“Better be nice then.” Jensen says with one eyebrow up, a smirk on his lips.

“I’m always nice to you.” Jared bumps Jensen’s shoulder with his.

Jensen gives a playful nip to the skin over Jared’s bicep. “Could be nicer.”

Jared ignores him. It’s getting easier as Jensen keeps right on flirting, but Jared really wonders when he’s going to crack. “Okay. It’s seriously time for me to get up. I have to finish this fucking paper before it kills me.”

“Want me to make lunch? I’m starving.” Jensen says, patting his flat stomach. He scratches down the blonde hairs of his happy trail and Jared can’t look away.

“That’s okay, I can do it. Since you made dinner last night n’all.” Jared can’t help but to rest his hand on Jensen’s abs. He leans up, almost as a reflex, and presses his lips to the corner of Jensen’s mouth. It’s just a peck, doesn’t even count as a proper kiss, but it still leaves Jensen breathless. “See?” Jared pats Jensen’s stomach. “I’m being nicer to you by the minute.”

Jensen stares at him, like he wants to throw Jared down on the bed and ravish him. Jared gets kinda giddy by the hunger in Jensen’s eyes and he gets up before Jensen can act on it.

“Can you be extra nice to me?” Jensen whimpers as Jared gets off the bed.

“Can you get your ass in the shower while I make lunch? How does tuna sound?”

Jensen scrunches his nose.

“Okay, I’ll find something else.” Jared chuckles and slips on a t-shirt and just keeps his pajama pants on. The house is chilly so he turns up the heat on the way down stairs. Gross. There’s the pile of dishes still in the sink from yesterday and that’s the last thing Jared feels like cleaning up. When he leans to open the dishwasher, Jared notices his back is still tight so he pops three ibuprofens just to be on the safe side.

He stands in the middle of the kitchen and just looks around for a minute. It’s crazy, but all he wants to do today is hole himself up with Jensen, preferably on the couch and lounge all day. It’s what he wants more than anything right now. He shakes the thought from his head though and gets to work on going through the fridge for something to make for lunch.

There’s a ton of food that he doesn’t remember buying and realizes Jensen must have last night. He grabs an apple that wasn’t on the counter two days ago and starts to slice it, deciding that he’s not going to think anymore about what’s going on with Jensen. He is just going to go with the flow and let whatever happens, happen.

At least for the rest of the week. After Sunday, it’s back to not getting attached, back to normal.

By the time Jensen comes down from his shower, Jared is scooping peanut butter out of the jar with apple slices. He smells the scent of his ocean breeze body wash on Jensen’s skin and it’s not turning him on. It’s _not_.

“What we got goin’ on over here?” Jensen grins as he stands behind Jared and wraps his arms around his waist. Jensen lets go quickly though, almost like he remembers that they’re not actually in a relationship or anything. So Jared sidesteps him and presses Jensen into the counter, reaching around his waist to get to the apple.

He puts his chin on top of Jensen’s head since he has a few inches on him and grips Jensen’s hip with his free hand. “Just your typical gourmet lunch. Figured I’d go all out.”

Jensen laughs and presses his back to Jared’s chest. “Can’t go wrong with apples and peanut butter.”

Jared brings the fruit to Jensen’s mouth, dips to brush his nose through the hair behind Jensen’s ear as he takes a bite at the same time.

“Fuck. Jared.” Jensen swallows quickly and holds the edge of the counter. Jared brings both hands to Jensen’s waist, gripping him tightly so he can’t move and continues to breathe in his scent. “You’re seriously giving me the wrong impression right now, especially considering that you just told me last night that I couldn’t make a move on you.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” Jared loosens his fingers and steps away, “Just had to get that outta my system.”

Jensen stands there for a minute, his shoulders tense as he calms down. Jared pretends he doesn’t notice and grabs a juice from the refrigerator.

They eat some sandwiches, which Jared makes while Jensen reads the newspaper, and talk about crazy things that go on at work. Jared totally tops Jensen’s story about the milk going bad and everyone puking in the coffee shop with the cat coming in with Barbie shoes in its stomach.

“Remind me to show you the x-ray I took from work.” Jared says as he clears their plates from the table.

“Okay. You’re seriously gonna do homework? Right now?” Jensen whines.

“The sooner I finish it, the sooner it’s done and I can relax for the rest of the week. I only gotta couple more hours anyway.”

“Is it cool if I hang out here while you work?”

“’Course it is.”

Jared moves to the living room, grabbing his text book and laptop, while Jensen searches for something to read in his dad’s den. He smiles when Jensen comes back with one of his mom’s old romance novels instead.

“You are so freakin gay.”

“I am?” Jensen says, shocked. He clutches his heart and falls to the couch, his feet in Jared’s lap.

“You’re seriously gonna read that crap?”

“Hey man, I need to learn how to put the moves on the ladies.”

Jared laughs. “Why?”

“I dunno.” Jensen shrugs, “To get free pie at restaurants?”

“Good reason there, Jense. I give you about thirty minutes till that book puts you to sleep.”

Jensen flips through the pages and settles back into the pillow. “Honestly? I give myself about fifteen minutes.”

“Idiot.” Jared smiles fondly and goes back to his text book, idly stroking Jensen’s ankle through his sock.

A whole ten minutes later and Jensen is snoring under his breath. Jared shakes his head and reads the same sentence five times before he makes himself concentrate on anything besides the gorgeous guy sleeping two feet away from him.

It ain’t easy.

**By the time Jared finishes his paper it’s late enough to eat some dinner and go to bed. He has no idea how Jensen will be able to sleep all night after napping all day.

“I love sleep.” Jensen explains seriously. “And sleep loves me back. We have a love lovin’ relationship.”

“If you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” Jared teases like he’s back in preschool.

“Oh trust me, I would if I could.”

“I might be a little jealous.” Jared admits, smiling wide.

“You should be. I’m a total slut for sleep.”

“Dang, Jensen. What else do you whore yourself out for?”

“Just you, baby. Just you.” Jensen tries to hold in a laugh but when Jared glares, he lets it out. “So come on, what’re we doin’ for dinner? Pizza sound good?”

Jared nods and turns down his computer. He’s fucking done for the night and he feels damn good about his progress. “Yeah, that sounds great. Can I have a beer tonight?”

“Yes, you freakin’ princess. How’s your back?”

“Feelin’ good.”

“Need another massage tonight?”

“Maybe.” Jared bites his bottom lip. He really shouldn’t.

“Don’t lie.” Jensen yawns, stretching out on the couch. “You’re a total slut for my magic fingers.”

“Maybe.” Jared repeats.

“Yep, total whore for ‘em.” Jensen continues to mock. “Spreadin’ your legs n’all for ‘em.”

Jared nearly spits out his beer and coughs.

Jensen’s cheeks turn beat red. “Oh dude. Hold on. I didn’t mean that literally. I was tryin’ to make a joke… shit.”

It’s right at that moment Jared remembers that he hasn’t jerked off in almost two days. Not to mention that he’s been around Jensen for the last twenty four hours and well… he’s kinda surprised he hasn’t been hard all day.

“I’m really sorry. I swear I didn’t mean anything by that.” Jensen holds his hands up in defense.

“Uh huh.” Jared rolls his eyes. “Just order the damn pizza. No anchovies!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jensen grumbles, pulls out his cell phone, the pizza place number already in his contacts. Jared can tell he’s still embarrassed.

“Hey you wanna watch a movie tonight?”

“I say Die Hard marathon. I’ll probably be up all night anyway.” Jensen says.

Three hours later, stomachs full of pizza and beer, Jared doesn’t get his massage because they both fall asleep on the couch. It’s not until the middle of the night when Jared wakes and drags Jensen to his room. They fall into bed and wrap around each other for another night.

**

That was Tuesday. Wednesday is spent playing golf at the course by Jared’s house. Actually, Jensen plays golf while Jared loses a whole bucket of balls and then decides that his back is to sore so he’d rather work on his tan instead.

Thursday the weather is crappy so they go bowling in the afternoon and then the movie theater that night. Jared bitches enough about his back again and how the weight of the ball is too heavy to carry that Jensen promises to rub some more lotion on his back. Jared doesn’t admit that he was probably a little whinier than he meant to be, not that he really cares.

On Friday Jensen has to work in the morning so Jared spends the time proof reading his paper and making corrections. Jensen comes back over after his shift and they clean up the house a little and settle in front of the X-Box.

Each night they sleep in Jared’s bed. Each night their fingers trace patterns on each other’s skin. Each night they press their feet together. Each night Jared brushes Jensen’s nose with his, their lips passing so slowly but never touching.

Each morning they wake with Jensen’s back to Jared’s chest, snuggled so tight under Jared’s arms. They shower separately, stroking their dicks hard and quick when they get a chance alone, the other wondering if they’re both doing and thinking the same thing.

That’s as far as it ever goes.

It’s nice. It’s natural. Jared feels almost… normal. Like having Jensen around will never fully make what happened to his family disappear, but he does dull the pain a little.

Okay, so maybe a lot.

Saturday afternoon Megan comes home all bronzed and golden skin. The tops of her ears and the tip of her nose are a little red and Jared can’t help but to tease her about it.

She jumps in Jensen’s arms first and then hits Jared in the shoulder hard when he points out her freckles.

“Hey I don’t have a problem with freckles at all.” Jared moves to sit by Jensen and gives him a pointed look.

“Better not.” Jensen pokes Jared in the stomach.

Megan sits on the floor with her luggage surrounding her, smiling so wide that her nose crinkles. “Did you guys finally get together while I was gone?”

“Meg!” Jared groans and drops his head to the back of the couch. “No. We did not.” He half expects Jensen to jump in with all the ways he tried to get together with him, but he just sits there quietly.

“That’s too bad cuz I totally got lucky.” She sighs dreamily.

“What!?” Jared screams. Jensen laughs.

“Well okay, not like that, but me and Marc--”

“Erin’s brother?”

“Yeah. We totally hit it off and we’re like, official now.”

“Isn’t he in college?” Jensen asks.

“Yep!” Megan smiles proudly. “I mean, he’s a freshman but he likes me! Wait till all the girls at school find out. Those bitches.”

“Great.” Jared mumbles. “Just please don’t get preggo and we’ll be fine. Oh and I need to meet this douche bag before you go on anymore dates with him.”

Megan blushes. “It’s not like I’m gonna get pregnant, JT. I mean… we haven’t even – it’s not like I’ve ever… well. Just. Never mind.”

“Aw.” Jensen snickers. “Meg, you’re so pretty.”

“Shut up!” She cringes and buries her face in her hands.

Jared looks shell shocked and can’t say anything except, “Gross!”

“Anyway! What else is goin on around here? I miss anything good?”

Jensen shifts closer to Jared but doesn’t say anything.

“Not really, besides me breaking my ass and Jensen playin nurse all week.”

“That sucks.” Megan says, her eyes gone serious. “You okay now?”

“Yep. Good as new.”

Megan stands from the floor and gathers her suitcase. “Better take it easy, big brother. Slow it down a notch for me, ‘kay?”

“I know. I will.”

“Well I’m gonna unpack and go to bed.” Megan yawns. “I’m beat.” She turns before going upstairs and says, “Hey. I missed you guys.”

“Missed you too, lil sis.”

Jensen gives her a smile too and Megan grins happily as she runs upstairs.

Jared waits until he hears her door shut before he turns to Jensen. “You okay? You’re being all quiet on me tonight.”

“Yeah. I’m okay. Kinda sad this week was over. I had fun.” He threads his fingers through Jared’s and holds his hand tight. “Walk me outside?”

They get up from the couch and Jared really doesn’t want to see Jensen go. He doesn’t want to spend the night alone. Already, he can feel the emptiness in his chest. This is exactly the reason he didn’t want to get too attached.

“I had fun this week too.” Jared whispers when they reach Jensen’s truck. He grips Jensen’s hand tighter in his and lets his eyes fall to the pavement, shoulders slumped in disappointment.

Jensen lifts Jared’s chin, strokes his thumb over Jared’s bottom lip. “Hey. You wanna do something tomorrow night?” He asks lightly, peering up to look into Jared’s sad hazel eyes.

“I’ve already taken up, like, all of your time. I’m sure there’s shit you need to do.” Jared sighs.

Jensen pauses, thinks about it for a minute. “Maybe. But I’d rather spend my time with you.”

**

The next night Jensen comes over and makes an awesome dinner for Jared and Megan, including banana splits for dessert.

It is probably the best night that Jared’s had in a really long time.

He thinks about giving Jensen a good night kiss in the doorway, but chickens out at the last minute. Instead, Jared leans in close, almost rests his forehead’s to Jensen, and rubs the tip of his nose along Jensen’s sharp cheekbone.

“Thanks for dinner.” He whispers.

Jensen sighs deeply in the embrace, shuts his eyes hard like he doesn’t want to let go. “Any time.”

**

After spring break, they all fall back into their routine. Except now, Jared and Jensen’s routine includes morning, mid day, and evening texts. They call if they have time and energy, but with Jensen picking up hours at the coffee shop and trying to find a car garage to work at instead, he’s tired by the end of the day. Jared can barely drag himself inside the house after his classes and shifts at the hospital, but the small fact that he knows Jensen is thinking about him throughout the day, even though they’re both busy as hell, makes time fly by.

Almost two weeks go by without seeing each other until one afternoon when Jared’s class is canceled and he has the night off from the hospital. He immediately calls Jensen and leaves a message on voicemail for him to get over to his place for beer and pizza.

Until then, he’ll get some reading done, Jared decides, snuggling down on the couch.

An hour later he’s woken up from the dead of sleep with a poke in his ribs and green smiling eyes staring down at him.

“Hey there sleepin’ beauty. Want me to kiss you awake?”

Jared groans and starts to shove Jensen away, but then grabs a handful of his t-shirt and tugs Jensen back for a hug.

“I missed you.” He mumbles, before even realizing what’s coming out of his mouth.

Jensen laughs into Jared’s neck before he settles on the floor next to the couch. His fingers play with the hem of Jared’s t-shirt and Jared can almost feel the warmth on his stomach.

“Missed you too.” Jensen grins and grabs the textbook from Jared’s lap. “I see you were studying hard.”

“More like sleeping hard.” Jared looks at his watch and flops back on the cushion. “Damn, I was out.”

“Want me to leave? You look fuckin’ tired.” Jensen thumbs over a dark circle under Jared’s eye. “Seriously, Jare.”

“Oh and you look so much better.”

“What’s wrong with the way I look?”

“I can tell you’re tired too.”

“How?”

“Lips are pale.” Jared lets his fingers fall to Jensen’s mouth, touches him gently.

Both look at each other with concern when Megan bursts through the front door. They snap apart and watch expectedly for Megan to walk into the room. What they don’t expect is for her to be in tears.

“What the hell is wrong? What happened?” Jared sits up and is about to go over to her, but Megan shakes her head and holds up her hand. Jensen heads to the bathroom to get her some Kleenex.

“It’s nothing. Just stupid shit.” She sniffs.

“If it’s nothing, you wouldn’t be upset.” Jared points out.

Jensen reappears and hands Megan some tissue, gives her a little squeeze on her shoulder and sits back down next to Jared on the couch.

“It’s high school stuff, JT. You told me to get over that shit, remember?”

“Oh come on, Meg. Just calm down and tell us what’s wrong.”

She tries to glare at him through her tears, but she curls up in their dad’s recliner and sighs deeply. “I can’t go to prom.” She blurts suddenly. “And I really, really wanted to go since I didn’t go last year because I was such a loser I didn’t even have a boyfriend and now I DO have a boyfriend, a really hot boyfriend who I told all my friends at school about, who don’t really believe me, and now he can’t go to prom with me because he won’t even be in town. GOD! Why does my life suck so BAD!”

Jensen and Jared glance at each other. “Did you get all that?”

“All I heard was prom, boyfriend, and can’t.” Jensen says.

“Why can’t Marc go with you?” Jared asks, the tension easing from his shoulders now that he knows nothing is seriously wrong. Drama he could handle, serious bodily injury? That’s another story.

“Because he has to go back to Florida that weekend. His father is having surgery and he has to help his mom. Which I totally understand and everything, but WHY did it have to be on the same weekend as prom!”

“Meg…”

“I know, okay? I know I sound completely selfish. I know I do. I just… this is my first time having a boyfriend, ya know? And all those girls have been so fucking mean to me this year. I just… I’m just gonna look like a complete idiot.” She sniffs again and wipes a tear from her eye.  
“I was so stupid for even thinking that it could be different this year.”

“I’m sorry, Meg.” Jared looks down, knowing how important this was to her. “That really does suck.”

Jensen clears his throat, glances at Jared and then at Megan. “I’ll take you.” He says easily.

“What?”

“Huh?”

Jared whips his head to look at Jensen and Megan stares with her mouth hanging open.

“I mean, you really want to go, right?” Jensen asks slowly. “And you can’t let those girls think they’re right because they are so not.”

“You… you’d really do that for me?” She whispers.

“Well sure.” He turns to Jared’s shocked eyes. “It’ll be fine. We’ll just dance to a couple songs and drink bad punch.”

“Thank you.” Jared whispers.

Jensen shrugs. “It’s not a big deal.”

Megan suddenly gets up and practically skips towards Jensen, her arms falling around his neck. “No it is a big deal. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She squeals in joy and falls over Jared’s lap too.

“You do realize that you’ll have to wear a tux and hang out with a bunch of high schooler’s all night?” Jared smirks.

Megan hits Jared on the arm hard. “It won’t be that bad. We won’t even have to stay that long.”

Jensen leans to whisper close in Jared’s ear. “I better get some kind of reward for this.”

Jared just smiles as he playfully squeezes Megan’s kneecap and they both fall to the floor wrestling. Jensen watches with amusement until he’s dragged down too and used as a shield from Jared’s fingers to Megan’s knees.

The rest of the night is spent by Megan talking a mile a minute about the prom, Jensen inwardly groaning, and Jared laughing at Jensen’s expense.

**

A few days later Jared walks into the kitchen. Well, what used to be the kitchen because right now? The whole table has girly foo-foo shit all over it including pages ripped out of magazines with all various colors and types of dresses, jewelry, shoes, purses and random crap that Jared doesn’t even wanna know what it’s for.

“Meg. The kitchen is not your bedroom. Clean this shit up.” Jared mutters as he pushes the magazines to the side. He just wanted to eat his frozen dinner in peace before having to start a five page paper.

“I need all this stuff and it’s not moving until I find the perfect dress.” She whines, sitting next to him and stealing some sauce off his plate.

“I thought you went last weekend to look for a dress. Didn’t you find one?”

“No.” She pouts. “I need boobs. You think mom would be mad if I got some fakes ones?”

Jared nearly spits out his milk. “Unless you’re talking about socks in your bra, yeah, I’m pretty sure she’d be pissed off.”

“But I need boobs to fill out these dresses.” Megan sulks. “Why am I even talking to you about this? You don’t understand.”

Jared shovels more food in his mouth. “Look, I’m sorry mom isn’t here to do all this girly stuff with you, but trust me when I say your body is just fine the way it is.”

Megan pulls her shirt from her chest and peers down. “You think?” She asks, shaking her body a little.

Rolling his eyes, Jared puts down his fork. “Yes, I’m sure. Guys don’t go for that fake shit anyway. Marc likes you just the way you are, right?”

“Yeah.” She smiles. “He does.”

“There ya go.” Jared says knowingly. “Hey are you gonna introduce Jensen as Marc? How you gonna pull that off?”

“Nope, I’m gonna tell all those bitches that two guys were after me. Two hot older guys.” Megan grins smugly. “And that I let Jensen take me because Marc was insane with jealousy. Then I’ll break up with Jensen, of course, and get back together with Marc, who learned to control his emotions. It’s awesome.”

“Sounds like an interesting little story you made up for yourself.” Jared doesn’t quite understand her plan but he’s happy that she seems so pleased.

“And by the way, you’re seriously gonna have to put in a favor for Jensen if you know what I mean.” Megan says.

“Huh?”

“I totally owe him one.” She says seriously. “And there’s nothing he wants from me. But you… well, you get what I’m sayin’. Hook the dude up, will ya?”

“Jesus, Meg. I’m not doing any sexual favors because he’s taking you to prom.”

Megan giggles and gives a sly glance. “Who said anything about favors? Like you wouldn’t enjoy it. And besides, it’s not like y’all haven’t fooled around by now.”

Jared doesn’t say anything. He fills his mouth with food instead.

**

It’s another week before Jared sees Jensen again. He has papers due at the end of the semester and really wants to get a head start because the tests will be killer too. So Jared’s a little surprised when he hears the doorbell ring and Megan running down the stairs to get it.

Jared rolls his eyes and goes back to his computer… until he’s pretty sure that’s Jensen’s voice he hears. Megan’s whispering and Jared really wants to know what the hell is going on, but he also needs to finish this sentence before he forgets his idea.

“Hey.” Jensen greets and Jared hadn’t even realized he was in the kitchen. Jensen’s warm, big hands are at his shoulders and they start to knead at his skin.

“God damn, that feels good.” Jared practically moans and lets his hands fall from the keyboard. He’d been at it for way too long and forgot to stretch. “What’re you doin’ over here anyway? Did we have a date that I forgot about?”

Jensen scoffs. “No. Since you won’t even let me ask you out on a date. Megan asked me to come over.”

“Why?”

“Because Marc is coming over here to introduce himself to you and she’s nervous.”

Jared rolls his eyes again and leans his chin backwards so he’s looking up at Jensen. “So what? You have to be here to make sure I’m not a total ass to the kid?”

Jensen pushes the bangs from Jared’s forehead with smooth fingers. “Yeah. Pretty much. Although I don’t know how much help I’ll be since I’m kinda protective of your sister too.”

Mumbling something, Jared lets his eyes close at Jensen’s touch.

“So? I came all the way over here. Can I get a kiss now?” Jensen asks, his voice teasing but his eyes serious and wanting.

“You’re never gonna give up, are you?” Jared sighs and taps his cheek.

Jensen leans down to kiss right where Jared pointed, then moves his mouth to Jared’s ear. “Nope.”

The doorbell rings again and Megan shrieks for them to, “Be nice or I’ll kill you!”

Jensen pulls back and laughs, he starts to massage Jared’s shoulders again since the muscles there seem tense.

“We look like we’re boyfriends.” Jared mutters as Marc walks into the room shyly.

Jensen doesn’t get a chance to ask Jared what exactly he meant by that because Marc is reaching out to shake his hand.

“Um. Hi. I’m uh. Marc. Um. Megan’s girlfriend.”

Jensen and Jared both snicker.

“I mean! Shit. Shoot! Megan is my girlfriend. I’m her boyfriend. Oh man.”

“Dude. Kid. Relax.” Jared says and points to a chair. “Take a load off. I’m Jared, Megan’s brother and this…” He points his thumb at Jensen. “Is Jensen.”

Marc smiles weakly and fidgets in the seat. “Nice to meet you.”

Megan’s face looks just about as red as Marc’s. “Hey I’m gonna get something to drink. Marc, you want a coke?”

“Sure, thanks.”

“Jense? Want anything?”

Jensen shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good. Thanks though.”

Megan turns and walks back into the kitchen. Jared squints at his sister’s boyfriend, not really seeing the hotness she’s always talking about. He’s okay looking, his nose is kinda big, but he has olive skin and nice brown eyes, almost like almonds. He looks completely like Erin. He’s tall and thin and yeah, the more Jared looks, the cuter the kid gets.

“So Marc. Guess you’ll be missin’ out on the prom, huh?”

“Yeah. I feel really bad about it. Megan told me you’re taking her, Jensen. Thanks for that.”

“No problem.”

“I’d totally go, but promised my folks I’d be there to help with my dad.”

“What kind of surgery is he having?” Jensen asks.

“Knee replacement.”

Jensen cringes. “Ouch.”

“Yeah. My mom won’t be able to lift him into the car or up the stairs or anything so I gotta be there.” Marc explains.

“So. Marc.” Jared closes his laptop and narrows his eyes at the kid. “What’s your major?”

“Biology.”

“Hmm. What’re you planning to do with that?”

“Um… I don’t really know yet. Maybe something with the environment…”

“What’s your GPA?” Jared quizzes.

Jensen’s fingers dig into Jared’s shoulders as a warning. “Uh, Jared’s just being a little overbearing. You don’t have to answer that.”

“Yes.” Jared clears his throat and glares back at Jensen. “He does.”

Marc’s eyes grow wide. “No, it’s okay. I don’t mind. I have a 3.8 so far.”

“Hey that’s great.” Jensen slaps Jared on the arm. “Right, Jay?”

“Yeah, I guess that’ll do.”

Megan comes back with their sodas and sits next to Marc. “Everything going okay?”

Marc just smiles, Jensen nods enthusiastically and Jared is still studying Marc too intensely to answer.

“Uh…” Megan seems to have noticed Jared’s death glare. “Well now that you guys met, I think we’re gonna go see a movie. Right, babe?”

“Babe?” Jared deadpans. “Really?”

“Shut up.” Megan hisses.

“Uh yeah. Yeah, let’s go.” Marc gets up from the chair, says goodbye, and practically races to the front door.

“Real good, JT. Real fuckin’ good,” Megan smacks Jared on the head, “Asshole.”

“Hey. I was extremely pleasant.” Jared sneers, rubbing at his head.

Megan sighs and looks at Jensen. “Thanks for tryin’.” She says and turns to leave.

When the front door slams, Jensen rubs Jared’s forehead where Megan hit him. “You coulda been a little nicer.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“C’mere and watch some tv with me.” Jensen starts to pull on Jared’s hand towards the living room.

“What? Are you insane? I have like a million things I need--”

“I know, I know, you’re too busy, I’m too busy. But right now you’re too tense and you need a break.”

Jared takes all of five seconds to think about it and gives in. “What about you? What do you need?”

“Nothing. I just want you, _babe_.” He teases, laughing as Jared chases him to the couch.

They fall easily on the sofa, Jensen cuddling Jared to his chest, his arms wrapped safely around Jared’s waist. They don’t even turn on the television and just end up talking, catching up on the last few weeks before they fall asleep side by side.

**

That Saturday night Jared comes home in his scrubs, his dirty, stinky scrubs actually, after a ten hour shift at the hospital. He’s got vomit, piss, and probably poop on the bottom of his shoes and all he wants to do is sleep. Its nights like these when he totally understands and respects Jensen whoring himself out to sleep because damn, he’d do anything for just a nap right now.

He barely gets his keys in the door before it swings open.

“Hi, Jared!” Megan says happily, way too cheery for his mood right now.

Jared grunts in respond. He grunts again when he notices Megan blocking the doorway with her arm so he can’t get into the house.

“Move.”

“Um… Can I ask you a favor?” She asks sweetly.

“No. Move.”

“Jared, please. Just hear me out okay?”

And Jared knows that voice. He knows that tone like the back of his fucking hand. Well, she’s not getting her way this time.

“Move.”

“Please, please, please, please just listen!” Megan begs. “Marc felt really bad about not taking me to prom so he came over with dinner and flowers and candles! Candles, JT, candles! And he got the music list they were gonna play at prom so we can dance. He wants to dance in the living room with me!”

“Oh for fuck sake.” Jared finally opens his eyes enough so he can see past Megan and into the house, which is dimmed and smells like girly candles. He looks back at the driveway and sees Marc’s car parked in the street. He hadn’t even noticed it when he pulled in.

“So you have to leave for a couple hours. Please? I promise I’ll have it all cleaned up by the time you get home and you can even have the leftovers. Please, Jared?”

“C’mon, Meg. I just want to go shower and go to bed. I won’t even go through the kitchen, okay?”

Megan’s eyes fall. “I just want this one night alone with him. One romantic night. It won’t be the same if I know my big brother is upstairs. I can’t have prom with him. Please just let me have this. Please?”

Jared starts to weaken. “Well what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Just go see a movie or something! I’ll even pay for a ticket.” She says excitedly and starts to go through her pockets.

“Stop. I have money.”

“Does that mean…?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m goin’, I’m goin’.” Jared hauls his backpack from the bench they kept at the front door. “You so fucking owe me for this.”

“I will. I do! I promise!”

“And don’t think I’m gonna leave you all night with this guy. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. You won’t even know when I’ll be home. And I don’t wanna walk in on anything nasty goin’ on.”

“Okay!” Megan whispers. “Just go!”

“And no drinking. And hands stay over the clothes. Not under. Or I seriously will whoop some ass. Don’t think I won’t.” Jared says sternly, pointing his finger.

“I know, I know, no sex. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not kidding, Meg.”

“Jared! I know!”

Thoughts of a chastity belt run through his mind as he makes his way back to the car. He shivers with the thought because it’s just gross.

Jared sits in his car for a minute, thinking about his options of how to kill a few hours. Coffee, he decides, he definitely needs some coffee.

The drive over to the café isn’t that long at all and Jared’s pleased when he spots Jensen’s truck in the parking lot. Just for good measure, and in case Jensen is busy, he grabs a text book he can read before heading in.

Bells jingle above him, announcing his entrance, and there is hardly anyone in the small shop. But hell, the coffee smells absolutely heavenly and Jared’s mouth starts to water as he breathes in deeply.

And then his heart literally falls in his chest as he watches Jensen smile wide, his eyes glittering, and leaning a little too close to a male customer. He’s flirting. And not with just any male customer, not some old fart with a bald spot, no, some hot young guy that should be on the cover of a magazine, not existing in real life and sitting in a damn coffee shop.

He’s fucking flirting. Jensen is flirting. With another guy. And Jared is pissed about it. He shouldn’t be mad. He knows this. He shouldn’t be mad at all but that doesn’t change the fact that He. Is. Pissed.

A second later Jensen notices Jared standing there, just watching him, and Jensen gets a huge smile on his face and walks over.

“Jared! Hey, buddy. I didn’t know you were stopping by tonight. Want some coffee?”

Buddy? Did Jensen just call him a _buddy_?

“Jared?” His smile starts to fade. “You okay, man?”

Jared still doesn’t say anything. He can’t because if he does, he’ll have just get mouth diarrhea and say something that he’ll probably really regret.

“Seriously, Jay.” Jensen slips his hand around Jared’s wrist. “What’s wrong?”

“No… Yeah. I’m okay. I’m just tired. Really tired.” Jared says quickly, finding his words. He pulls his wrist away and shoves his hand in his pocket. “Megan kicked me out of the house for a couple hours because of some date or whatever. So I thought I’d get a coffee but looks like you’re busy so I’ll just probably. Um. Go. Or something.”

Jensen’s eyes crinkle in confusion. “What? I’m not busy. But you do look beat.” He reaches in his apron and pulls out his keys, then takes one off the ring. “Go back to my place and sleep.”

“Dude. No, I can’t do that.”

“Why? You’re dead on your feet. C’mere.” Jensen pushes open the door and steps outside, letting cold air surround Jared’s numb body. When he doesn’t follow, Jensen says slowly, “Come here.”

Jared sighs and gives in.

“You see those buildings right there?” Jensen asks, pointing to the apartment complex right across the street from the coffee shop.

“Yeah.”

“My apartment is number 23 E, the building on the right.” He shoves the key in Jared’s hand. “I get off in like forty minutes and I’ll be right there.”

“Jensen, no. That’d be like weird or something.”

“How would it be weird? I’m over at your place all the time.”

“Yeah, but usually I’m there with you. You’re not alone in my place. I don’t wanna be alone in yours.”

Jensen sighs, slightly frustrated. “Would you just go? I’ll be there in less than an hour. Get some sleep.”

“Fine, fine.” Jared takes the key and starts to head towards his car.

“And Jared?”

“Yeah?”

“Feel free to take a shower too.” Jensen teases, but his nose is crinkled.

Jared curses himself for smelling like total ass.

**

Literally seven minutes later Jared is looking at 23 E.

He’s never even been in Jensen’s place and now here he is. Alone. And he was right, this is weird.

Whatever. He’s tired, he stinks, and now he’s grumpy because Jensen was flirting with some random guy and he’s been banned from going home. It’s been just one awesome day.

The key turns easily and Jared leaves his shoes in the hallway because he’s pretty sure there is shit on the bottom. Quickly, he glances side to side, taking in the small kitchen first, then the narrow hallway until he reaches the tiny living area. He nearly jumps out of his skin when a white fluff ball jumps on the back of the couch. Huh. Jensen was right because Patty does look like a little like a cow. He tries to pet her, but she shies away and he’s too tired to try and make friends right now. Normally, he’d really take a couple more minutes to look around but all Jared wants is a warm shower and possibly Jensen’s bed.

The bathroom looks exactly like his, with an electric razor by the sink, still plugged in and shaving cream on the counter. The water is warm when he slips in the shower and while it feels odd not to be in his own, this is Jensen’s place, his best friend right now. The thought makes him a little more comfortable and he relaxes, letting the steam fill the room and the soap slick against his skin.

Jared stays under the water until he feels good and clean, free of sweat, grim, and dirt. It’s too bad he’s so damn tired because he’d totally get off on using Jensen’s soap if he wasn’t. It’s sad, but very true.

His eyes feel heavy as he gets out of the shower, finds what he thinks is a clean towel, and dries off quickly before wrapping it around his waist.

Jared stumbles into Jensen’s room, not even turning the light on so he can look around first, and drops himself in the middle of the bed, a very comfortable bed. A super, awesome bed that smells like Jensen too and also must have secret magical powers because it pulls Jared to sleep faster than he has ever been able to fall asleep before.

The next thing Jared is actually aware of is the bed dipping and Jensen’s lips pressing warmly onto his shoulder.

“What’re you doin’?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you…”

“But?”

“But you’re in my bed. And you’re practically naked.” Jensen whispers, his mouth moving slowly in patterns to Jared’s ear. “And… oh god, you even smell like me.”

Jared closes his eyes, really lets himself feel Jensen against him. Then he remembers Jensen flirting with that random guy. He tenses and moves away.

Jensen senses the change and lies down. “So my kisses are good enough for your cheeks but not good enough for your back, huh?”

“It’s not that.” Jared turns to face him.

“Then tell me what it’s about.”

“Who was that guy you were talkin’ to when I came in?”

Jensen’s green eyes darken as he thinks. “A guy? Oh you mean Tom? He’s a regular who stops in a couple times a week and the best part? He’s a mechanic. There might be an opening in his garage and he might be able to get me an interview.”

Jared doesn’t say anything, but he searches Jensen’s eyes for anything more, which is ridiculous because it’s not like they’re together. It’s not like they’re boyfriends. It’s not like he wants a boyfriend. It’s not like having a boyfriend would go against his not-getting-attached-to-anyone code.

“Jared? What about him?” The confusion clears from Jensen’s face to understanding. “Don’t tell me you were… Jared, were you jealous?”

“No.” It comes out way too quickly and Jared moans into the pillow.

“You were, weren’t you?” Jensen smiles, finds the whole thing damn amusing. “How can you be jealous if we’re not even together?”

“I know, I know.”

“No, I’m serious.” Now Jensen is smirking. “I try to be with you, try to get with you over and over and you reject me like it’s a fucking game, and then you get jealous when you see me with some other guy? Nice. I shoulda done this awhile ago.”

“Don’t be an ass.” Jared says into the pillow, his voice muffled.

“What was that?”

“I said.” Jared turns to face him again. “Don’t be an ass. And it’s not a fuckin’ game.”

“So then tell me what it is, Jared. What’s going on between us? Because obviously I really like you, like, _really_ like you. And all I get back are these mixed singles, all the time.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Jared sighs sadly. He’s so fucking confused right now, doesn’t know what he wants and if he doesn’t know, how the hell is he supposed to explain it to someone else without sounding like a complete idiot? “You get these little crinkles by your eyes when you smile. Did you know that?” He reaches to caress the smooth skin there and Jensen closes his eyes briefly, and then opens them quickly, the green bright and persistent.

“C’mon, Jare. Give me a straight answer.” He says softly.

“That guy… Tom, whatever. He made you laugh and you got those crinkles. I didn’t like it.” Jared whispers. He leans up on his elbow and presses his lips right at the corner of Jensen’s eye.

“Great, so I’m getting old. I have wrinkles.” Jensen says dryly, attempts to make his voice not crack.

“I wanna be the one to make you smile. I wanna make you laugh. I’m just not sure I have that in me. I’m so afraid of losing you, Jensen.” Jared bites his bottom lip, waits for a response.

“Hey. I’m not goin’ anywhere.” He grabs Jared’s hand and presses it to his chest. “You feel that? I’m right here, alive and breathing.”

“Just… just promise me you won’t leave.”

“Where the hell else am I gonna go? I just wanna be with you, no one else.”

“You didn’t promise.”

Jensen grabs Jared’s chin and gazes into his eyes. “I promise that I won’t leave you.”

“Good.” Jared lets his fingers travel to Jensen’s hair. “Because I wanna be with you too.”

“Does this mean I can finally kiss you now?” The corner of Jensen’s mouth twitches, almost like he’s going to smile, but his eyes have never been more determined.

“Yeah.” Jared’s voice shakes. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jensen’s words are lost on Jared’s skin and their lips slide together in unison. The fact that they’re actually kissing can’t even process in Jared’s brain. He doesn’t even really feel it because Jensen’s mouth is so gentle on his own, but what he does feel are these intense prickles in the pit of his stomach that travel all the way down to his toes. He’s nervous and excited and the emotions have gathered all in the back of his throat, which makes all other necessary sensations cease to exist.

And then suddenly he’s very aware that he only has a towel on, which is currently in the process of sliding down his hips.

He pulls back and whispers, “Shit,” tries to grab at it.

“I got it, don’t worry.” Jensen pushes the towel back in place and keeps his hand there, on Jared’s narrow hip.

“Thanks.” Jared leans towards Jensen again, captures his mouth in a chaste kiss. “I can’t stay long. I should probably go soon.”

“Stay the night.” Jensen immediately responds by running his fingertips up Jared’s naked spine. “I promise we won’t do anything you don’t want to.”

“I wish I could.” Jared kisses him again. “I really wish I could. But I can’t leave Megan home alone with that guy.”

Jensen slides his fingers through Jared’s still wet hair. “Can I come with you then?”

Jared laughs. “I have an early class tomorrow. But I have like…” He turns to look at the clock on the night stand. “I have like, almost an hour before I need to go.”

“I’ll take it.” Jensen says quickly, hugs Jared’s body close to his and practically licks his lips open again.

**  
Things start to change after the kiss. Not in a bad way, but in a different way. It all seems to be more real. Like Jared had been going through life, working his way through the motions, but never paying attention. Now he notices the little things, like the yellow finches that come to the bird feeder outside the kitchen window every morning, or how loud the crickets chirp at night; or how the sky can turn a dusky blue when the sun goes down.

Like the pain he’s been trying so hard to mask is slowly fading away. He’s been working so hard to concentrate only on school or work, keeping his brain busy with everything else besides the reasons his heart is numb. And now Jensen is slowly making the ice melt, thawing Jared’s insides into healthy pieces again.

Until Jeff’s birthday comes up. Megan wants to bring flowers to the gravestone and tell him happy birthday and Jared just can’t do it.

He just can’t.

And he feels terrible because Megan doesn’t want to go alone and Jared doesn’t want her to go alone, but he just can’t do it.

He really, really can’t. He wants to, but he just doesn’t have it in him. And the guilt. The guilt is enough to tear him into pieces.

“But why can’t you?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Jared can’t explain it to Jensen, can’t even explain it to himself. “I’m still just so fucking angry about it, ya know? I’ve spent all this time putting up a guard and now….”

“Now you’d have to let it down?” Jensen guesses. “Then build it up all over again?”

“Yeah… kinda. I know it sounds terrible; sounds fucking selfish too.”

“It’s been months, Jared… you have to let them go.”

“Let them go? I can’t just them go, they’re my family.”

Jensen threads his fingers through Jared’s and holds on tight. “You know I’ll be here when you get home, right?”

Jared stares at their joined hands for awhile before finally heaving himself up in admission, goes to get Megan to drive them to the graveyard. Graveyard. It sounds so final.

Initially Jared was going to stay in the car, but he gets out and goes all the way. Megan brings daisies and they’re actually really pretty, Jared decides. It gives him something to look at while he stands there, ball of emotion tight enough in the back of his throat to sting.

When they get home, Jensen is still there, as promised, and he holds Jared impossibly close to his chest. Makes Jared feel his heartbeat, his lungs expand, feels the life beneath his fingertips.

They go through the next birthday, anniversary, and holiday in exactly the same way and every time Jensen does the same thing until Jared lets him in, but builds the walls that keep the rest of his family safe and sound.

**It’s a few days before prom and Jensen is trying to be quiet during his minor freak out in Jared’s living room. He’s pacing, hands almost ripping his short hair out and Jared would feel just a little sorry for him if the situation wasn’t so ridiculous.

“So you just won’t dance.” Jared says calmly. “Big freakin deal. You’re already doing her a favor. She won’t get pissed.”

Jensen stops pacing long enough to glare. “Are you insane? I already told her that we’d dance. God. What the hell was I thinking? I can’t fucking dance.”

“You’ll be fine. Just shake your hips a little so everyone will be distracted by your hot ass instead of your god awful dancing.”

“Thanks, asshole.”

Jared slams the book he’d been reading shut and gets up from the couch. He turns the radio on to something somewhat slow and makes the volume higher. “Okay.” He opens his arms. “C’mon.”

“What’d you think you’re doin’?”

“Well it looks like you’re gonna keep complaining until we practice so c’mere.” Jared waves for Jensen to stand in front of him.

Jensen sighs heavily and with his head down, walks towards Jared until they’re feet to feet. Jared grabs Jensen’s hands and places one on his hip and the other on his shoulder.

“Gotta relax.” Jared whispers as he wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck and moves in closer. “Just move your feet around and you’ll be fine.”

Jensen slyly slides his hand to Jared’s ass, cups him through his jeans.

Jared promptly moves Jensen’s hand back to his hip. “You better not do that with my sister.”

Jensen just smiles and pushes his fingers through Jared’s hair. “Your lips look mighty fine when you’re dancin’.”

“Oh really?” Jared leans in closer. “Just when I’m dancing, huh?”

Jensen nods, his gaze intense on Jared’s mouth. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Yeah. Think I should take a closer look.”

Their lips brush together softly until Jared presses in harder, licking inside Jensen’s mouth and it’s only then they settle in a comfortable rhythm, eyes closed, tongues curled as they move in small circles across the living room floor.

Megan suddenly clears her throat. “Um… are you guys dancing? Whoa, and making out!”

Jared feels Jensen break the kiss when he smiles. “Yes and yes.”

“Awww. That’s awesome. It’s about time.”

“I think it’s about time you go back upstairs.” Jared looks pointedly to the ceiling.

“No way.” Megan plops herself down on the couch. “This is way too cute to miss.”

Jensen holds Jared’s waist in his arm tight and leans his forehead to Jared’s chin. “We were just practicing for your prom. I’m pretty sure I have two left feet.”

Megan shrugs. “No worries. We don’t have to dance if you don’t want to. You are doing me the biggest favor in the world, ya know?”

“Told you she wouldn’t care.” Jared stabs a finger into Jensen’s side.

Another song starts to play on the radio and Jensen pulls Megan to her feet. “C’mon lil lady, show me what you got.”

Megan laughs as Jared swings her around the room with one arm until Jensen grabs her around the waist and dips her.

They all end up in a pile on the floor, red faced and laughing.

**

“Fuuuck. I told you I shoulda read those damn cheesy romance novels. What the hell do I know about taking a girl to her prom? I’ve never even been on a date with a girl. I’m gonna like, ruin Megan’s night or something and she’ll hate me and I’ll never be able to come over here again and you’ll have to sneak over to my place and then she’ll find out and hate me even more and then you’ll hate me and we’ll break up over something so stupid and… I just apologize in advance if anything goes terribly, terribly wrong, okay?”

Jared turns to laugh in his shoulder, hoping Jensen doesn’t see him. When he composes himself, he tells Jensen to calm down and fixes the bowtie around Jensen’s neck. “It’s not like you’re going on a real date, Jen. It’s all fake, remember?”

Jensen sucks in a deep breath. He’s incredibly warm in his tux and he’s never had to do this before, never had to take a girl out. He’s taken guys out, sure… but this. Tonight is really important and Jensen just doesn’t want to ruin it.

“Hey did you say we’d break up?” Jared asks suddenly, just realizing this. “As in, we’re together?”

“Well duh, we’re together, Jared.”

Jensen’s neck is all red and his palms are really gross and sweaty, but Jared’s never been more attracted to him right now. He looks awesome in his tux, the black pants hugging his tight ass perfectly, and the jacket fits over his broad shoulders just right.

“Well… how do I look?” Megan asks as she steps carefully down the stairs. She’s wearing an emerald green dress, which Jared personally thinks matches Jensen’s eyes, and she looks amazing.

“You look like you’re ready for the red carpet, sis.” He tells her and holds the camera up to capture the moment.

Megan shies away. “Oh lord, don’t take pictures!”

“You’re gonna wanna remember this day when you’re older, trust me.” Jensen says. He walks towards Megan and gives a wolf whistle, looking her up and down. “You’ll be proud, I remembered a corsage.”

“Jensen…” Megan’s eyes light up and she holds out her hand. “You really didn’t have to go through all the trouble.”

Jensen shrugs like it’s no big thing. “Well, you ready to go?”

“Yeah.” She runs to give Jared a kiss on his cheek and he scrunches his nose.

“Gross, now I got glitter all over me.”

Megan laughs. “It won’t hurt you. I’m gonna go grab my purse and then we’ll go.”

Jared feels really underdressed in his old sweatpants and old scrub top with the holes at the side, but when Jensen grabs him around the waist and pulls him close, he couldn’t feel more wanted.

“Thanks again for doin’ this, Jen. You don’t even know…”

“I know.” Jensen nods, kisses Jared sweetly on the lips.

“I’ll be right here when you get home.” Jared says against his mouth, between another kiss. “Try to have some fun.”

Jensen gives a little moan, like he doesn’t want to leave… like he’d rather go to the dentist than a prom right now. “Wish me luck.”

**

Jared had tried to stay awake until they got back, he really did, but eventually sleep and horniness caught up with him around eleven o’clock, as pitiful as it was, and he conveniently jerked off and passed out in his bed.

A short while later he was pleasantly kissed awake.

“Mmm… you taste like fruit punch.” He says sleepily. “How’d it go?”

Jensen only answers him with another wet kiss, deeper this time and swipes his tongue in Jared’s mouth just for a taste.

Jared pulls back and opens his eyes. “That well, huh?”

“Good as it gets.” Jensen slumps next to Jared, clearly exhausted and worn out.

“Where’s Megan?”

“She decided to spend the night at Amanda’s house… or was it Amy… Audrey? Maybe Jessica’s house. I lost track.”

“I thought she hated all the girls she went to school with.”

Jensen yawns. “It’s a really long story.”

“I’m listening.” Jared moves to the end of the bed and takes off Jensen’s shoes and then his socks, flinging them to the floor. He grabs hold of Jensen’s foot and starts to massage the heel, his fingers working in soothing and firm circles.

“So we get there and there’s like, literally fifty thousand eyes on me. The whole room was staring and I asked Megan if it was because I’m five years older than these kids, but she said it was because I was soooo hot, her words not mine, and I could totally pass for nineteen because of my freckles and the reason everyone was staring was because no one expected for her to really show up.”

“You are totally hot.” Jared points out.

“That feels really good.” Jensen sighs as Jared’s fingers travel over his ankle, up his pant leg. “Anyway. So we pose for fucking pictures, which I totally forgot about, and we find a table and I pull out her chair and everything, trying to remember to have manners, and these three girls are just glaring at her the whole time. Seriously, dude. I don’t know how she put up with them for this whole school year.”

Jared doesn’t say anything, he reaches up and unbuckles Jensen’s belt and pulls down the zipper, wiggles the pants until they start to slips down his hips.

When Jensen stops talking and raises his eyebrows, Jared says innocently, “Just getting you ready for bed. Keep goin’.”

Jensen allows for his clothes to come off and puts his hands behind his head once Jared pushes the shirt and tie off as well, leaving him in just boxer briefs. “So then I go to the bathroom and when I come out, Megan is close to tears because one of those bitches, the leader one that everyone seemed to follow, accused her of paying me to take her to prom. But she held her own and told her to fuck off and so of course, I grab her hand and--”

“Ew, dude. Please tell me you didn’t kiss my baby sister.”

“God no, well, just her cheek and then I gave a pretty suggestive look to her little friends and said I couldn’t be bought and that with Megan’s skill, she’ll never need to buy anything… and I don’t even know exactly what that means, but they took it how they wanted and the main bitch stalked off and Megan was all giggly and thanking me and then all the other girls came up and apologized for what the bitch said and that they really wanted to be friends with Megan and were tired of the bitch’s crap.”

“Wow…” Jared spreads himself on top of Jensen and nips at the corner of his mouth. “Sounds like you had an exciting night.”

“So they spent the rest of the dance talking and forgiving each other and so now Megan is at one of their houses so they can catch up.” Jensen yawns again. “I was so bored. I kept texting you, but you didn’t answer. I’m assuming you fell asleep.”

“You assumed right.”

“Well at least that’s over.” Jensen sighs and closes his eyes, the green disappearing under his freckled lids. Jared stares at his face, the five o’clock shadow starting to form over his chiseled cheekbones and sharp jaw. He wants to run his fingers over Jensen’s nose, across his dark eyelashes, but he doesn’t want to startle him either.

Instead, he kisses Jensen’s plump lips, wants to make them obscenely swollen with the press of his mouth. “You too tired for me to touch you?”

Jensen squirms suddenly and Jared feels him grow hard. “Really?”

“Yeah. I jerked off like ten minutes before you got home.” Jared moves to the side, off of Jensen so he can watch the stretch in Jensen’s briefs as his cock grows thick. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“You couldn’t wait till I got here?” Jensen asks with disappointment in his voice.

Jared trails a slow finger along Jensen’s shaft, over the underwear, up and down, pressing harder at the head before teasing all over again. “Nope. Just the thought of you turned me on so damn much.”

“Fuck. If you’re gonna do this, just do it.” Jensen’s struggling not to thrust, but his toes are already curling and his breathing is coming in short pants. “I’m not gonna last long.”

As much as it kills him, Jared doesn’t dip under the elastic. He gives a light squeeze to Jensen’s ball sac and slides his hand up, massaging the hardening sex he finds, griping it tight in his hand and jerking up and down.

Their tongues play, twist and twine in Jared’s mouth until he pushes into Jensen’s, fucks him slow with his mouth, thrusts his tongue in deep until Jensen is moaning around him, writhing uncontrollably and comes hard.

“You just made me come in my fucking underwear. You suck.”

“You want me to?”

“Want you to what?”

“Suck you clean?”

“God.” Jensen almost cringes with the thought. “You’re gonna kill me tonight.”

Jared laughs and reaches over for some tissue. “Clean it up, pretty boy.”

Jensen makes a face and quickly collects his come from his sticky groin.

“You could just go naked.” Jared grins.

“I will if you will.”

Jared’s smile grows even bigger, but Jensen’s already half way asleep so he doesn’t see it. He gets up and turns off the light, and then slowly peals Jensen’s briefs away and then his own.

They kiss and settle next to each other, bare dicks touching for the first time. Jared moves away as a reflex, his cock still sensitive, but a few minutes later he moves back and its warm skin on even warmer skin for the entire night.

**

The house is still quiet when Jared wakes up and Jensen is still passed out to the side of him. His eyes travel down Jensen’s bare back and he moves the sheet away so that perfect ass comes into view.

He can’t not touch.

And even more than the physical aspect, Jared still can’t wrap his head around what Jensen did for his sister last night. His family. It means so fucking much and Jared has no idea how to repay him.

An orgasm might be an awesome start.

Jared straddles the back of Jensen’s thighs, pushes his hands up to Jensen’s shoulders, pulls his fingers slowly down smooth shoulder blades, feels warm skin dotted with sun kissed freckles. He presses harder when Jensen moans, massaging the muscle and skimming his fingers down Jensen’s sides and over the curve of his hips.

With a slap on Jensen’s ass, Jared flops back on the bed. “Mornin’, sunshine.”

“You just ruined a very promising moment.” Jensen mumbles.

“You’re naked. And in my bed.”

“You’re naked too.”

“This is correct.”

Jensen eyes Jared up and down. “We should do activities that require nakedness.”

“S’that so? Got anything in mind, _sugar_?” Jared teases as he moves closer to Jensen and nudges him with his nose.

“Nah, just gonna lay here till you figure it out, _darlin_.” Jensen yawns and slowly moves his knees up on the bed, spreading his legs and ass at the same time. He snuggles into the pillow, arcs up slightly, and waits.

Jared can’t help but to gawk. “You’re very subtle, Jensen. _Jesus_.”

“Did y’say something, sweetheart?” He smiles innocently.

“Fine, two can play at this game.” Jared lies back in the bed with one arm thrown above his head. He sighs deeply and starts to stroke himself with his other hand. It’s no secret that he’s already hard, but now he starts to leak out precome, rubs at it with his thumb and whimpers when he grows solid and thick.

“That’s some fine merchandise you got there.” Jensen’s eyes flick to Jared’s crotch quickly.

“You wanna test drive it?” Jared smirks, makes his long dick stand up straight with one hand and strokes.

Jensen’s voice is husky. “Wanna watch you get yourself off.” He brings his hand up to his mouth and sucks in his middle and ring finger. “Wanna see how I get off, Jare?”

“Fuck. Yeah.”

Jensen thrusts down into the mattress, swivels his hips and reaches back to finger fuck himself. “This is how… god, fuck – this is how I get off… d- _damn_ , almost every night… thinking about you.” His motions grow faster; his wrist pumping and his fingers curving to find that right spot, “Fucking me, inside me, coming all over me.”

“God. Jensen.” Jared hurriedly leans to kiss to him and their mouths meet in wet kisses, their tongues play and their lips become messy with spit. Jared feels his balls tighten against his body and before he can hold off, he comes so fucking hard that he breaks the kiss.

Jensen groans and starts to thrust faster as he watches Jared come.

“Wait. Wait.” Jared moves down on the bed, nudges Jensen’s hip so he’ll turn over and lay on his back. His fingers slip from his ass as Jared repositions him, but he can’t think to get them back in when he feels Jared’s warm mouth against his cock, slurping at the head and sinking down his length.

“Jared. Fuck.” Jensen breathes out. “Feels so good. So, so, s… fuck, I’m gonna come.”

Jared pulls off long enough to say, “Come in my mouth.” And barely has time to get his lips back on Jensen before he does, long and hard down his throat.

They lay there, both panting like they’d just run a marathon, eyes closed and skin sticky with sweat. Jared nuzzles Jensen’s softening cock once more before he kisses the tip and finds his pillow again.

“Damn.” Jensen sighs. “That was freakin’… wow.”

“Mhm.” Jared agrees softly, sliding his foot until his toes touch Jensen’s. “Was it good?”

“Hell yeah it was good.” Jensen closes his eyes and smiles. “Was it for you?”

Jared shrugs. “Doesn’t matter, but yeah.”

Jensen opens his eyes slowly and peers at Jared. “What do you mean that it doesn’t matter?”

“It was just to make you feel good.”

“Huh? I still don’t get it.”

“I owed you.” Jared says simply.

“Owed me?” Jensen asks. “Owe me for what?”

“Takin’ Meg to the prom. Had to make it up to you somehow, right?”

Jensen’s green eyes search the bed in confusion. “Uh, Jared? You deserve to have an orgasm too.”

“Nah, man, just wanted to make you feel good. Like I did last night.”

“You… you gave me a hand job because I took Megan to prom?”

“Well yeah, you did me a huge favor. I had to thank you.”

Heat rises to Jensen’s face as he sits up. “What. The. Fuck!”

Jared is taken aback by Jensen’s outburst and now he’s really confused too. “What? What just happened?”

Laughing sarcastically, Jensen gets out of bed and starts to pull his rumpled clothes on. “What happened? You fucking got me off because you think you owe me? Are you fucking serious with this shit? Please tell me the first time that we actually do something together was not because you thought you had to pay me back. Jared, please tell me I understood you wrong.”

“I… well… I… just thought…”

“Dammit, Jared!” Jensen scrubs his hands down his face and shakes his head. “Tell me you’re joking.”

“Shit, Jensen. What was I supposed to do? Not get you off? Not do anything for you?”

“You coulda said thank you! You coulda kissed me! That woulda been just fine!” Jensen screams hoarsely. “You didn’t have to ruin our first time together, Jared. Fuck.”

“It’s not ruined. I wanted to do it. It’s not like you made me or anything. Not like you asked for it.”

Jensen stands up straight after he finishes slipping on his shoes. “Fine, let me ask you this. Jared, if I hadn’t taken Megan to the prom. If that had never happened, would last night have been the same? Would you have done that or would we have just made out or something?’

The silence is all it takes for Jensen to get his answer. He turns swiftly, not looking back, opens the bedroom door and slams it shut.

Jared chokes back angry tears. “You promised you wouldn’t leave.”

**

The thing about promises, Jared decides, is that they’re too easy to break and too hard to keep. That’s why they are so important.

And Jensen broke his promise.

So technically, this is all Jensen’s fault.

Yep.

Jared can feel his bottom lip quiver for the third time in the last hour.

He is so lying to himself right now. And he feels awful. He’s the one that made Jensen leave. He’s the idiot who basically said he didn’t enjoy the first intimate contact he’d had with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend. Yes, Jensen was definitely his boyfriend, probably ex-boyfriend now.

And Jared is stupid, stupid, stupid. All he can think about is Jensen driving home upset and getting into an accident. Dying just like his family did. This is exactly the reason why he didn’t want to start anything. Because of this gut wrenching feeling right in the pit of his stomach. He doesn’t want to worry about anyone. Doesn’t want to care enough to care.

He has Megan and she’s enough.

So it’s good that he messed up. It’s good that Jensen probably broke up with him and never wants to see him again. It’s good. This all worked out really well.

It’s the best this way. Really, it is.

Jared swallows the lie and reaches for his phone, praying that one of the beeps was a text from Jensen. Please just let him get home okay, Jared thinks desperately. His thoughts frantically turning into horrible death scenes, familiar images of nightmares passing through his brain of his mom and dad and Jeff all bloodied in the car wreck.

God, he can’t handle losing Jensen.

It’ll be better this way and really, it’s almost a relief to not have to worry about Jensen too. Jensen can take care of himself and it won’t matter to Jared if anything happens to him. And Jensen is way better off without him. Jared is damaged goods. Really damaged and Jensen probably wants to have a normal relationship with someone who isn’t so pathetic.

Jared rips the blank stare he’d been holding from his wall to his phone. Please let it be from Jensen.

His heart falls when he sees the text is from Megan, telling him that a bunch of seniors are going to the water park and she’d be home late.

Jared sits and stares for a few more minutes before he gets up, pulls on some briefs, drags himself to the bathroom, takes a piss and washes his face. He stands in the hallway for another few minutes, letting his body adjust to the walls building up inside him, the numbness taking over his emotions so they don’t hurt so badly.

He rubs at his chest, right over his heart. It still aches, but that’s okay. He’ll get over it. Give himself a few days to get Jensen off his mind. It’ll be fine. It’ll be okay.

Taking a deep breath, he goes downstairs to the kitchen. He doesn’t really know why, there’s no way he’d be able to eat right now.

At first, Jared thinks he’s losing it. Thinks he’s seeing a ghost.

“What’re you doin’ here?”

Jensen shrugs, still not able to look up. The daily newspaper is spread open on the kitchen table and there’s a coffee cup sitting on one of Jared’s notebooks. “I dunno. It didn’t seem right to leave. Like… we should probably talk it out or something.”

Jared stares. So Jensen didn’t break his promise. Kept it without even knowing he did.

And now Jared really feels like the biggest ass ever.

“Jensen, there’s nothing to talk about.” Jared says softy and steps closer. “I am so, so, so sorry.”

“For what exactly? If that’s the way you felt… if you felt like you owed me.” Jensen’s jaw tightens. “Then you shouldn’t apologize.”

Jared’s chest constricts and he almost can’t breathe. He wishes more than anything that Jensen would at least look at him. “You’re right… that’s the way I felt, but it was wrong. I shouldn’t have thought that.”

“Why?” He finally looks up; eyebrows raised high and frustration still in his green eyes.

“Because…” Jared starts slowly, “Because you would never expect me to repay you. You’re better than that. I’m so sorry I thought less of you. I’ll never do that again.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything but he relaxes in the chair, his shoulders slouch forward slightly.

“And you gotta know that I enjoyed what we did too. I mean, yeah, I wanted to make you feel good n’all but there’s no way I didn’t like making you… making you come like that.”

Jensen blushes and Jared thinks he’s forgiven. He walks around the table quickly, needing to be close to Jensen and falls to sit in his lap.

“I’m so sorry, Jen.”

“S’okay.” Jensen tucks his arms around Jared and kisses first his bare chest lightly, and then leans up for their lips to slide together. “Promise me though; we won’t do anything you don’t want to do. And I like doing favors for you, Jay. But you can’t just think you need to pay me back with sex.”

“Yeah… yeah, okay.” Jared nods and nuzzles his nose in Jensen’s neck. His body floods with true relief now and he trembles in Jensen’s arms. “You didn’t leave… thank you for not leaving.”

“Didn’t want you to freak out.” Jensen murmurs against Jared’s skin, kisses a slow path from his collarbone to the side of his nipple.

Jared shakes again, presses his eyes tightly closed. “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t.”

It sounds like another promise.

**

After that, everything gets a little hectic. In the next two weeks Megan has graduation coming up and Jared has finals. Jensen quit his job at the coffee shop and started as a mechanic at a garage, which just cleaned house because the former mechanics were stealing money from the register, which meant that they offered Jensen to work double time, which also meant that he had to work twelve hours shifts.

But the money is really good so Jensen is dealing with it the best he can and Jared… well, Jared is trying to write papers, study for finals, and even though he cut back on hours at the hospital, he still felt obligated to go for a few shifts a week.

Tonight Jared’s finishing up another ten page paper for his advanced zoology class and he’s missing Jensen like crazy. So much that there’s an ache in his chest but all he can do is push it down and ignore it until they’ll have a chance to see each other again.

His fingers are sore from typing and his lower back is killing him from being hunched over the damn computer all day, so when Jared’s phone rings and he sees that it’s Jensen, he stops for a much needed break.

“Hello?”

“I miss you so much.”

Jared sighs deeply and closes his eyes, gets up from his chair to stretch his legs. “I know. I miss you too.”

“You don’t understand.” Jensen’s voice is filled with desperation. “I like really, really miss you. Like… really.”

“Trust me. I know what you mean.” Jared rubs his hand over his face. He needs to wake himself up if he’s gonna make it a few more hours until this paper is finished. “Hey, how was your day today? Is _Tom_ still your new best friend?”

Jared can practically hear Jensen roll his eyes through the phone. “Jay, he got transferred to the garage downtown. I don’t even work with him.”

“Really?” Jared’s mood lifts considerably. “Good. Is it still rough bein the new guy though?”

“Nah, there’s like five of us newbies and they’re really cool. I think the owner is just happy cuz he knows we won’t steal from his shop.” Jensen says through a yawn. “How was your day?”

“Eh, good I guess. Just finishing up that paper.”

Jared hears Jensen’s truck start in the background. “I’m just leaving the garage now and I know you’re busy but… can I come over? Please?”

“Jen…”

“I promise you won’t even know I’m there. I’ll be quiet as a mouse. And then when you’re done we can at least sleep together...” Jensen says in a rush. “No, I mean not sleep, sleep together just… ya know, sleep together. I just wanna be near you, man. I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s true and I just miss you so mu--”

“Jensen!” Jared laughs and he has to admit that Jensen’s little ramble gave him a good second wind.

“Yeah?”

“Can you get me some coffee on your way over?”

“You got it.” Jensen says cheerfully. “Need anything else? Some dinner or anything?”

“Nope. Just you.” Jared tells him softly.

Fifteen minutes later Jared hears the front door open and footsteps down the hall. Jensen pokes his head around the corner wearing a huge smile and some glasses that Jared’s never seen before. As he comes into view, Jared also notices Jensen’s hands are still smudged with black grease and oh god, he has a full gray jumpsuit on with a red rag hanging from the back pocket.

“Wow.” Jared looks him up and down. “Is that your uniform?”

“Yeah, I forgot to take it off. I was kinda distracted talkin to you on the phone.” Jensen pulls the coffee from behind his back like it was supposed to be a surprise. “Here ya go, got you the largest one they had.”

“Mmm. Thank you.” Jared takes it and is about to take a sip when he stops short, grabs at Jensen’s collar and pulls him down for a kiss. “Gotta gimmie something sweet first.” He murmurs into Jensen’s lips, kisses him until their mouths open and tongues slick together.

“God damn, I missed you. I haven’t seen you in forever.” Jensen pulls back and gives a small nip to Jared’s earlobe. Presses small kisses down Jared’s neck and back up again slowly until he reaches his mouth again. Another deep kiss and they’re both breathless when Jensen finally pulls back. “Sorry… I’m just gonna…” He points to the chair, but then bends to steal another kiss.

Jared immediately parts his lips again and gives a soft moan.

“Okay, okay. We have to stop.” Jensen zips out of his overalls and out comes a tight blue t-shirt and jeans that hang off his hips, ripped to shreds at the knees.

Jared almost spits out his coffee. Instead he burns his tongue, which Jensen of course, kisses better and before they know it, an hour has gone by.

“You.” Jared points to the living room. “Go in there and watch tv. Seriously, I have to finish and then we can go to bed.”

“’Kay.” Jensen lingers for a minute more before Jared points again, more sternly this time.

Jared has a huge freakin’ grin on his face when he turns back to the computer. He rereads his paper carefully and thoroughly a couple times before he’s satisfied. Having Jensen in the next room is awesome inspiration to do it right the first time.

Jensen ends up falling asleep on the couch. It is way past midnight so Jared can’t blame him at all. He kisses him awake though, nibbles on his bottom lip until Jensen’s green eyes open lazily in bright slits that Jared can only describe as adorable.

“Hey.” Jensen swallows, gets his bearings. “You finished with your paper?”

“Yeah. You wanna go to bed? Sleep here?”

“No. No, let’s go to your room.”

Jared grabs Jensen’s hand, helps him off the couch and up the stairs. They undress, throwing shirts and pants across the floor until they get into bed just in briefs. As soon as the sheets are over their bodies, they move towards each other until Jensen’s back is to Jared’s chest and they’re spooning happily.

“Wish I could make you come,” Jared mumbles. “But I am so fucking tired.”

“’S’okay.” Jensen wraps their fingers together. “You gonna be able to sleep even though you had all that coffee?”

Jared answers with a soft snore.

A few hours later, in the dead of night, Jared jerks awake. He has no idea why, but his heart is pounding, feels like it’ll beat right out of his chest if he doesn’t calm himself. Deep breaths are taken through his nose as he settles back down. Jensen is still right next to him, looking peaceful as ever.

God, that was almost scary. Jared has no idea what brought that on. Maybe he had a nightmare or something that he doesn’t remember. He hasn’t had a nightmare in awhile though, ever since he and Jensen became so close. Fuck. His mouth is dry and muscles tense. Maybe it’s the stress he’s been under. He finished his paper, he’ll study for his test tomorrow, has got plenty of time. Jensen is right here and Megan… shit, where the hell is Megan? The last time he’d talk to her she was heading off to work and that was early this evening.

She hadn’t come home.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Jared flips the blankets off and flies out of bed.

“Jared? You okay? Where’re you goin’?”

Jared doesn’t say anything; he can’t because his throat feels like it’s closed up. He barges down the hallway to Megan’s room. The door is open and he pushes it further until he can see her bed.

She’s not there.

“Fuck!”

“Jay? What’s wrong?” Jensen stands in the hallway with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks cold and Jared really wants to tell him to put on some socks or something but he rushes back into his room and searches for his phone instead.

“Megan’s not home. She always comes home after work! I just. I need to call her to make sure she’s alright. FUCK!”

Jensen’s at his side in an instant. “Shit, Jay. I’m so sorry. Just hold on a sec…”

“No! I don’t know where my sister is! She could be… _fuck_!”

“Wait, Jared!” Jensen grabs his arms and holds on tight. “I was supposed to tell you she’s going over to Erin’s tonight. She told me when I went to get coffee and I was supposed to tell you. I can’t believe I forgot. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Jared stares with his eyes wide and slumps on the floor. “What? Really?”

“Yeah, man. Marc went to Florida again and Erin didn’t want to spend the night alone in the apartment so they’re having a slumber party or something girly like that. They were all excited when I went in for the coffee and I was supposed to tell you. I _told_ her I’d tell you. And then we started kissing and I guess… I forgot.” Jensen bites his bottom lip, waits to see if Jared will take his apology.

Jared can feel his heart starting to beat slower. He closes his eyes and steadies his breathing. “I left my phone by my computer. Can you get it for me? I just need it next to me while I sleep.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Jensen’s up in a flash and practically runs downstairs.

Jared takes the moment alone to get himself under control. He slowly gets up off the floor and sits down on the bed.

Megan’s fine. She’s fine. Jensen’s fine. The two people he has left in the world are fine.

Everything’s okay.

Fucking hell though. That was so not cool.

The bed dips and Jensen hands him first his phone and then a glass of ice water.

“Thanks.” Jared takes a sip while he checks for a text. And there it is, Megan saying that her and Erin made it to her place okay and she’ll see him in the morning. “She knows I freak out.” Jared shuts his phone and places it on the nightstand.

“I’m sorry.” Jensen says again, reaches out slowly to smooth Jared’s hair from his eyes.

“It’s okay. Jen, it’s okay.”

“Really?”

“’S’not like you forgot on purpose. It happens. Not your fault. Let’s just go back to bed.”

They get back under the covers and Jared snuggles right up to Jensen’s chest, listens to his heart beat in a steady rhythm. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s shoulders tightly, like he never wants to let go.

“I just can’t believe I went to bed.” Jared whispers after a few minutes of silence. “That I fell asleep not knowing where she was.”

Jensen’s quiet and then, “Don’t you think that’s a good thing? I mean… she might get her own place soon. You won’t know where she is every night. You’ll have to let her go sooner or later.”

Jared just breathes against Jensen’s skin, knowing that he’ll never understand. “She’s all I have, Jen. It’s not that easy.”

“You have me too.” He replies.

Jared nudges up and their lips meet in a brief kiss. “Yeah, I do. I’m sorry I went all crazy like that.”

“Shhh,” Jensen hushes and pulls Jared as close as he can possibly get.

**

“All I can say is thank _God_ this month is almost over!” Megan raises her lemonade and clinks it with all the glasses around her.

“No joke. I’m exhausted.” Jared yawns and lifts his beer.

“Your last final was like, three days ago and all you’ve been doing is sleeping. You’re just happy cuz it’s your birthday next month.” Megan rolls her eyes. “Hey where’s Jensen? I thought he was meeting us here.”

“I dunno, guess he’s running late…”

“Boo.”

Jared smiles and turns. “Speaking of the devil.”

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late.” Jensen nods to Megan, Erin, and Marc. He gives Jared a small kiss on the lips.

“Awwww, that’s so cute.” Erin squeals.

“It’s disgusting, really.” Megan says with no heat and Marc just smiles, squeezes Megan’s hand over the table.

“We’re having beer?” Jensen eyes the bottle in Jared’s hand.

“Hells yeah. Megan’s all graduated. I turned in my last paper. And you…” Jared moves to wrap his arm around Jensen’s shoulder, “Are working normal shifts. It’s time to celebrate.”

The restaurant is buzzing around them and the waitress takes their order. Jensen and Jared scrunch their noses when Erin orders a veggie burger and when Marc orders a steak, Jared nods his approval.

“So Megster. How does it feel to have high school done and over with?” Jensen asks, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“Kinda scary, honestly, but kinda great too. I mean, most of my senior year was hell so I’m just glad it’s over. I wish mom and dad and Jeff were here. But I’m so freakin’ happy all of you are.” Her eyes start to water a little and she laughs at herself.

Erin clears her throat. “So what’re you planning to do now? Have you heard anything back from any colleges?”

Jared perks up because Megan’s been pretty quiet about what she wanted to do after high school. Every time he has tried to bring it up, she would always change the subject or avoid his questions all together.

“Um. Well I didn’t really send any in.”

“What?” Jared chokes around his hamburger. “Meg, what’d y’mean you didn’t send any applications in?”

“I just…” She shrugs, looks a little embarrassed. “It was a really hard year, JT. I couldn’t focus. My mind wasn’t in the right place.”

“Maybe we should talk about this at home.”

“No, it’s fine. I think I’m just gonna work at the coffee shop this summer until you figure out if you’re going back to the states or not. I know you moved here just so I wouldn’t have to leave my last year… and now that’s over.”

“Oh.”

“And then I’ll just go to a community college or something when we have it figured out. I’m not too worried about it.”

“You’ll go where I’ll go?” Jared asks, feeling the weight of Jensen’s gaze.

“Well duh. I’m hoping we’ll stay around here for awhile though.”

Jared sneaks a glance at Marc, expecting him to be kind of upset at Megan for admitting that she’d leave him if Jared decided to move. But all he sees are understanding eyes. They’re a little sad, but obviously Megan’s had the same speech with him that Jared had given Jensen. They’re the only family they have left. They have to stick together. Jared looks at Jensen and all he sees are hopeful eyes. He squeezes Jensen’s shoulder and says, “Yeah, I’m thinking we’ll stick around for awhile too.”

They’re all having an awesome time after that, telling stories that has everyone cracking up, when Megan and then Erin’s smiles suddenly fade. Their gaze is over Jared and Jensen’s shoulders so Jared turns around to look. He feels Jensen tense next to him and gets a pit in his stomach, which definitely isn’t from only two beers.

“Well, well, well. Lookie what we have here, the gang from the damn coffee shop.” A deep voice slurs towards them.

“What the hell? Who is this guy?” Jared asks but the girls are struck with eyes wide.

The guy bends down and gets right in Jensen’s face and Jared can smell the alcohol from there.

“You know you almost broke my nose? Fuckin’ asshole. I should punch you right in the mouth for that. Break your _teeth_.”

It hits Jared that this guy is the drunk dude who scared the shit out of the girls that night at work a couple months ago, who Jensen hit before they called the cops.

Jensen shakes his shoulders and cracks his neck like he’s getting ready for a fight. “Want me to really break your nose this time? Because I’m pretty sure that won’t be a problem.”

“Oh. You wanna go? Think you can take me again, pretty boy?” The guy starts to roll up his sleeves and hops up and down on his feet.

Jensen locks his jaw and Marc is cracking his knuckles on the other side of the table, ready to go.

Jared calmly unfolds himself from the chair and stands up slowly and straight, to his full height, towering over the guy at least by a couple of inches. “Hey dude, I don’t know what your problem is, man, but I’m trying to enjoy a meal with my family here. Do yourself a favor and leave now. Don’t come near these girls again. And if I ever hear of you stepping into that coffee shop again?” He takes a step closer and looks down. “I’ll fucking hunt you down and your nose won’t be the only thing broken.”

The guy opens his mouth like he’s going to retort, but quickly changes his mind when he sees Jensen and Marc ready to stand up as well and he meets Jared’s narrow eyes again. The guy closes his mouth and turns to leave, stumbling to get away fast.

Jared flushes and sits back down. “M’sorry.” He leans to whisper in Jensen’s ear. “I didn’t mean to get in the middle of it… don’t know what came over me.”

Jensen grabs Jared’s hand under the table and presses it against his erection. Jared coughs in surprise and quickly drinks some more beer.

“Check, please!” Jensen says when the waitress comes by.

Jared almost cries when Megan invites Erin and Marc back to their place, but then he remembers that Jensen has an empty apartment with a huge bed as equally comfortable as his.

When the waitress comes by with the check, she also brings over a slice of free chocolate cake and says, “Hey thanks for saying whatever you did to that guy who just left. I’ve been trying to get rid of him for the last hour.” She winks and rushes away with their empty plates and while Jared is never one to give up free cake, he has to be alone and naked with Jensen in the next five minutes or his dick will burst.

Jensen takes Jared’s fork and cuts a big piece of cake, brings it to his mouth and moans.

“Hey! That’s mine.” Jared gasps, horrified, and Jensen reaches over for him to finish what’s left on the fork. “Oh damn, that’s good chocolate.”

“And here, the rest is all yours.” Jensen scoots the cake to the middle of the table and grabs his jacket. “Jared and I have to get goin so we’ll catch ya’ll later.”

Luckily, the girls are distracted by the chocolate and Marc smirks a little too knowingly, but Jared doesn’t care and grabs Jensen’s ass on the way out of the restaurant.

Somehow they manage to calm themselves down during the car ride back to Jensen’s place and Jared goes to the bathroom to take a piss, then strips all the way down and walks back into Jensen’s bedroom half hard and very, very naked.

“Hey you want another beer or some… thing… wow, you should always be naked. Always. And there should be a law against you wearing clothes because you are the finest guy I have ever seen. Ever.” Jensen begins to unbutton his plaid shirt and then his jeans, shucking off both once the clothes are loose enough.

“Guess you don’t look in the mirror much then, huh?” Jared smiles and gets comfortable on the bed, stretches out and watches as Jensen gets naked as well. “And damn, do you have one sweet ass.”

“You an ass guy, Jared?” Jensen asks, slowly turning around. He bends slowly to toe off his socks, his ass in perfect view.

“God, yeah. Your ass is like a fuckin peach.” Jared’s eyes don’t leave Jensen’s backside. “C’mere. Lemmie get a taste.”

Jensen stands by the bed and spreads his legs slightly. He bends just a little so he can place his hands on the opposite wall for support. Jared smoothes his fingers over the curve of Jensen’s hip, thumbs opening those perfect globes, the flesh a good handful as Jared grabs at Jensen’s ass. He licks his lips and begins a trail of kisses down the small of Jensen’s back to his crease, dipping in lower until he reaches what he’s been craving for.

Jensen. Just purely Jensen.

Jared’s mouth is hot between Jensen’s open legs, tongue swiping in little licks and small thrashes until all of his sensitive ridges are soaked with Jared’s salvia and slick to the touch. Jared points his tongue and pushes in hard and straight as Jensen’s ass become looser and relaxed, his whole body becoming more comfortable and he arches his back even more, pushing himself further into Jared’s hungry mouth. Spearing his tongue and driving it into Jensen with long strokes, Jared twists and tugs and curls as he pulls out slowly, then plunges in again.

“Fuck, Jen… I could eat you for days. Love this ass.”

Jensen moans incoherent words as Jared kisses around the rim again. He reaches around to pump at Jensen’s leaking cock that’s so incredibly hard. Jensen cries out Jared’s name as he spills his seed over Jared’s knuckles, while his hole softly winks in contractions as the orgasm takes over Jensen’s body in waves of pleasurable trembles. His legs shake as he struggles to keep standing but Jared suddenly gets to his feet, pushes his dick between Jensen’s ass cheeks and comes just as hard.

“Oh my god.” Jared breathes out, watches as his come slowly trickles down Jensen’s ass and he rubs some of it against Jensen’s hole, now slick and shiny. He can’t not taste it. The mixture of Jensen’s flavor and his combined into one… his heart beats faster as he licks at Jensen’s asshole once more, flicking his tongue inside. When Jared can’t taste his come anymore, he pushes more in Jensen’s entrance, rubs it around again and then goes back with his tongue.

“Jay… my legs are gonna give out, man.”

“Can’t help it.” Jared says, his voice muffled by Jensen’s skin. He pushes is tongue in once more, long and deep, twirls it and then pulls out. Plants soft kisses to Jensen’s ass before he finally moves to the side, letting Jensen on the bed.

“You made me hard again. And I can’t move.” Jensen sighs deeply after he collapses. He stretches his arms up over his head and yawns loudly after his limbs go limp.

“Mmm, your taste is incredible.” Jared’s still not done and runs his tongue along Jensen’s armpit, nuzzling his nose right in the stiff soft hair, breathing in his musky scent and spicy deodorant as he settles beside him. “So fuckin sexy. You have no idea.”

“You were fucking sexy at the restaurant.” Jensen says softly. “I didn’t know you had that in you.”

“I can be a prick when I have to be.”

“Obviously.” Jensen reaches down to stroke the inside of Jared’s thigh. His fingertips run up and down the long expansion of skin and Jared shivers at the touch. “So. You’ll be staying in Canada then… for awhile?”

“Yeah.” Jared leans up to kiss him. “For awhile.” Their lips press together gently.

Jensen breathes in deeply again and lets his eyes flutter close, eyelashes dark and fanned against pale freckled skin. “Good.”

And it is good, Jared thinks. Because he might just be falling in love.

**A few weeks later Jared stares at the alarm clock by Jensen’s bed. He watches as the time changes to 11:59pm to 12:00 am.

“Well. I’m another year older.” He sighs sadly, hugs the pillow and snuggles in closely.

“Want me to sing happy birthday to you?” Jensen asks, smiling into Jared’s back as he moves to lie on top of him, gives a soft kiss on his sleep warm golden tan skin.

Jared shrugs under Jensen’s weight. “Don’t care.”

“Awww, baby. Don’t be like that.”

“Shut up.” Jared grumbles. “I’m an old man.”

“I thought you were excited about your birthday coming up. What happened?”

Jared turns under Jensen’s body until Jensen lays flat on top of him. “I was excited. This is the first year I actually have a boyfriend on my birth… day. Oops.”

Jensen smirks at the word. “Boyfriend, huh?”

“Is that okay?”

“’Course it is, _boyfriend_.” Jensen teases, testing the word out.

Jared leans up to kiss him. “Hi, boyfriend.”

“Hi, boyfriend.”

“We’re kinda idiots.” Jared laughs, blushes and shakes his head in amusement.

“Who cares? There’s no one here except you and me. I like being an idiot with you.”

Jared wraps his long arms around Jensen’s neck. “As long as it’s in private, right?”

“Well I do have an image to maintain.”

“My boyfriend is soooo hot.” Jared mocks, giggles like a girl when Jensen twists his nipple. “Ow! Dude, you can’t give me a nipple twister on my birthday.”

Jensen dips his mouth to Jared’s ear and whispers dirty, “So what can I give you on your birthday?”

“Kisses would be a nice start.”

“Where’d you want ‘em?”

Jared smiles and points to his mouth. “Just right here. For now.”

Jensen slides up, captures Jared’s jaw and slowly kisses his mouth open. “There’s one.”

“How many do I get?”

“It’s your twenty third birthday so you get twenty three.” Jensen says simply as he threads his fingers through Jared’s hair, yanks a little and kisses him deeply again. “There’s two.”

“Mmm. Nice.” Jared tilts his head and thrusts his tongue in Jensen’s mouth, licking inside sweetly.

“There’s three.” Jensen pulls back, moans as he nibbles on Jared’s bottom lip and sucks it into his mouth. “Four.”

“God.” Jared murmurs. Jensen nods in agreement, the kisses turning him on too. He licks his lips, tasting the hint of Jared’s flavor and presses his full mouth on Jared’s in soft pumps, wanting more.

“Five.” He whispers, and that’s all they get to because the next kiss is too deep to pull away. Jensen gasps into Jared’s mouth and they squirm and writhe against each other until both are panting, restless and coming all over each other’s stomachs in a few short minutes.

Jared squeezes his eyes shut, moans out Jensen’s name as he comes and collapses back onto the mattress when it’s over. “Best. Boyfriend. Ever.”

Chuckling under his breath, Jensen grabs some tissue and cleans them off. “You need to get some sleep, birthday boy. I have big plans for you tomorrow.”

“Plans? Really?” Jared frowns. “I was hoping we could just stay in bed all day. That’d be freakin’ perfect.”

Jensen kisses him on top of the head. “If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do. I was just gonna take you out to dinner anyway.”

Jared laughs. “Sorry to break those big plans of yours.”

“Hey man, you don’t know where I was gonna take you so quit your bitchin’.”

“You don’t have to go through all the trouble, Jen, really. You’re all I need.”

Jensen looks playfully doubtful. “Says the guy who has been reminding me all week his birthday is today.”

“Okay and a blow job wouldn’t hurt either.”

“Mhm.” Jensen smirks. “That’s what I thought. I did want you to come out n’meet the guys from work though. Have a beer. Maybe listen to this band they’re always talkin’ about. I think it’s at a bar called the Underground or something…”

Jared runs his fingertips along Jensen’s chest, rubbing quickly over a nipple. “You think we could stay in instead? You don’t mind?”

Jensen shrugs. “I don’t mind. But you are gonna have to meet other people eventually, Jay. Talk to people besides me and Megan. These guys at work are really cool. I think you’ll like ‘em.”

“I know, I know…I just…” Jared pulls away and tucks his arm to his side. “I just freak out about you and Megan, hell even Erin and Marc now, getting into a car accident. I don’t wanna meet other people, become friends, and then have to worry about them too. It’s stupid. I know.”

Jensen pulls Jared’s arm back and slides a warm hand over his waist. “You’re gonna make yourself sick if you keep worrying all the time.”

“I worry most about you.” Jared says softly. “And Megan. I don’t want anyone else impacting my life if they were to leave.”

“Everything happens for a reason, Jay. You can’t help that.”

“You think there was a good reason for my parents to go, Jen? For my big brother to die?” Jared doesn’t say it out of hurt or anger, but wanting an honest answer, hoping to make Jensen understand.

“No.” Jensen shakes his head, his eyes shifting down sadly. “No. You’re right. There was no reason for that. I woulda never met you though if you hadn’t stayed in Canada. I can’t imagine not being here with you right now.”

Jared kisses over the map of freckles across his cheeks. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared as tight as he can, not knowing how to fix a broken soul.

**

The next day is spent in bed, just as Jensen promised. Megan’s a little hurt that Jared won’t be home for his birthday, but she’s also kinda stoked that she gets the house to herself so she doesn’t bitch too much. She does tell Jared that she’ll take him out to dinner when they’re both free and she’ll even pay for an ice cream cone after.

“Dude, I hope she’s on birth control or something.”

“What?” Jensen laughs as he brings in grocery bags. He’s planning to cook a super good meal and by the looks of it, steak is on the menu.

“I think I heard Marc talking in the background.” Jared clicks off his phone and puts it on the kitchen counter. He hops up to sit on it and peers inside the bags full of goodness.

Jensen slaps wandering hands away. “Maybe you should ask her.”

“Uh yeah, that’d be the most awkward conversation ever and I’d rather not have it with my little sister.”

“I dunno, man. I’d rather be awkward for a few minutes than be an uncle so soon.” Jensen says as he puts the veggies in the fridge. “I’m just sayin’.”

Jared stretches and rolls his head back. He doesn’t want to think about his sister right now. “So did you get me a cake?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Jensen says wryly. He stares at Jared sitting on his kitchen counter in only briefs. His chest is huge and his arms are even bigger. Jensen tries not to drool.

“Duuuude. You can’t be a snarky ass on my birthday.”

“You’re the one askin’ questions that I can’t answer.” Jensen moves to stand between Jared’s open legs. He grasps around Jared’s narrow waist and squeezes. “You’ll find out later tonight.”

“Mmph.” Jared huffs, but still reaches for a kiss that Jensen meets for as well. “You’re so mean to me.”

“Yeah.” Jensen smiles against his lips. “I’m so terrible.”

They lock tongues and moan as Jensen wraps his hand around Jared’s growing erection. They continue to kiss as he brings Jared to full hardness and Jensen services him right there on the counter humming happy birthday with Jared’s cock down his throat.

A couple hours later into early evening and another orgasm by just Jensen’s persistent fingers up his ass, Jared is still lounging in his underwear playing x-box games in the living room after he was banished from the kitchen.

This is the most relaxed and content he has been in a long time. He has a super hot, sweet as hell boyfriend cooking him a special dinner. Honestly, Jared can’t think about it for too long because he’ll get choked up and then really end up looking like a pussy. He doesn’t know what he did so right to deserve this and in a way he thinks that maybe… maybe this is life making up for taking his family away. Nothing will ever compare to having his mom and dad and Jeff still be here, but if Jensen hadn’t come along when he did… he doesn’t know where he’d be right now. Probably on anti depression drugs and sitting lonely in the house. That chunk of his heart will never be replaced but Jensen sure does help ease the pain.

“Hey.” Jensen suddenly whispers in his ear. “You ready to eat?”

“M’always ready to eat.” Jared replies, pressing a kiss to Jensen’s cheek.

“C’mon then.”

Jared gets up and hesitates. “Um. Let me go put on some clothes.”

“What? Why?” Jensen stares openly. “Why would you ever say that?”

“Because.” Jared laughs, scratches his stomach. “It’s rude to go to the dinner table in my underwear.”

“Not at my house.” Jensen says. “It’s required that you always eat meals in just briefs. Sorry, Jare, my place, my rules.”

Jared rolls his eyes and grins. He grabs Jensen in a bear hug and nuzzles his neck. “Thank you for this.”

“Don’t thank me yet.” Jensen pats Jared on the chest. “Still gotta feed you.”

They walk into the small dining area adjacent to the kitchen that Jensen had decorated with a few candles. “I just had ‘em lying around anyway.” He shrugs, blushing a little.

Jared thinks it’s pretty much the cutest thing ever and while he really appreciates Jensen trying to be romantic, the half burnt down, kinda already gross, candles is the extent of it.

There’s steak and potatoes, salad and steamed vegetables, beer and bread and Jared couldn’t ask for anything more. It’s all delicious and Jared moans and groans around his food all while Jensen squirms in his seat. Finally Jensen tells him to stop and Jared breaks out laughing.

“No seriously, this is awesome.” Jared leans back in his chair feeling plenty sated.

“Wait till you see what I got for dessert.”

“Let’s wait awhile or you’re gonna have to roll me outta here.”

Jensen nods and begins to clear the table, tells Jared to sit his ass down when he tries to help. “Jen. I haven’t had to lift a finger all day. I think I can help you with the dishes.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything, just slaps Jared on the ass playfully. Once the kitchen is cleaned and after they watch the newest Will Smith movie, Jensen drags Jared to the bedroom.

“Wanna take a shower first?” Jared asks. “I’m feelin’ kinda rank.”

Jensen leans in and breathes deeply, pressing his nose right against Jared’s shoulder. “Nah. You smell fine.” He gives a quick kiss to his neck. “Taste even better. And you’ll definitely need to shower after I’m through with you.”

Jared flops down on the bed, wiggles until he gets comfortable and waits expectedly.

“Be right back.” Jensen laughs and slips off his t-shirt and sweats before leaving the room.

He didn’t think it’d be possible, but Jared is hungry again and all for Jensen’s body. He’s hard already and he spreads his legs open, hoping that Jensen plays with his ass a little more with those incredible fingers of his.

“Close your eyes.” Jensen peeks in the room and waits until Jared’s eyes fall shut.

The bed dips and Jared stays still until he feels Jensen right next to him, then he reaches for smooth skin.

“Ah. No touching.” Jensen scolds, scoots away and trails a path of kisses down Jared’s chest as he slowly removes his briefs. “And keep your eyes closed.”

Jared hears it before he feels the coldness on his skin. He’d know that sound anywhere, the air compression of a whipped cream can. He moans at the thought of Jensen spreading it all over his body, first at his nipples, around his belly button and then down his shaft.

“God. Jensen.”

“Happy birthday.” Jensen breathes out and presses something chilled against Jared’s mouth. “Open.”

Jared sucks in the strawberry and then Jensen’s finger with a scoop of whipped cream following the sweet fruit. “So good.”

“Yeah?” Jensen licks at the cream on Jared’s nipple and reaches up to give him a kiss, feeding more of the whipped cream to Jared with his tongue. There’re more kisses, more licking, more strawberries in between until Jared’s naked again with only smears of sticky white all over, and Jensen’s fingers are thrusting deep in his ass, his cock buried between Jensen’s lips.

“Oh. Fuck. God, yes, yes… yes.” Jared whimpers, eyes tightly closed as he pants obscenities, grips Jensen’s short hair tightly. “I’m gonna come, gonna, gonna… oh, I. I’m gonna come.”

Jensen greedily licks up Jared’s cream in favor of the whipped and kisses him again, this time salty flavor in his mouth instead of sweet.

“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had.” Jared says slowly, his words almost slurred from the intensity of his orgasm.

Jensen grabs the whipped cream can again and presses some more out. He dabs it on Jared’s nose and smiles. “You lie.”

“I never lie when there’s whipped cream on my nose.” Jared says honestly, his expression completely serious.

Jensen grins until it reaches his eyes. Jared’s lungs literally tighten at the sight and he wants to always, always be able to make Jensen smile like that. He’ll do whatever it takes.

**

The front door slams shut and Jared’s finger flies to cover Jensen’s mouth, his eyes wide as they hear footsteps up the stairs and then the bedroom door close down the hallway.

It had been a long day with Jared almost losing this incredibly cute golden lab at the hospital during surgery and one of the guys calling out at the garage so Jensen had double the work load.

They’re tired, giddy from lack of sleep and also they might be a little buzzed from a few beers.

“Shh! Jen! Megan will hear you.” Jared hiccups. “We gotta keep it down.”

“She knows we sleep together, Jay. It’s not gonna scar her for life.”

“I’d be if I heard her and Marc getting’ it on.”

“Yeah…” Jensen thinks about it. “Yeah, that is kinda gross.” Then his eyes get that sexy shade of green that Jared can’t resist. “So you think you’re gonna get lucky tonight, huh Padalecki?”

Jared nods enthusiastically. “Uh huh. But it’ll have to be quiet sex.”

“Damn. I don’t know if I can handle that.”

Jared presses his body into Jensen’s and smirks. “Mmm.” He breathes out slowly. “I could always make you.”

“Should I be scared?”

“Shakin in your boots.”

“Not wearin any boots.” Jensen gasps as Jared’s hand travels down his chest, past his stomach and right to his balls.

Jared had been splayed over Jensen for the past hour now, having a stupid conversation in between making out with his super-cute-boyfriend, as Jared has been calling Jensen lately. Needless to say, Jensen was not amused by the new nickname.

But right now Jared is kissing Jensen lazily as he plays with his balls, and then lifts his hand out from his shorts.

“Jen?”

“Hmm?”

“How are your eyes so fucking green?”

“How drunk are you?” Jensen asks, raises one eyebrow. Maybe he blushes a little but that could be the beer.

Jared shrugs, rests his chin to the side of Jensen’s collarbone and peers at him with a smile.

“You’re too cute.”

“Thought you were the super-cute-boyfriend.”

“God.” This time Jensen actually does blush. “Let’s never act this way in public, ‘kay? I think I’d rather kill myself.”

“Fine with me.” Jared shifts to kiss him. “We’ll just stay in bed forever. I’ll die a happy man.”

Jensen’s fingertips graze along Jared’s back in trails, up and down, down and up. “I could stay with you forever too.”

Something in the moment gets a little too intense for Jared and he shifts off of Jensen’s body. He tries to mask it with a smile and a yawn, settles to the side and stretches out.

Confusion flashes in Jensen’s eyes. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just tired.”

“You should sleep.” Seconds later Jensen yawns too. “Okay, we should sleep.”

Jared shakes his head. “After you come and after I come. Then we’ll sleep.”

Jensen just nods and soon they’re kissing again while slowly stroking each other off, coming from not only the stimulation, but watching the other fall apart from each other’s touch.

**

The next morning they’re in the shower together, come dripping off each other’s knuckles. Jensen kisses Jared one more time before grabbing the soap and stepping underneath the harsh spray of warm water.

“So. The plan--”

“Right.” Jared interrupts. “The plan.”

Jensen blinks. “Friday night.”

“Right. Friday night.”

“Why are you repeating everything I’m saying?”

“I…I’m not. Am I?”

Jensen sighs. “Whatever. So. Friday night. You get off your shift at what? Eight?”

“Yeah.”

“Me n’the guys get off around seven thirty so we’ll meet you at the bar right after that.”

Jared hesitates. “Okay.”

“You want me to pick you up instead?” Jensen asks, scrubbing under his arms. “I can do that.”

“No, Jen.” Jared rolls his eyes. “Just… are you sure these dudes are okay with us being gay? I mean, they’re mechanics.”

“Um…” Jensen starts slowly. “I’m a mechanic.”

“I know but you’re like, my mechanic.” Jared pushes Jensen towards the tile and bites his jaw lightly.

“You’re so weird.”

Jared laughs and gets distracted by the soap. “Mmm, it smells like grapefruit.” He shoves it under Jensen’s nose to smell.

“Point proven.” Jensen shakes his head and turns off the water.

Jared steps out, wraps a towel around his waist and grabs his razor. “I’m gonna pretend you called me awesome instead of weird. Calling someone weird isn’t polite, ya know.”

“Well excuse me.” Jensen grabs another disposable razor and asks Jared for some shaving cream.

“Yeah.” Jared moves to open the medicine cabinet above the sink, which he has been meaning to fix, he really has, because the small door sticks like there’s super glue on the other side. There just hasn’t been any time to do it. So he yanks hard and the door pops open unexpectedly and a rain of tampons come tumbling down around Jared.

Jensen watches as it happens, tries not to double over with laughter.

“I am going to kill Megan.” Jared grits through his teeth.

“Dude…” Jensen finally starts to laugh. “You just got attacked by tampons. Sick!”

“You know I always wondered how these things work.” Jared glares and grabs one of the offending objects. “And I’m thinking of a great place where I could stick it right now.”

Jensen stops laughing and flings the bathroom door open, running as fast as he can to get away from Jared.

Megan has just rolled out of bed and has to dive back in her room in order to not get trampled on. “JT why are you chasing Jensen with one of my tampons?”

“Your tampon started it!” Jared calls out, tickles Jensen as they fall on his bed.

“It’s too damn early in the morning for you guys to be acting like freaks!” Megan yells, shutting her bedroom door again.

“Yeah.” Jensen pants and pushes Jared’s searching fingers away from his ribs. “Stop acting like a freak.”

“Too bad you like it.” Jared dips his head and meets Jensen’s mouth. He starts to suckle Jensen’s bottom lip and it makes Jensen groan.

He could spend forever just like this. And right now the thought doesn’t scare him at all.

**

Friday night Jared almost loses it.

Almost.

But he doesn’t because Jensen is there to catch him, yet again.

That incredibly cute yellow lab, Molly, that came into the hospital the other day? Her heart stopped right before his shift ended. Jared was called to assist with the surgery and he just couldn’t say no, that he had to meet his boyfriend and a bunch of his friends at some bar while the vets tries to restart this helpless animal’s heart.

So he scrubbed in, stood in the back, handing the vets various tools for two hours. But she just couldn’t make it. Jared has had various cats and dogs die on him, but never a lab. Never a girl still so full of life, but not enough life to live. God, he felt wreaked inside. He left the hospital a little stunned, shock settling heavy in his chest. At least he wasn’t the one who had to tell the family with two young boys hugging her squeeze toys to their heart in the waiting room.

And now Jared has to put on a happy face when all he really wants to do is go home and ball his eyes out. But he can’t disappoint Jensen because Jensen has been planning this night for a week now and all he’d been able to talk about was Jared meeting the guys he works with.

So now Jared is running an hour late... no, make that an hour and a half late and he still wants to go home and at least change because he sweated right through his scrubs during surgery and he’s sure he stinks.

There’re three texts and a voice mail from Jensen, all asking where Jared is and if he’s okay and while Jensen doesn’t say he’s mad, Jared can tell he’s irritated by the tone of the messages.

Jared calls him back on his way to the house and even though all the windows are rolled down, his palms start to sweat in fear. He really doesn’t want Jensen to be pissed at him.

“Hey. Hold on.” Jensen answers his phone and Jared can hear the loud noises in the background fade away in a few seconds. “Babe, where you at?”

At least he doesn’t sound too pissed, Jared thinks. He visible relaxes and thanks whoever is responsible for bringing him his awesome boyfriend.

“Jensen, I’m so sorry. I was stuck in surgery and that lab that I told you about? Molly… she um, she died on the table and I swear I’m not late on purpose and I really do want to meet your friends, I just couldn’t leave and I’m really, really fucking sorry.”

Jensen sighs into the phone. “Jared, it’s okay. Just calm down. Take a second to breathe.”

“Sorry. I just. I hate disappointing you.”

“You’re not.”

And Jared wants to believe him, he really does, but he can hear the disappointment in his voice. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that.”

“Well I am. I’ll just be another twenty minutes, okay? I just gotta take a quick shower and change my clothes. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

There’s a muffled noise, like Jensen is talking to someone else but covered the mouth piece on his cell. “Look, why don’t we just forget it. You can meet the guys some other time.”

“No!” Jared almost screams in the phone, tries to concentrate on driving at the same time. “No, Jen. Please. I’ll be there, okay? I promise. Just - I’m… like, five minutes from the house.”

“Jared. You don’t have to do this. I know you didn’t want to in the first place. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

Jared inwardly curses himself. He knew that he should’ve just played it cool, not have told Jensen the complete truth about why exactly he didn’t want to meet his friends. “I’ll be there in twenty. Tell the guys I’m sorry that I’m late.” He hangs up the phone because Jensen will just keep arguing with him and he doesn’t know what else to say to convince him otherwise.

He flies up the stairs, says a quick hello to Megan and Marc who are watching tv in the living room and thankfully, still have all their clothes on. That is the last thing Jared wants to deal with right now.

He strips in his room, throwing his dirty scrubs to the corner and darts to the bathroom naked, covering his junk with just his hand. No time worrying about vanity right now.

The warm water feels good against his skin, but the guilt of being late makes him only stand for a mere minute under the stream, shoulders tense and defeated from the day. The back of his throat stings when he thinks of Molly lying on the table, whimpering and sad eyes before she was knocked out. _Damn._

When he’s done in the shower, Jared brushes his teeth, combs his hair back, and wraps a towel around his waist. He darts back to his room and shuts the door to dress, wondering if he has any clean jeans and a button down shirt to wear.

“Hey.”

“Jesus!” Jared turns and Jensen is lying on his bed, looking rather comfortable with his legs crossed at the ankles and his arms crossed behind his head.

“I heard my boyfriend had a rough day. Came home to make sure he’s okay.”

“Jensen.” Jared breathes out. “What’re you doin’ here? I told you to wait.”

“C’mere.” Jensen kicks off his shoes, unbuckles his belt, and scoots out of his jeans as Jared stands there, dumbfounded, by the bed. He gets underneath the blankets, reaches out to Jared’s towel and it drops down to the floor.

Jared closes his eyes when Jensen’s fingertips touch his skin.

“I said…” Jensen moves to make room in the bed. “Come here.”

Jared doesn’t have to be told more than twice. He climbs in, snuggles right into Jensen’s arms and feels the stress of the day leave his body as Jensen’s warm palms smoother over his back, up to his shoulders and down again. They kiss, opened mouths, but no tongue before Jared pulls back and lays his head on Jensen’s shoulder.

“I’m so--”

“Don’t say it.”

“Sorry.” Jared finishes. “Are you pissed?”

“Obviously not.” Jensen laughs softly.

“Were the guys mad?”

“Nah, they’ve all had dogs once. They know how it is.”

Jared sighs, throws his leg over Jensen’s to get closer. “How the hell am I gonna handle being a vet if I can’t handle a night like this?”

Jensen’s hand rests at the back of Jared’s neck, the weight of the warmth sinking into his skin. “You are handling it. Just not well.” Jensen answers. “And this is what you do when you have nights just like this. You come home to your boyfriend and lay in bed with him, till he makes it all go away.”

“You already have.” Jared murmurs. “Thank you.”

“Did you eat? I brought wings home from the bar. I figured you’d be hungry.”

Jared snuggles closer, “M’good right here.”

“And um… I kinda told the guys we’d meet them tomorrow night. They really wanna meet you.” Jensen tells him, rubbing his nose to Jared’s quickly back and forth. “I hope that’s okay.”

“’S good.”

Jensen stretches his arms down, one hand wrapping around Jared’s waist and the other grabbing his bare ass, giving it a little squeeze.

“So are you.”

**

The next night Jensen does pick Jared up at the house, probably because he thinks Jared will opt out again. But Jared is determined to prove him wrong and even dressed in his best jeans that are snug around his ass and a white button down that looks awesome against his tan. He’s clean shaven and tried to do something with his hair, but he really does need a freakin’ haircut.

Jensen looks amazing as always in just a too small t-shirt with the words Texas written over the chest, his jeans ripped at the knees and greasy work boots.

Jared feels overdressed, but he doesn’t care. Also, he really wishes they weren’t going out. Like, really. Because all he can think about is getting Jensen naked in his bed except for those boots and then swallowing his dick down as far as it’ll go.

“Wow.” Megan says, surprised and impressed all at once, as they walk downstairs. “You guys look hot. And… you’re actually going out? That’s a miracle.”

“Shut up.” Jared mutters, shooting his sister a glare. “What’re you doin tonight?”

“Nothing much.” Megan yawns and shifts on the couch. “Rented a couple of chick flick movies.”

“How exciting.” Jared grabs his coat and Jensen’s hand. “See ya later.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Megan calls out and giggles after them.

Jensen holds Jared’s hand on the way to the car. “You okay?”

Jared hates the depth to the simple question. Like he might break or cry or generally act like a pussy and that is so not cool.

“I’m fine. My limit’s four or five though, okay? I don’t feel like havin’ a hangover tomorrow.”

“Cool.” Jensen agrees. “Mine is three and then water.”

“You sure? I can drive home. You deserve to have a little fun tonight.”

“So do you. And getting completely wasted isn’t my idea of fun.”

Jared doesn’t say anything but he’s pretty sure Jensen just wants to keep an eye on him. And that’s fine. Hopefully they’ll just stay long enough for him to meet everyone, say hello, and go home. It’s been almost a year since he’s been social with a large group of people and if it wasn’t for Jensen in the first place, there’s no way he’d be going out right now. But he’s determined to at least look like he’s having fun, plastic smile and all.

Fifteen minutes later Jensen guides Jared into the bar with his hand on Jared’s lower back. It feels somewhat comforting and honestly, Jared used to do this all the time. He used to be that guy everyone could count on to be up late, drinking shots at the bar, making a fool out of himself singing karaoke or telling crazy stories. People were drawn to him like a magnet. And he used to love being in the center of attention. Used to love having everyone’s eyes on him, laughing along with him, searching the room for him. It was a thrill and Jared thrived on it. He was the most popular out of his roommates and they were all jealous of him, even if they would never admit it. Jared would never try to outdo them, though, he’d just be himself. That’s the guy he used to be.

And now… now Jared was telling himself to calm down and drink his damn beer. He could do this. He was the master at this.

The bar is nice, old school though with the dark wood polished and the smell of cedar underlying the scent of alcohol. There’s a small stage in the corner and while it isn’t too busy yet, Jared can easily imagine this placed packed with a ton of college kids.

“Yo! Jensen!”

“Hey guys.” Jensen greets the group happily and tugs on Jared’s shoulder. “This is Jared. Jared this is Brandon, Tim, and Ryan.”

There’s a round of hello’s, hi’s, hey what’s up, and where you from’s while Jared silently looks these guys over, wondering if they’re any threat to take Jensen away from him. They’re all from Canada, but don’t have the accent.

Ryan and Tim both have beards and tattoos down their arms, but they’re both lean and kind of good looking in that rugged, dirty kind of way. Brandon has glasses on and is a little balding. He looks like a computer geek rather than a mechanic but he seems pretty nice.

After they get a pitcher and talk about work with Jared listening to every detail, completely entertained about hot girls not knowing a thing about their cars and dudes knowing even less, but not wanting to admit it. Soon though, the attention turns to back to Jared.

“So how’d you two meet?” Tim asks, waving his mug in their direction.

Jensen turns to Jared to answer.

“My sister actually. She got a job at this coffee house when Jensen was working there too. She came home telling me stories about him and I… ya know, became… interested.”

Jensen breaks out into a huge smile. “He couldn’t resist me.”

“Yeah cuz you’re just so damn charming.” Tim laughs, chugging his beer.

Jensen doesn’t say anything, but Jared nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, actually, he is.”

“Oh please, you’re gonna make me gag.” Ryan sputters.

“You’ll gag at anything.” Brandon smacks Ryan on the back. “So, Jared. Jensen tells us you’re goin to school to be a vet? That’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah.”Jared shrugs. “It has its moments though. Like last night. Sorry I bailed on ya’ll.”

“No bigs, dude.” Tim says. “I probably woulda bawled like a baby.”

“Big sissy.” Ryan smirks, and then pauses to think about it. “Yeah, okay. I probably woulda cried too.”

They all share a laugh and Jared takes a minute to glance at Jensen, who is being oddly quiet. He’s flush at the neck and his eyes are almost sparkling, he’s laughing so much, and they’re crinkling at the corner too, which makes it impossible for Jared not to smile to himself at the sight. He seems genuinely happy and keeps his hand on Jared’s knee under the table. Jared wonders why he’s not being his usual outgoing self and then it hits him.

Jensen is shy; which is really weird to realize because Jensen had been so aggressive with him. But the way Jensen is acting right now proves how truly shy the guy is and the thought makes Jared a little giddy, that Jensen would put himself so out there when he’s not like that at all.

Interesting.

An hour later, Jared is having a good time but he’s ready to go and it looks like Jensen is too.

“So. You n’Jensen huh?” Ryan slurs, throwing an arm around Jared’s shoulder.

“Yep.” Jared confirms, swaying from the sudden weight.

Jensen walks over and calmly removes Ryan’s arm from Jared. “Hey, buddy. Hands off the merchandise.”

Ryan laughs. “What’s the matter, Jared? Couldn’t do any better than this grease monkey here?”

Jared grabs Jensen around the waist. “This grease monkey is all mine.” He nuzzles Jensen’s neck. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Okay, okay. Point taken.” Ryan cringes and looks for someone else to bother.

“Sorry.” Jared whispers. “I don’t know how you feel about PDA.”

Jensen only smiles and if Jared thought he was quiet before the public display of affection, now Jensen is dead silent. Shit.

They eventually tell the guys goodbye and Jensen’s conversation is limited to one word answers in the car.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jared asks as he pulls into the driveway.

“Yeah. Tired.” Jensen grunts and for a second Jared’s heart splits in two when he thinks Jensen isn’t going to come in.

Megan is passed out on the couch and Jared turns the tv and lights off in the house while Jensen goes upstairs. When he slides into bed and kisses Jensen on the neck, he finds his boyfriend already too sleepy for any action tonight.

Jared sighs, pulls Jensen to his chest, and closes his eyes for sleep.

**The next morning Jensen is gone when Jared wakes up. Granted, it’s almost noon when Jared finally opens his eyes and he knew that Jensen did have to work today but still. It’s a little disappointing.

Jared’s gotten used to his good morning kiss.

The day is long and it’s slow at the hospital. Jared texts Jensen but all he gets back are short answers so he decides he’ll just wait until when they’re both off to talk to him.

But Jensen has to work late again and Jared falls asleep before he can call.

The next day is the same thing and the day after that, Jensen’s doesn’t even text as much.

Jared tries not to panic. He really does. And when Megan’s service engine light switches on Jared knows it’s the perfect opportunity to go see Jensen at the garage.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Jared laughs and grabs Megan’s keys. “I told you it’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, not to a guy.” Megan says. “I always feel like an idiot when I have to do car stuff.”

“You know, you could buy yourself a new car with the insurance money, Meg. There’s really no reason to still be driving around that hunk of junk.”

Megan shrugs. “But I like it. It reminds me of you and Jeff. Like you’re watching over me while I’m on the road or something.”

Jared doesn’t say anything to that because he has no idea how to respond. Instead he jingles the keys and tells Megan that he’ll be right back.

It’s late in the afternoon and Jared knows Jensen is working because he at least texts him back when Jared had asked. The sun is hot in the August sky and Jared smiles as he passes the neighborhood pool filled with kids running and shrieking; so carefree, so full of innocence. He wishes he felt that way right now.

When he pulls up to the garage, he immediately spots his boyfriend’s ass over all the other asses bent over the inside hood of cars lined up in a row. He pulls Megan’s Honda up right behind the truck Jensen is currently working on, gets out and casually leans on the door until Jensen spots him.

When he does, Jensen wipes his hands with a rag and sticks it in his back pocket. He doesn’t even smile, Jared notices. He just sighs heavily and squints from the sun, walks slowly towards Jared and looks down.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“What’s wrong with the car?”

Jared wants to scream at him. Scream that the car isn’t fucking important right now.

“The service engine light came on.”

“Hmm.” Jensen pops the hood and glances down, busies his hands with checking knobs and tightening this and that.

Jared counts to ten slowly in his mind before he walks over, lifts the sunglasses he’d been wearing over his head and says three simple words. “I miss you.”

Jensen swallows thickly, sniffs loudly and then wipes the sweat from his brow with his sleeve, streaking grease down his temple. “Yeah?”

“Of course, you dumbass. What the hell is wrong? Why’ve you been avoiding me?”

Jensen shrugs, decides that the headlight is the most interesting thing he has ever seen as he fiddles with it. “Um. I think. I think I might’ve had a minor freak out.” He finally admits slowly.

“Care to tell me why?”

“It’s stupid.”

“I’m sure it is.” Jared nods in full agreement. Any reason Jensen could have freaked himself out had to be ridiculous.

Jensen sighs again, but Jared stares intently at him, urging him on.

“Yo, Ackles!” Ryan bounds around the corner and smiles when he sees Jared. “Hey JayRed. What’s goin’ on, man?”

Jared grins in return. “Not much.”

“Hey we’re takin’ lunch. You guys want a hamburger or anything?”

“Nah. I’m good.” Jensen answers. Jared shakes his head no.

“Okay. We’ll be back in about thirty. Jensen, you cool with holdin ‘er down while we’re gone?”

Jensen nods. “Yeah, no problem.”

“Cool. See ya.”

Jared waits until the guys start walking down the street and then turns back to Jensen.

“Well? Go ahead. Is it because I got too close to you in front of your friends? I embarrassed you, didn’t I?”

“Huh?”

“The PDA?” Jared tries to explain. “Was it too much?”

“Oh. No, not that at all.” Jensen fidgets again, not able to meet Jared’s gaze. “I got to thinkin about what Ryan said that night though.”

“What’d he say?”

“About how you could do better than me. That you probably will. I’m just a mechanic, Jared and you…” He trails off.

“Me what?”

“You’re smart and could probably be a full blown doctor if you wanted to, but chose to help animals instead. This is it for me, Jared. This is gonna be my life. This is all I want.” Jensen opens his arms wide, showing the garage, the smell of fuel, the dirt, the grime.

“Is this all you want?” Jared asks, stepping closer and cautiously placing his hands on Jensen’s hips. “You don’t want me anymore?”

“I’ve never not wanted you.”

“Then have me.” Jared leans in, whispers against Jensen’s ear. “Please have me because I don’t want anyone else. I want you. All of you. And I could care less if you were a mechanic, Jensen. I don’t know shit about cars.”

Jensen still doesn’t seem satisfied. Jared inches his hands around Jensen’s waist until he has his boyfriend standing in the circle of his arms. He makes Jensen take a step closer and peers down at him. “You’re allowed to have a freak out, Jen. Just talk to me next time, will ya? You’re so fuckin strong for me, all the time. I can be there for you too. Just gotta let me in. God damn, I missed you so much.” Jared finishes by placing the lightest of kisses along Jensen’s jaw, ending at the corner of his mouth.

Finally. Finally Jensen relaxes in his arms. “Missed you too. M’sorry.”

“Make it up to me?” Jared playfully demands.

Jensen looks up and swings his arms around Jared’s neck. “How ‘bout I fix the car for free?”

“That’s a good start.”

“Blow job?”

Jared grins widely, shrugs his shoulder, bored.

“Oh really?” Jensen raises an eyebrow. “No blow job?”

Jared shrugs again, smile growing.

“Hand job?”

Another shrug.

“You wanna do me, Padalecki?”

Jared bites his lip, can’t contain himself anymore and nods. “Kinda.”

Jensen kisses him and mumbles, “I think that can be arranged,” into Jared’s mouth.

They make out until the guys come back from lunch hooting and hollering for them to get a room.

**

It’s nearly the end of August, the whole month seeming to have flown by.

Late in the afternoon, Megan is at work and it’s really quiet in the house. Sunrays beam through the windows, the back door is open, and it’s one of those days the weather is so perfect you can’t do anything but enjoy it.

Jared sits at the kitchen table with forms all around him while Jensen makes a latte with their new espresso machine, which is really too complicated for Jared’s liking. But Jensen loves it because he’s so used to his caffeine fix and he has made one almost every day since Jared brought it home.

Home.

Jensen has been spending less and less time at his place and almost all of it at Jared’s. Not that Jared minds. God, no, but Jared’s been thinking of the best way to ask Jensen to move in with him and Megan, but there’s never the right time to bring it up. And with Jensen’s little freak out a few days before, Jared doesn’t want to pressure him.

“What is all that shit?” Jensen walks over with two cups filled with ice, milk, and espresso. He takes a sip, cringes, and switches it with the one he had given to Jared. “This one is yours.”

Mmm. Vanilla flavoring is the best. Jensen hates it, obviously.

Jared takes a sip and puts the cup on a stack of old newspapers. “Registration papers for the fall.”

“For school?”

“Yeah, I shoulda had these done weeks ago but I highly doubt the advanced vet courses will be full.”

Jensen picks up a piece of paper and stares. “To go to school here? In Canada? In Vancouver?”

“Uh… yeah. Where else would I go?”

“I… I don’t know.” Jensen shrugs and then sets the form back down. “C’mon. Let’s go outside and drink our coffee.”

Jared sits back in his chair. “I really gotta finish this shit up.”

Jensen’s already standing and walking to the backdoor. Jared eyes his ass in those jeans, loving how the denim stretches around the curves of his boyfriend’s hot body. Forget hot, his boyfriend is smokin’.

“You really gotta come keep me company.” Jensen pleads, pouts his bottom lip out and damn him, Jared’s already throwing his pen down on the table.

They settle on the porch swing, holding hands and sipping coffee.

It’s sad. Jared hasn’t even had time to enjoy the backyard since he’s been back. He just mowed the lawn as fast as he could when the weather was nice enough throughout the year, just so it wouldn’t get out of control. Until now, he’s never really looked at how much both of his parents were out here. The brick his dad laid in little island shapes. The flowers his mom planted in the middle, overgrown with weeds now. Jared mentally promises he’ll clean it up tomorrow since he’ll have the time.

“I really like it out here.” Jensen says, squeezing Jared’s hand.

Jared pushes his toe to the concrete so the swing sways again. “Me too. It’s relaxing.”

They’re quiet for a few more minutes before Jensen takes a deep breath. “So… I was thinking…

“About what?”

“I was thinking it’s about time that we kinda live together.”

Jared breaks into a smile. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jensen nods. “I can’t get to sleep without your sexy ass droolin all over me. So I kinda thought…”

Jared smoothes his thumb over Jensen’s hand. “You wanna move in here?”

“Kinda.”

Jared moves to nuzzle his nose. “Just kinda?”

“Yes.” Jensen’s eyes grow serious. “I want to move in. If that’s okay?”

Jared kisses him as he nods, sliding his tongue into Jensen’s mouth slowly. “It’s very okay.”

“You sure you won’t get sick of me or kick me out if we have a fight?”

“I promise that’ll never happen.”

“Can Patty move in too?”

“Yes, Jen. Patty too.”

“You sure it’s not too soon? I mean, we haven’t known each other for that long or anything.”

“It seems like I’ve known you forever. This is it, Jen. There’s no one else out there for me.”

Jensen nods; he knows there’s no one else out there for him either. “We’ll have to ask Megan.”

The screen door swings open and Megan steps outside. “Ask her what? Ew, sorry, did I interrupt a make out session?”

Jensen laughs and pushes Jared’s chest away. “Hey, what’re you doin home?”

“It was really slow so they sent me home early.” She says, sitting down in a lawn chair. “Everyone must be out enjoying the sunshine.”

“Nice.” Jared rests his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “We were gonna make pizza for dinner if you wanna stick around tonight.”

“That sounds good. So…” She smiles. “What’d you guys wanna ask me?”

Jared and Jensen glance at each other. Jared twines his finger’s with Jensen’s and says, “Jen’s gonna move in.”

Surprise crosses Megan’s face. “Oh. Really?”

“Yeah. That okay?”

She scrunches her nose. “Yeah, of course. Just maybe…” She blushes and says never mind.

“No, what?” Jared asks.

“Maybe you wanna move into mom and dad’s room? It’s bigger and it’s down the hallway…”

Jensen immediately turns red in the cheeks.

Jared doesn’t get it. “So? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Um. It’s farther down the hallway.” Megan repeats. “These walls aren’t so thick, JT.”

Jared’s still confused, but when Jensen leans over to whisper, “You’re kinda loud when I do things to your dick.” Jared blushes too.

“Oh. Heh, yeah, we could do that.”

Except Jared hasn’t been in his parent’s room in almost a year. Megan knows this too. “It’s about time we cleaned it out anyway. Don’t you think?”

“I guess.” Jared fidgets and Jensen moves to wrap his arm around Jared’s shoulders, tugs to press a kiss to his temple.

“So you’re really staying in Canada then?” He asks. “For like, awhile?”

“Well yeah. And if I wasn’t.” Jared looks to Megan and then to Jensen. “It’d be a family decision to move. Not just mine.”

“And that means all three of us.” Megan speaks up.

Jensen’s reaction to that makes Jared’s heart flutter in his chest. He always wants to see Jensen’s eyes light up like that, his mouth to spread in that perfect smile. He presses a chaste kiss to Jensen’s lips and Megan gets up, grins fondly for a few seconds and makes a quiet escape inside the house.

Jensen presses Jared down on the swing for wide, open mouthed kisses, until all the appreciation from Jensen’s mouth sinks into Jared’s.

Jared turns to expose his neck and Jensen takes the opportunity to lick down the column of his throat, biting and nipping Jared’s jaw up to his earlobe.

“It’s amazing that I didn’t want this.” Jared breathes out heavily and Jensen pulls away to look at him.

“Didn’t want what?”

“This.” Jared says softly. “I didn’t want to fall in love with you.”

“Why not?”

“I was scared.” Jared says simply.

Jensen appears to be even more satisfied. “And now?”

“Now I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”

They share another chaste kiss. “Say it.” Jensen demands against his lips.

Jared tries to follow Jensen’s mouth. “I love you. Love you so much.”

“You’re not scared anymore?”

“No. I’m still scared.” Jared admits. “But I’m more scared to be without you and never know what I could’ve had.”

“I love you too.” Jensen says. “You know that, right?”

Jared nods, thinks about saying thank you, but decides that’d be dumb. Instead he kisses Jensen breathless until Megan comes back out and whines about being hungry for dinner.

Jensen bites Jared’s lip as he moves to get up. Jared grunts in protest and tries to pull him back.

“I gotta make my family dinner.” Jensen grins. “Come help.”

Jared does.

**

“So. This is weird.” Megan plops on Jared’s bed. “Doesn’t even look like mom and dad’s room anymore.”

Jensen’s on the other side of the bed completely zonked out and Jared can’t stop looking at his boyfriend’s body, shoulders so broad they stretch the thin t-shirt material and an ass so perfectly plump. They painted all day yesterday, moved all of the furniture from Jared’s room and some from Jensen’s place in, and now Jared’s unpacking the last of Jensen’s boxes, placing some car magazines on the bookshelf.

“I know.” Jared says. “You think it was too soon to do this?”

Megan shakes her head, fingers the pearl necklace she kept from mom’s jewelry box. “Nah. We put it off long enough.”

“I guess you’re right.” Jared sighs, runs his knuckles softly across Jensen’s cheekbones before he sits down.

Megan watches with a smile. “I’m glad Jensen moved in.”

“Me too.”

“He makes you really happy, right?”

“Unbelievably happy.” Jared answers seriously.

Megan nods knowingly. “I can tell.” She stands up from the bed and smoothes her clothes out. “Marc will be here in like ten minutes. He’s taking me out to dinner tonight so I’ll see you later, okay?”

“’Kay. Have a good time.” Jared refrains from asking where she’ll be and what time she’ll be home. He knows that Megan will be in safe hands with Marc and needs to let go. He’s actually proud of himself when he doesn’t ask.

Megan raises an eyebrow expectedly and answers him anyway. “He says it’s a surprise and don’t wait up.”

Jared shakes his head, amused because his sister knows him so well, and lies down on the bed. He pulls on Jensen’s arm until he snuggles into his chest and yawns sleepily.

“M’hungry.”

Jared laughs and slides his fingers up and down Jensen’s spine slowly. “Megan’s going out tonight so it’s just you n’me. What’d you feel like?”

Jensen yawns again and shrugs. His eyes are still closed and Jared kisses his temple.

“I can make something.”

“Too tired.” Jensen moves to press a kiss on Jared’s lips, but misses and gets his chin instead.

Jared smiles, “Pizza?”

“Mmm.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Did you say Megan was going out tonight?” Suddenly Jensen’s eyes snap open. He arches an eyebrow suggestively and grinds against Jared’s hip.

Jared palms Jensen’s ass, squeezes over the jeans. “Yep. Wanna make out later?”

“Just make out?” Jensen teases. “I’m hoping to get damn lucky tonight.”

“Maybe we should have a quick hand job first then?” Jared can’t hold back his sneaky grin. “With what happened last time…”

“Oh god!” Jensen groans, his face turning red. “I thought we weren’t gonna talk about that ever again.”

“Talking and making fun of are two entirely different things. You shoulda specified.”

“Jared.” Jensen warns.

“Okay, okay. I was just saying that-”

“Don’t. Say. It.”

“I don’t want you to come too soon this time.”

Jensen straddles Jared’s hips and covers his mouth. “Shut. Your. Pie. Hole.”

Laughing, Jared squirms from Jensen’s hold. “This time I won’t spend that much time rimming your ass. Seriously, Jen. I didn’t know you liked it so much.”

“Okay, that’s it.” Jensen tries to get up from the bed, but Jared pulls him back. “No. I’m not having sex with you now. You ruined it, Padalecki.”

Jared’s expression is between horrified and shocked. “You have to! I’ll die if we don’t do it!”

Jensen laughs and rolls his eyes. “Come on. I’m still hungry and it’s your turn to order.”

“Come on, Jen.” Jared whispers, voice sex filled. “What’s wrong with right now? Wanna be inside that sweet ass of yours so bad.”

Jensen stares openly for a minute and it gets so intense Jared wants to turn away. And then Jensen breaks into a soft smile. “Just how bad?”

“Real bad.” Jared grits out between clenched teeth.

They had opened all the windows in the room early this morning to get the paint smell out so they can hear when Megan slams the front door shut and the roar of Marc’s car down the street. Jensen looks up from the noise, distracted at first and then sits on Jared’s thighs, still straddling him. He takes off his t-shirt with the light blue paint dried in splatters and throws it to the floor.

Jared breathes in deep, reaches up to graze his fingernails over Jensen’s perfect shaped nipples. Jensen trembles from the touch and what was an intimate moment turns quickly into hurried passion and groping and tugging the rest of their clothes off so fast. So fucking fast.

“Wait.” Jared gasps. “Just wait. We gotta go slow.”

Jensen slows his movements and grabs the lube from the nightstand drawer. Jared watches with wide eyes, watches as Jensen reaches between Jared’s legs instead of his own.

“I know you wanna be inside of me.” He says softly. “But right now I wanna make you feel. Feel how much I love you. S’that okay?”

Jared can’t do anything but nod and let his knees fall apart. Jensen circles his hole slowly with his finger, knowing it’s been awhile. They’ve already had the discussion about last relationships, ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends. They know the last time each other have been tested, and know that Jared’s more of a top and Jensen’s more of a bottom. But right now... right now it’s not about that.

“Doin okay?” Jensen asks, his fingers spreading wide.

Jared’s eyes flutter but he spreads his thighs even further apart, loving the way Jensen’s fingers feel inside of him. He’ll never get enough of this.

Jensen pulls out, sits on his haunches between Jared’s legs and aims his dick. “God damn, Jay. You’re so open for me already. Gonna push in now. Just relax.”

Jared knows how big Jensen is. There’s about eight inches of him and he tenses at the thought.

“Shhh…” Jensen takes hold of his cock with one hand and starts to guide himself into Jared. He leans his weight on the other so he can kiss along Jared’s neck. “There’re so many reasons I love you. D’ya know that, babe?” He pushes the head of his dick in, trying to distract Jared with his words. “Love the way you kiss me hello.” Jensen whispers, sliding another inch in. “Love that you hold my hand when we watch a movie.”

“God. Jensen.” Jared meets his mouth for a kiss.

“Love the way you get all serious when you study.” Jensen continues, pausing because he can’t hold in the whimper from pushing in more. He’s almost all the way in. “Love that you steal fries off my plate when you think I’m not looking.”

Jared smiles at that, grips firmly at Jensen’s biceps, “How much more?”

“Doin’ good, Jay, doin’ real good. Almost there.” Jensen angles his cock down and slips in the final few inches. “Holy shit you feel so tight.”

“That’s because I am tight.” Jared chokes out. “Gimmie a second.”

Jensen smoothes Jared’s hair from his eyes and peppers his face with kisses, whispering I love you over and over again.

“Love you too.” Jared returns the affection, kisses Jensen on the lips as his body adjusts.

“You feel that, Jay? You feel how real I am? Inside you right now. Not gonna go anywhere. God.” Jensen whimpers, trying to stay as still as possible. “God, I’ll always be here. Always.”

“Yeah. Jen.” Jared closes his eyes, feels Jensen hard and wanting deep inside of his body. Feels the heat warming him, radiating sweet tingles, the thickness swallowing him. Feels Jensen’s skin on his, Jensen’s strong bones and muscles above him, full of life. “Wanna feel more of you. All of you.”

Jensen starts to thrust, slowly at first and as soon as Jared lets out a long moan, he starts to go faster. Grabs Jared’s hand and places it over his heart as he speeds up. He humps into Jared without pulling out, just wanting to go as deep as he can and deliberately rubs right in that perfect spot that should be—

“Oh fuck. Right _there_.” Jared cries out, lifts his legs even more apart, grabbing at Jensen’s ass to keep him steady. “Right there, right there, right… oh fuck, you’re making me come.”

And he does. Hard. Jared can barely process Jensen coming almost at the same time he does because the orgasm rips through him like never before. It’s over way too soon and he wants to do it again.

Jensen laughs and it feels weird because he’s still inside. He stays there for a few more minutes, thrusting his soft cock in and out.

“Don’t pull out yet.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.” Jensen lets his arms go though and rests head on Jared’s chest. He kisses right over where Jared’s heart is and peers up at him. “It’s beating fast.”

“Because of you.” Jared squeezes his ass and Jensen lets out a soft moan.

“Gonna make me hard again.”

“Good. Then I can have my turn at your ass.”

“Wanna feel me now, huh?” Jensen grins.

Jared remembers a time when he didn’t want to feel at all, wanted no emotions at all. “I really do.”

**

Right before classes start up again and a day before the anniversary of the accident, Jared asks Jensen about his parents.

They’re lying in bed side by side with the lights already out and Jensen is almost asleep.

“What about them?”

“You never talk about them.”

Jensen yawns loudly. “So?”

“So… do you ever think about visiting them? They could visit us up here, ya know.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen, Jay.” Jensen sighs and opens his eyes. “Look, they kicked me out when I told ‘em I was gay. Just like I knew they would.”

“That’s why you saved your money working through high school?” Jared asks, grabbing Jensen’s hand.

“Yeah. I told them the day I graduated and they wanted me out. So I left and never looked back.”

Jared presses his lips to the back of Jensen’s hand. “What about your brother and sister?”

“I talk to them sometimes over the phone on their birthdays and Christmas. It’s just so awkward.” Jensen says, rubbing his feet along Jared’s.

They’re silent for a few minutes before Jared says, “I want you to come with me n’Megan tomorrow. Come with us to the graveyard. Wanna introduce you to my parents.”

It’s quiet for so long Jared finally asks if Jensen fell asleep.

“Not asleep. I just… that sounds. It means a lot.” Jensen whispers. “You think they would like me?”

“Are you kidding? They would adore you. Jeff too.”

Jensen leans to kiss Jared, soft and lazy, and it’s like he just can’t get enough. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

**

The next day the sun is bright in the afternoon. Driving to the graveyard isn’t as hard anymore, especially when Megan is talking her head off about something in the backseat and Jensen is right there to keep hold of his hand. He let his beard grow out a bit in the past few days, but Jared can tell he tried to dress up a little because he’s wearing a grey sweater over a white button down shirt. He’s wearing the jeans that are ripped at the knees though and Jared squeeze at one playfully in the car.

Megan’s wearing a pretty blue dress, their dad’s favorite color, and has daisies like she always does. She visits Jeff first, laying down a few flowers and murmuring soft words.

Jensen fidgets nervously and Jared just smiles, tells his parents how much he misses them. He might have had it all when they were alive, and Jared might never have it all again, but having someone who cares so much for him makes a difference. He can’t imagine his life without ever loving again.

“It’s been a year.” Jared starts, tracing his parents names engraved in the stone with his gaze. “I miss you both so much and so much has happened. But right now I want you guys to meet someone kinda special.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow and bumps Jared’s hip with his.

“Okay, maybe _really_ special.” Jared laughs. “This…” He grabs Jensen’s arm to pull him close, never wanting to let go. “This is Jensen. He had me at hello.”

-End-


End file.
